It has often been seen that we get readily influenced by anyone who is even remotely associated withthe West. And this is where we lose our identity
“YOU’VE come back from abroad; you haven’t changed at all.” You can replace the word ‘abroad’ with any Western country. I wonder what changes people expect of those who go abroad for some time after living in Pakistan all their lives.
A friend of mine was kind enough to be very clear with respect to the changes she expected. “I thought you would cut and dye your hair, get rid of your glasses and wear contact lenses instead.” But for the rest I can think of so many other changes that I could have had, like growing a tail or a pair of horns.
It is simply a mystery to me why a person has to change after returning from the West. When I am in Pakistan, I speak Urdu, and when I am in another country I speak English, or whatever language is spoken there — provided I am familiar with it. So if I have been abroad for a year or two and have not spoken Urdu during that time, does that mean I have forgotten the language — the language that I have spoken all my life? I may not be a genius, but I don’t think I have a bad memory that cannot retain more than one language.
When I am in Pakistan, I wear shalwar and qameez and not Western dresses. So if I have spent some time outside the country, does that mean I am not used to this dress anymore? Or that I should prove that I have been abroad by following the Western dress code?
When I am in Karachi, I am accustomed to the horribly hot weather, the torturous roads, the not-so-clean air, and the noisy traffic. But after being away for a year, should these things suddenly become unbearable to me? Should the weather become ‘too hot and humid’, the air ‘too smelly’, the traffic ‘too rowdy’ and the roads ‘too dirty’?
I don’t understand why we have to change. Are we afraid of ourselves of who we are? Do we have some inferiority complex about our identity? Do we have no confidence in ourselves? Do we have to be overwhelmed by the glitters of the West? Or is it that we have to prove that we have ‘seen the world’?
Someone put a question to me, “Did you wear those short sleeveless tops there, the ones you can’t wear here?” I had to ask, “Why? I don’t like wearing such clothes.” “Come on, you should have tried them, just for fun. They look so cool. Too bad we can’t wear them here.” Another asked, “Did you go to the discos there?” I said, “I don’t see any point of going there.” “Come on, you should have enjoyed yourself there. You don’t have to be such a bore.”
Talking of changes, there was a girl I knew who after a three-month visit to England, changed so much that I had difficulty recognizing her. Not only did she go through a complete external transformation (in terms of hair, eye and skin colour) but also adopted a whole new attitude. She refused to talk in Urdu and tried hopelessly to speak in British accent. She would have made some impression had she not been over-enthusiastic and avoided using ‘avery’ for ‘every; and ‘hay-py’ for ‘happy’.
While I was in Germany, I overheard an interesting conversation between two Pakistani students. One student was commenting on how other South Asian students mingled with German students and they (Pakistanis) hadn’t and the other replied, “Because, they (the other South Asian students) can follow the German lifestyle. They can eat together, drink alcohol and go to nightclubs. We have our restrictions. How can we join them? But yes if you want to survive here, you have to be like them.” And if you ask someone why they are doing this as it is not right, the answer will be, “Kya karein, karna parta hai” (We have no choice, we have to do it). No wonder when someone returns unchanged from abroad and especially the West, it is a surprise for many.
I can go on complaining about how we Pakistanis get influenced by the West. Instead of establishing our identity to let the world know who we are and what our culture is, we get influenced by them. And we don’t need many years to achieve this; few months are enough for a complete change.
Since so many people asked me about the change, I had to think that there must be something that I started doing after my return, something that I rarely did earlier. And I found so many things. Now if someone says, “You’ve been abroad and you haven’t changed,” I can answer, “Yes I have.” I say thank you to everyone if they do something for me, regardless of their age or social status. I do not throw garbage wherever I want even though I know it doesn’t matter since everybody is doing it. I know the value of time and importance of being punctual. I know that I should not use English words when I can say the same thing in Urdu. I say ‘No’ politely but firmly when I know I cannot do any task instead of saying ‘Yes’ and later making excuses. Instead of complaining all the time about Pakistan not having this or that, I better do something about it or not complain at all. I know that I am different from the people in the West and I’d rather keep my own identity than adopt theirs.
