FIVE years ago, I was at a social gathering in Boston when a good looking girl stepped into the room. I asked a friend who the girl was. I was told that she was a lawyer from Harvard and was probably earning more than what half the men in the room we were in put together. “Wow,” I exclaimed in admiration. Another girl sitting next to me said, “What is the point? She is over 30 and she is still unmarried, poor thing.”
Back then I was 24 years old and I didn’t really give much importance to the issue. Today, however, I am 29, unmarried and I am reminded of that day. I look around at my unhappy married friends and my sad single buddies, and wonder which situation is better: married and miserable or single and sad.
We keep on talking about women’s liberation. But is this all a farce? If a woman’s ultimate goal in life is to get married, what is the point in demanding liberation when she eventually needs a man to give her a sense of completeness. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a misogynist. In fact, I think its good to have a life partner. But I wonder when the constant pressure reaches its end. I read Pride and Prejudice a few days ago. I was amazed at the uncanny similarity between our mothers and Mrs Bennett.
This might sound quixotic, but I feel one should get married for the right reasons. Now this poses another question. What are the right reasons? Well the reasons can be love (they say that goes out the window the moment you say I do), money (what if one loses it all?), family and security. This brings me to the final and the most powerful reason: marriage for the sake of marriage. Most people get married because we have been conditioned to believe that its an eventuality, and the sooner a girl gets married the better husband she will get.
I would be a fierce proponent of the institution of marriage if my married friends were blissfully happy. Unfortunately this is not the case. Two inevitable problems faced by a couple living together are increased responsibility and issues related to the ‘in-laws’. You talk to any Pakistani daughter-in-law and she will have a lot of complaints against her mother-in-law. Who is right and who is wrong is another matter, but the fact remains that the luxurious life and love that we get accustomed to at our parents place are taken away from us the moment we get married. Some people say that the mothers should not pamper and spoil their daughters and must make them aware of the hardships that marriage invariably brings with itself?
Looking at the flip side of the coin, we have unmarried girls who, one would think, would be having the time of their lives as single girls. But it would be hard to deny that an unmarried girl always looks for a potential husband wherever she goes. Girls have to watch out for their reputation too, which gets tainted with one appearance at a party not usually considered decent. And then, of course, we cannot overlook the fact that how cautious married women are about their husbands being too friendly with single women.
So the fact remains that single men want to get married and married people crave for a life of a single man. Can there ever be a compromise between the two worlds?
I am optimistic. I think if there is a deep understanding between the couple, things can get settled. Respect each other’s rights and don’t wash your dirty linen in public. By doing this the couple may achieve a lot than what it must have initially bargained for. As women are becoming more and more independent, men are being hounded by a lot of thoughts which make them a bit difficult to accept the modern woman.
Coming back to my initial question as to which state of life is better? I think each has its own charm. Crazy partying life in college and getting high on a professional success is something that always gives fun. On the other hand, having a loving husband who can provide a shoulder to cry on is also not bad.
FIVE years ago, I was at a social gathering in Boston when a good looking girl stepped into the room. I asked a friend who the girl was. I was told that she was a lawyer from Harvard and was probably earning more than what half the men in the room we were in put together. “Wow,” I exclaimed in admiration. Another girl sitting next to me said, “What is the point? She is over 30 and she is still unmarried, poor thing.”
