March 7, 2004

As long as man was a hunter and a nomad, the relationship between the genders was one of freedom and equality. Women came to be the repository of honour when the hunters settled down and became farmers. It was then that the ‘my’ factor crept in. My land. My Crops. My Tools. My House. My Woman. And, thus, depriving one’s woman of her chastity became the ultimate revenge

WHY do we still get surprised? Every once in a while newspapers report an incident that outrages the whole country. It may be Nawabpur, or Mianwalli, or Sanghar or Jatoi, but such instances remain matters of hot discussion for a few weeks before our conscience recedes back into the slumber mode. Articles, news items, editorials, columns, letters, statements by NGOs and activists, and then the furore dies a silent death, only for the cycle to repeat itself all over again when the next such incident takes place.

But why do we get so surprised? Don’t we all know that such incidents — yes, I am talking about honour killings, gang rapes, naked parades, and giving of females as compensation to enemies for wrongs done in the past, and gang-raping of females as punishment for alleged wrongs done by the males of their family — are a normal part of our rural society and its ‘sacrosanct’ traditions?

Traditions are held to be even more important than religious or moral values. The urban people with their education and liberal outlook may be shocked, but the village dweller with centuries of patriarchal traditions and subsequent distorted notions of ‘honour’ accepts these as facts of life, and, whether male or female, plays an active role in promoting and sustaining such customs.

Why do such incidents take place? How can such things be allowed to take place? These and such other questions are frequently asked by bewildered city dwellers. But, I ask, how can they possibly not take place? For, considering the position, place and identity of women in our society, such incidents are inevitable. In fact, the surprising thing is that there aren’t more of them.

Now before outraged feminists reach out for my blood, let me make my position clear by asking a simple question: What is the position of women in our society? She is a mother, a sister and a daughter. She is the symbol of our honour. Heaven lies under the feet of the mother. A father of several daughters is blessed several times over. Behind every great man is a women. I am sure these are the indignant and very righteous answers that I am going to get.

Religion, mythology and history have accorded woman a very exalted position. She is Mary, the mother. She is Sita. She is Lakshmi. She is Minerva. She is Venus. She is Nefertiti. She is Nurjehan.

But what she is not, is the plain and simple Samina Akhtar, Aliya Ahmed, Uzma Ali, Saima Sultan or Hina Khan — a person in her own right, with her own separate identity, her own likes and dislikes, her own problems and priorities, and the right to spend her life the way she wants to. A person who is not known only in connection with her father, brother, husband or other men in her family, but for her own accomplishments. A person who can form her own relationships, make her own friends, pursue her own interests, and follow a career of her own choice.

From the day a female child is born, whether in a town, a village, a rich or a poor family, educated or uneducated, her life is structured. The father knows that he has a burden on his shoulders that has to be got rid of as soon as possible. The mother knows that her responsibilities have grown manifold; that from now on her eyes are to remain ever vigilant and her hand will be full.

It is not only an economic burden, as many of our western educated sociologists assume. It is not only the fact that he has to provide for her dowry that makes a father’s hair turn white. In fact, in most places in our feudal setup and tribal society, a daughter can be considered to be an economic asset, as it is the groom who has to pay the bride price, and the younger and better looking the bride, the greater the price that her father can command.

The problem lies elsewhere. It is the fact that every female is seen as a potential threat to the family’s honour that makes her such a burden. One false step, one innocent misdemeanour, a simple giving in to a natural urge, an indulgence that would not even merit any comment in a male, is considered enough to bring the father’s or the brother’s pug (turban) come tumbling down. In some places, just looking at a male, or talking to him, or being alone in a place with him is enough to brand a girl as a kari.

Thus, the girl child has from the start to be reined in, to be shackled, to be guarded at all times like a precious gem. A terrible burden, indeed. No wonder female children were put to death in pre-Islamic Arabia, and female fetuses are still aborted in neighbouring India.

But how did women come to be the repository of honour? Has it always been like this?

History tells us that as long as man was a hunter and a nomad, the relationship between the genders was one of freedom and equality. Members of the tribes travelled together, and females were for the most part, barring certain taboos peculiar to each tribe, shared among the male members. However, they had their own identity, and children were known by the names of their mothers.

It was only when the hunters settled down and became farmers that the ‘my’ factor crept in. My land. My Crops. My Tools. My House. My Woman. And, thus, the fate of the woman was sealed. It took no time for ‘my woman’ to become ‘my wife, ‘my daughter’, ‘my sister’ and ‘my mother’.

