How does a brainless person interpret the dreams of the founding fathers of Pakistan? Or does he misconstrue them?
I was fishing at Florida when this newspaper collected views of a cross section of persons on Pakistan’s prospects in 21st Century. It was a representative sample for it reflected the views of 99 per cent of population that consists of intellectuals, businessmen, writers, artist, media persons, politicians, et cetera. One per cent of Pakistanis are freaks. For reasons not known to me, freaks, insane, and the lunatics were completely ignored from the survey. No doubt, the freaks, the deranged and the mentally and physically deformed constitute only one per cent of our population, but they deserve to be represented in the identical surveys.
I returned from Florida with a dead fish that was confiscated by the Customs personnel at the airport. I vowed to sue the Customs authorities for confiscating my dead fish without assigning any reason. Next morning instead of contacting my lawyer for filling habeas corpus for my dead fish, I contacted an old freak AVJ, Abu Vikram Jhinga for collecting his views on Pakistan’s prospects in 21st Century.
As against 99 per cent brainy people in our country, Abu Vikram Jhinga belongs to one per cent brainless persons in Pakistan. Once he was hit with a baton on his head during a scuffle with police. He had fainted and receded in coma. Scanning of his head revealed that instead of a brain, AVJ had an abandoned nest of a sparrow in his skull. I approached him with the questionnaire. I reproduce in the following paragraphs the questions, and the answers of AVJ, Abu Vikram Jhinga.
Question: Do you think the dreams of the founding fathers of Pakistan have been fulfilled?
AVJ: While struggling for a separate homeland for the Muslims of the subcontinent the founding fathers of Pakistan had spent sleepless nights. You can’t dream without sleeping. I doubt if they were daydreamers! If you insist the founding fathers had nurtured dreams, then by looking at present day Pakistan I feel their dreams require to be interpreted by someone like Sigmund Freud.
Question: Do you feel optimistic about the future of the country?
AVJ: After remaining under treatment of local and foreign psychiatrists I have come out of depressing pessimism. It is an ongoing, life-long treatment that keeps me on the brink between optimism and pessimism. Psychiatrists say if I discontinued treatment I would recede into abysmal pessimism. The country is in the able hands of Waderas, Choudhries, Khans, Sardars, and Civil and Military bureaucrats. They are managing the affairs of the country very well. They being at the helm of the affairs there can’t be two opinions about the future of Pakistan.
Question: How do you feel about the progress that has taken place in the last 57 years in education, health, housing and other sectors. Do the statistics released impress you?
AVJ: Statistics always impress me. In a demographically absurd community there lived ten women and ninety men. Out of ninety men, ten men married the ten women in the community. The statisticians assessed the situation and released the following statement:
“Ten men married hundred per cent women in the absurd community.”
Statisticians tell us that Sunil Gavasker and Sachin Tendulkar have surpassed the record of Don Bradman by scoring more than 29 Test centuries each. Sir Don Bradman had scored 29 Test centuries in only 52 Test matches. Any batsman who scores 30 Test centuries in 52 Test matches would surpass the record of Don Bradman. After playing their 52nd Test match Sunil Gavasker and Sachin Tendulkar had hardy scored thirteen or fourteen centuries. Statistics involve you in mind-boggling tricks of the trade. Don’t look at the statistics. Look at the millions of loitering children in the streets. Look at the number of sick and starving people who die in countless number on the pavements every day.
Question: Do you feel interested in national and provincial politics? Do you follow it keenly?
AVJ: I feel fascinated by our political culture. The Khans, Sardars, Choudhries, and Waderas have mutually earmarked Assembly seats for their family members. The grandfathers, fathers and sons, husbands and wives, in-laws of every type, brothers, half-brother, cousins and half-cousins sit in the cozy comforts of the Assemblies, and they run the affairs of the country in a wonderful way. Pakistan is a family affair for our politicians.
Question: How do you feel the economy is doing?
AVJ: Economy of the country is being looked after by the brainy bulls and bears in the Stock Markets. It is parallel economy that flourishes from Bara Markets all over the country and abounds on written off loans.
Question: Do you feel your parents were better off — not in terms of wealth but peace of mind — than you?
AVJ: Children do not bother to peep deep into the mind and soul of their parents. The parents in all ages have constantly endeavoured for securing the future of their children. Peace of mind is a relative term. Parents of a wayward son like me never ever know peace of mind. What they know is piece of mind in their precarious possession.
Question: Are you satisfied with the social values as they are prevailing today?
AVJ: We are heading towards a liberal, progressive and forward-looking society. My son and I drink and smoke together. My daughter leaves in the evening with her boyfriend and returns next morning tired and exhausted. My wife and I do not ask her what she had been doing all night with her boyfriend.
