I’M always in a rush ... there are so many things to do and so little time. Morning rituals are performed in a huff. There is no room for a detailed look in the mirror, fitness or proper dress-up sessions. I quickly change my clothes, tie hair tightly in a catcher and dash towards the kitchen where numerous tasks are waiting for me.
Cleaning counters and washing utensils is a must as insects attack the kitchen during the night no matter how many insecticides have been used to keep them away. Once finished, breakfast is prepared on one side and boiled water on the other.
“I must have breakfast before the call comes,” I thought to myself and picked up a sandwich just as the doorbell rang.
“Who’s there?” I asked out of sheer desperation.
“Kachraywala!” called out the sweeper.
Leaving breakfast, I went about collecting trash from the three dustbins. I returned to my breakfast quickly.
“Mama, Mama,” a half-asleep, half-awake cry came from the bedroom. I ran to wash my hands and to attend to my son. It takes 5-10 minutes to cheer him up. Changing his nappy and clothes after the morning wash was enough to have him start protesting loudly. Forgetting my now-cold breakfast, I got busy feeding my little one.
When the maid, Nasreen, arrived, another round of chores began. The easy availability of maids in Pakistan has made women’s life much easier here, but making them work is a tedious task in itself. The rest of the morning was spent assisting and guiding Nasreen with detergents and dusters to get the chores done properly. At the same time, I had to attend to my little son with a variety of foods and gimmicks to meet his nutrition and emotional requirements.
By the time the maid had left and my son settled down, lunch was just round the corner. Taking a few bites of the stale sandwich with cold tea, I started preparing lunch. Then it was time for my son’s oil massage and bath. He often sleeps soundly afterwards, so I thought I could heave a sigh of relief then. After he fell asleep, I hurried to finish leftover chores, water the plants and take a bath as well. Before I was through, my son woke up again and the routine continued with evening delights and dinner preparations. A few moments of relief came when other family members were there to look after him, but I only got respite once he finally went to sleep late in the night and I fell down on my bed, nearly unconscious.
Housewives are always on duty. They avail no holidays, no vacations not even shift changes or meal breaks, specially if they have small children to care of. Though joint family setups still exist in our society, it is rapidly losing its essence. The responsibilities of modern-day mothers have become manifold. They have to learn everything about child nurture by trial and error. Since it is next to impossible to schedule an infant’s routine, day-to-day tasks such as meals, baths or even proper sleep is a luxury for any mother.
Things are even tougher for educated, working and career-oriented women. In the absence of reliable day-care centres, a majority of new mothers have no option but to give up their careers and stay at home. Some of them opt for part-time jobs in nearby schools to satisfy their urge to work.
A few really ambitious ones may hire maids or leave their kids in available day-care centres or a relative’s house. But both the children and mothers suffer this way in most cases. This setup often leads to emotionally and physically neglected infants suffering from eating and sleeping disorders. Such mothers cannot perform well and are desperate for leaves or holidays to spend some time with their kids. They are also subject to guilt both at the workplace and at home.
Anum is a doctor by profession and the mother of a one-year-old daughter. She has no plans to pursue her career until her daughter’s starts attending school. “I would leave my daughter at her grandparents’ house, but every time I returned from the long hours of my house-job, I found both my mother and my child disturbed. Grandparents undoubtedly love their grandchildren a lot but they don’t have the stamina to meet a young child’s requirements. And when my daughter got ill, I was blamed for negligence.” She is not sure she can ever practice, as her doctor husband is too busy to share parental responsibilities, but wants more children.
Only a few lucky working mothers manage to balance their personal and professional life with support from their husbands and close family members, such as grandparents and aunts. These days, play-schools and nurseries in fashionable areas also offer child-care services.
The biggest sacrifice a mother can make for her kids is to put them before her career. They are the founding pillars on which the entire structure of the family institution is based. Their sacrifices give birth to great personalities, as they devote their physical energy, mental and emotional strength to children without any appreciation or rewards in most cases.
I’M always in a rush ... there are so many things to do and so little time. Morning rituals are performed in a huff. There is no room for a detailed look in the mirror, fitness or proper dress-up sessions. I quickly change my clothes, tie hair tightly in a catcher and dash towards the kitchen where numerous tasks are waiting for me.
