A project for all those who crave a peaceful resting place for themselves or for their elders in an ambience filled with coastal breeze, palm trees and idyllic surroundings

THIS is a mega project that you will all ‘die’ to invest in. At the time of buoyant investment activity in lands and plots, specially in Defence and sky-rocketing prices of property, chances of your purchasing a piece of land are diminishing faster than you care to acknowledge. At this time, we are delighted to offer this project as an opportunity for you to own your very own land in the prime locality of the city before time or land runs out. This is a unique project and offers features and advantages never heard of before. The project is tailored to meet, even exceed, the expectations of different classes of people i.e rich, middle class and poor, without any discrimination whatsoever. There are immense benefits for the family, as you will find out in the details below.

This is a project for all those who crave a peaceful resting place for themselves or for their elders in an ambience filled with coastal breeze, palm trees and idyllic surroundings. You are all invited to visit and observe for yourself what pleasant future awaits you and the family members who will visit the graves. The elderly who are running on grace period and are on the edge must strictly care for their medication in order to survive one more year when the project will be fully ready. Please note that we are not offering services of digging out bodies from other graveyards and transporting them here. Second-hand dead are not permissible since it can pollute our imported soil.

The project is spread across 50 acres of land and divided into five phases. Three phases will offer land for sale, the fourth phase is reserved for a commercial emporium/shopping mall while the fifth phase is reserved for an amusement park. A jogging track skirting the graves of Phase I is being planned. The suggestion of a golf course is also under consideration (stay fit while offering respect to the departed souls). Phase I is the prime area with bigger allotments of 10ft by 6ft each. Every allotment is a corner one. 50,000 well dug-out graves will be available with a complimentary coffin box made from expensive teak wood. Soil and earth will be imported from Europe and fibre-glass canopies will be available with the land. Water used will be mineral. All graves will have mini-speakers which will broadcast recitations of the choice of the deceased on all days except Sundays, Eid and Valentine’s Day when the staff will be on leave. Security will be dead tight and no one will be allowed to enter and leave the premises after 10pm. Close-circuit cameras will be installed in each grave to monitor any unnatural movement. Rich families can bury women with their favourite necklaces without worry. We give guarantee that the dead and their belongings will be preserved forever. The transparent grave is another unique idea where frozen bodies will be visible through glass. We guarantee temperature but make-up for the dead should be imported in order for it to stand the test of time.

For affluent couples, we introduce the concept of twin graves in this phase. Called ‘Eternal Love Suites’, these will have marble floors, heart-shaped coffins and expensive insecticides and body sprays as special services. Families can select various poses and postures of the bodies like hand-in-hand, smiling at each other, etc. Our executive director believes that such graves will be spiritually beneficial to the family. However the husbands’ written consent duly notarized by notary public will be necessary for these suites. Special option of Taj Mahal style mini-tombs is also available for wives in case spouse wants to play fair before the second marriage.

Phase II is for the middle class. Barring unavailability of a few benefits of Phase I, this scheme will also be as attractive. Offered soil will be local. Security will be manual in the shape of two security guards. Middle class is fond of sitting on benches when on recreation, therefore each grave will be designed to also serve as a bench in case someone in the family is overwhelmed with emotions or guilt. In Phase I, benches will be separate from the graves.

Phase III is for the poor. Being an equal opportunity developer, we believe that rich and poor are no different once six feet under. However certain demarcation is necessary since grieving habits of the relatives of the rich and the poor are vastly different. The poor will have to bring their own soil and earth. Average ownership period of the grave will be 10 years after which the developer will reserve the right to lease the grave afresh. No other graveyard offers a 10-year guarantee to the poor. A special area aptly labelled ‘Mass Graves’ will also be provided to cater to the fast-emerging burial needs arising due to the high number of casualties in bomb blasts and bus accidents.

The emporium/mall will house 100 shops and will be a great opportunity for families, specially ladies who, after offering their respects to the family elders, can wash away their sorrows by buying new clothes and jewellery, rediscover the will to live and profligate till they drop dead. Shops are available on easy instalments. The architecture will be such that the emporium will resemble a giant grave. We are trying to make it earthquake proof. In the amusement park, there will be many attractions including a House of Dracula. How can we forget him?

So, it will be a perfect place for recreation for the entertainment-starved families of the city. In future, we also have plans to hold rock concerts. Any place worth recreation needs to have a food court and here it will be called ‘Undertaker’. The menu will include delicious items such as brain masala, liver shwarma and meat balls, all cooked with ‘fresh supplies’, etc.

 

ELIGIBILITY OF THE APPLICANTS FOR PARTICIPATING IN BALLOTING:

* All Muslim sons and daughters can apply for their parents, uncles and aunts.

* Parents/guardians can apply for themselves with the consent of children, as they are the ones who will have to pay the maintenance fee.

* No Al Qaeda fugitive can apply for a grave as refuge.

* Spouses of all types.

 

OTHER INFORMATION:

* Special discounts are available for two graves and for family deals. Initial booking money is not refundable.

* The booked ‘to be dead’ must die within three years from the date of booking, otherwise additional Rs2,000 per month will be charged from the family. In other words, it would be the responsibility of the family to ensure that this condition is not violated.

* The company reserves the right to throw out any rotten dead in case there is a danger of seepage.

* In Phase I, if rich people want to be buried with pets, they can do so provided pet has died within two days of the deceased. No separate coffin will be provided.

* No eatables will be allowed in the graveyard section of the complex and certainly none inside the grave.

* Relatives must ensure that the deceased has been pronounced dead by the doctor and is not in deep coma.

* All dead to be buried must be properly dressed.

* Shooting of horror films may be allowed, but the film company must bring their own stock of dead bodies.

* Cases under police investigation will not be admitted.

If this is not investing in future, then what is? Apply now before owning land in Karachi becomes completely prohibited.