No psychiatrist can help you if you decide to trap yourself in the web of installment schemes
Darshan, a man in his late forties visited a well-known psychiatrist in Hilal-e-Ahmar Hospital Complex in Karachi. In the proximity are a number of consultation clinics of cardiologists, physicians, surgeons, neurologists, ophthalmologists, dentists, gynaecologists, urologists, dermatologists, and ENT specialists. Of the entire clinics, the psychiatric clinic remains overcrowded with the patients. Darshan had obtained prior appointment with the psychiatrist whose name I am not supposed to disclose. However, for the sake of our narration let us give the psychiatrist a pseudo name. Let us call him Dr Shafi Virdhan.
Darshan hesitated a bit, but then entered the consultant psychiatrist’s room. Dr Shafi received him warmly. Darshan settled in a comfortable chair in front him.
Dr Shafi smiled, and asked, “How are you Mr Darshan?”
Darshan leaned forward. As if not to be overheard, he asked in whisper,
“What is the mark-up rate on six monthly instalments of your consultation fee?”
Dr Shafi, a renowned psychiatrist felt surprised. He smilingly said,
“I do not receive my fee in instalments.”
“Oh my God!” Darshan looked at heavens, and said, “What kind of a doctor have I come to who doesn’t offer his consultation on instalments!”
Dr Shafi Virdhan did not intervene, and he let Darshan speak. Darshan rose from his seat, pulled up bottom of his trousers, and exposed a pair of socks he was wearing. He asked, “Can you guess the price of my socks?”
“Well!” Dr Shafi thought for a while, and then said, “Am I right if I say sixty rupees?”
“Your guess is correct.” Darshan said, “But, I have bought these socks on six monthly instalments of rupees fifteen each.”
Dr Virdhan Shafi kept looking at Darshan.
Darshan caressed his trousers, and said, “These trousers are worth six hundred rupees, but I have bought these trousers on six monthly instalments of rupees one hundred and fifty rupees each.”
Dr Shafi asked, “Mr Darshan, can we now come to your purpose of coming to me?”
“Yes, of course.” Darshan rose from his seat. He grabbed Dr Shafi by his arm, and said, “But, first of all I would like to show you my new car that I have acquired on 36-month instalment scheme through a bank.”
Dr Shafi without using force got his arm freed from Darshan, and said, “I would not only see your car, I would like to ride with you in it. But, let me attend to you and other patients first.”
“It’s ok with me.”
Dr Shafi took down notes, and then asked, “Have you come to me for consultation on your own, or on someone else’s recommendation?”
“I have come to you on my own.” Darshan replied.
“Can we discuss your problem?” Dr Shafi Asked.
“That is why I have come to you.” Darshan said.
“What kind of a problem are you beset with?” Dr Shafi asked.
Darshan thought for a while, and said, “I feel I have been trapped in a cobweb.”
“Is it tangible or intangible cobweb?” Dr Shafi asked.
“At times it seems tangible, palpable.” Darshan said, “I feel entangled in it. More I struggle to come out of it more I get entwined. I feel tired and exhausted.”
“Do you hate spiders?”
“I despise spiders.” Darshan said, “I just can’t stand sight of a spider.”
“How would you react if a spider crawls on your neck and throat?” Dr Shafi asked.
Darshan trembled, and said, “I would collapse and die.”
“Can you recall ever coming into contact with a spider?”
“I don’t remember.”
“When you feel entangled, do you virtually imagine seeing a cobweb?”
“No, I don’t imagine seeing the cobweb.” Darshan emphatically said, “I actually see the cobweb. I touch it. I try to tear it apart with my fingers, but to no avail.”
“When it doesn’t appear tangible, do you feel trapped into it!” Dr Virdhan Shafi asked.
“It is a perpetual feeling.” Darshan said, “I see spiders crawling on the ceiling and walls of my house.”
“Is your house infested with spiders?” Dr Shafi asked.
“No.” Darshan said, “It is a new house.”
“Is it a rented house?”
“It is my own house.”
Dr Virdhan Shafi looked at Darshan, and asked, “Have you purchased it, or acquired it through house finance loan from a bank?”
“I have acquired it through house finance scheme of a bank on 15-year instalment plan.” Darshan said, “Same bank financed me for buying a car on seven year instalment plan.”
“What else have you acquired on instalments?” Dr Shafi asked.
Darshan thought for a while, and said, “Kitchen gadgets, home theatre, television sets, hi-fi decks, six mobile phones, jewellery for my wife, and four daughters, motorbikes for my two sons, and entire furniture for the house.”
“It is your own cobweb that you have woven it around you.” Dr Shafi Virdhan said, “You don’t require a psychiatrist Mr. Darshan. What you require is talking to yourself, loud and clear.”