Soon, children began to be known by the names of their fathers, wives by the names of their husbands, and the woman’s identity for all intents and purposes became non-existent. She became the possession of her man, a piece of property that had to be guarded at all costs from the covetous eyes of the others. Chastity, whether physical or otherwise (even if only in the mind) became the most important characteristic of a woman — if she has lost it, she has lost all value, and in no time, the most potent too] in the hands of a man’s or a clan’s enemies. Deprive his woman of her chastity, and you have given him the ultimate humiliation!

The giving and taking of women to solve disputes, kidnapping, gang rapes and other forms of humiliation for women were an inevitable outcome as was the veiling and seclusion of woman, and confining her within four walls.

And so it has continued till the present day.

For backward societies like ours, this has come to be accepted as a way of life, and there is little motivation to change, even among the educated.

Our women proudly sing Hum Maaien, Hum Behnain, Hum Betian; Quomon Ki Izzat Hum Se Hai (we mothers, we sisters, we daughters; the honour of nations depends on us) without realizing that in this way they are themselves reinforcing the same patriarchal notion that have bound them for millenniums, turned them into a commodity, and have not allowed them to stand on their own two feet.

On the occasion of the international Women’s Day, which falls tomorrow, March 8, there are conferences, seminars and rallies. There is much talk of empowering women, educating women, creating employment opportunities for women, women in politics, women in business, repeal of laws inimical to women, enactment of new laws facilitating women ... The list is endless. But the question arises, is all this doing any good? Is it all that we should be doing, or should we change our thinking and go one step further?

For example, no one would deny the importance of education for females. But is education enough to raise the status of women and empower them? Let us not forget the case of Afsheen, a Computer Science graduate. Even her hi-tech education could not save her from being killed for honour.

Let us also not forget that such high-profile cases only represent the tip of the iceberg. For every Afsheen or Shaista who defies her family norms, there are a thousand Asmas, Parveens and Sakinas, who submit gracefully and go through a lifetime of misery because they lack the will or the courage to rebel against the decisions of their elders. Most girls, yes even highly educated girls, do not want to make a public spectacle of themselves and have their dirty linen splashed in the media, as was done in the Shaista Almani case.

Economic empowerment? Yes, may be. But again let’s not forget that the typical masi, who works in many homes cleaning and washing, is an earning member of the family, in many cases the sole earning member. But invariably it is her husband who takes away her pay packet, and gives her a daily beating in the bargain.

And if we think that things are different for the educated working woman, we are only deluding ourselves. True, a working wife is in a good position to assert her rights and claim her independence, but how many do so, or even want to do so? Obviously, for most women, keeping the husband happy and satisfied is much more important than any hypothetical talk about rights. And the average woman would gladly give in to the wishes of her husband, no matter how unreasonable, rather than defy him and endanger her marriage.

Political empowerment? Oh yeah! We can proudly boast of the number of women in our assemblies, which is a highly impressive figure indeed even by the standards of much more developed countries. But a look at the genealogies of these women will shatter all our pride in an instant. How many of these women have made it on their own? How many have had a sound political training or political experience? How many of them are personalities in their own right? Would they have been elected if they were not the wives, sisters, daughters or nieces of known political figures or feudal lords of their areas? And have these women initiated any new legislation or passed any resolution to help the cause of women?

Speaking of legislation, one feels by listening to NGO activists or media commentators that it is only the laws that are holding back the women of this country, and that once the repressive laws are repealed our problems will be solved. But is it really so?

I sincerely believe that the Hudood Ordinances should and must be repealed. But are all our problems caused because of them? There already are laws on our statute books against killing anyone, man or woman. But will the enactment of a new law be enough to eradicate honour killing? Will the making of laws outlawing vani and swara end these social evils and stop forced marriages of minor girls? There already is a law in which the minimum age for marriage is laid out. But is that law being followed? Legally, there is no sardari system in our country. It has been ended by law. But is it really so?

What we have to understand is that educating women, providing them with employment opportunities, making them economically independent, reserving seats for them in the assemblies, and making laws to facilitate them are all laudatory objectives. But just that is not enough, because such steps do not go to the root of the matter. Tackling these issues is like curing the symptoms of a disease, but curing the symptoms does not heal the body.

For that we need something much more drastic! For my part, I believe cosmetic measures to empower woman are not going to work. What we need is a whole new paradigm regarding the position of woman, a complete change of attitude. We need to open up a debate on the actual position of woman in our society.

Is woman really a possession of her father or guardian, who takes responsibility for her and makes decisions for her and then hands her over to her husband who becomes her new ‘owner’ and gets rights over her for the rest of her life? Or is she a human being created by God in the same way as man with the same basic rights — the right to think for herself, to take decisions for herself, to make her own mistakes and to learn from them?

Unless this basic matter is settled, I am afraid the position of women in our society would continue to be ambiguous and outrages against women would continue without any let-up. Unfortunate, but true.

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