January 18, 2004

Environmental, cultural, traditional and family influences are too strong to allow any new thought to take root in our youth

UPPER, middle or lower, no matter what class, our youth is immersed in a quest — a search for ideals. It is heartwarming to see the desire for personal growth expressed by the 18-24 year-old segment of our population. This quest takes many shapes, encounters several hurdles and yet ends up taking the conventional form of a job-seeker and family-maker. Environmental, cultural, traditional and family influences are too strong to allow new thought to take root.

Those who enter this quest initially experience a high, as they get to feel their personal strength, their potential and the immense possibilities our country has to offer. They learn to express their ideals, ask questions and thus discover their own sources of confidence. Other groups respond, as they, too, are on the same journey. The groups’ idealism is reinforced and energized enough to launch it out into the open.

That is when dogma, tradition and ‘family values’ strike. The as yet uncrystalized vision created by search loses form and boomerangs to conventionalism. Foresight blurs and the young traveller stumbles upon a dead end.

Eight per cent of the students who reach a point in their lives where they have to choose a line of professional studies face tough resistance from their parents. It is mostly the father who urges his son to accept his choice. On the contrary, the son is aware of his own interests and would rather study for a different career. There is no matching the pain caused by the guilt and confusion the youngster suffers from.

The father, too, is in a similar state — not guilty but confused, fearful and in doubt. He wants to continue protecting his child from the fiercely competitive world and ensure that the son is equipped with the tools to earn him and his family-to-be a comfortable life. Experience has taught the father not to mess with tradition, to accept the cruelty of ‘reality’ and shun idealism as a fool’s pastime. This line of thinking lends authority, with the father often having to threaten to get his way.

The young suffer from other confusions too: Why do I have to have a lavish wedding? I want a simple wedding but my family and culture demand that I make it an elaborate affair; Why can’t I act in a play? Why do my parents say ‘Don’t be a bhaand?’; Why is it that only men can ride a motorbike? Why can’t I be allowed to make my own mistakes? Why can’t my parents understand my view on life-matters?

Having to resort to expressing opinions and beliefs with peers only — who themselves lack the knowledge on such issues — some of these vulnerable youngsters then seek refuge in alcohol, drugs and rebellion.

The unmanaged emotional turmoil does not allow them to see a win-win solution for themselves, their parents and for the environment. This often leads to violence, or retreating into a shell. They become puppets, with their strings in the hands of those pursuing their own political and power motives, or the victim of these puppets. Their eyes lose the gleam of youth and they succumb to the dictates of the environment. The volatile student unions in our universities are an example of this condition as is the state of those seen huddled together, deriving their strength from group support; in other, more regulated institutions.

Thought and creativity is stimulated after becoming aware that each problem has a solution that is acceptable to the stockholders. Realizing that they are capable of setting the direction for their life; faith and trust in themselves produces confidence. They admit that they must respect currently prevailing beliefs of their parents and of society, but have the option of choosing their own, within parameters defined by growth, service and discipline. Winning the hearts and minds of their parents and pursuing a direction of choice becomes the challenge.

This is a description of the state of young people who often visit the School of Leadership (SoL). Launched on January 1, 2003, it complements mainstream education by offering students, faculty and administration of educational institutions personal and professional development programmes, as well as a regular counselling ground for youngsters and their parents.

Having worked with young people from rural and urban areas, SoL has several examples of success. From Panjgur, a young man is a budding journalist and already writes in a unique, capturing manner. He is bent on pursuing this line, with the blessings of his parents, and actualize his special gift of writing. Another, a LUMS student, is becoming an entrepreneur in theatre, already having four plays to his credit, and finding opportunities in media. A group of young boys in Khairpur, managing an NGO, provide the local youth a platform for constructive expression. In Larkana, another young people’s NGO is working on building a self-sustaining community infrastructure. A young lady, confined to a wheelchair, is urging the government to make ramps in public places for ease of mobility for the handicapped. Whether individually or in groups, youngsters are seen as becoming the source of uplift and advancement of our society. What is promising is that they are taking charge of their future, instead of joining in the blame game.

Honesty is seen as the overarching value of our younger generation. They demand truth and are intolerant to lies. At the second Young Leaders’ Conference (YLC) held in Karachi in July 2003, with 170 youngsters from all over Pakistan, a renowned politician of our country declared that YLC will become the true accountability forum for Pakistani politicians in the years to come.

In a recent experience of facilitating a programme of 140 newly-recruited police officers, striving for excellence was accepted as a way of life. It is not about the results, achievements and the recognition; it is about the effort, the striving. The young minds, who came from a conventional environment, easily accepted the concept of making learning a way of life, of personal growth being a means to the end of collective improvement through service and mutual gain.

Small groups of young people are taking the bold step of starting enterprises, with a few in the private sector lending the infrastructure, coaching and encouragement. These individuals form teams, and during their summer vacations or a year off from studies, gain professional experience and indulge in commercially viable business projects. Thus, confidence sores, the key to self-motivation is discovered and faith in the future is strengthened. Fear is overcome, risk taking is acknowledged as a way forward and mediocrity is no more seen as an option.

In the same spirit, parents are urged to have greater faith in their children. Parents and families collectively will benefit greatly if they trust the capabilities of their children. Our youth is much more aware than we were at their age. Their minds work faster and seek larger challenges. The fastest, surest but toughest way to connect with the youth is by listening to them while suspending judgment. Building bridges across the generation gap breeds confidence in the parent-child relationship. The structure is delicate and needs constant care, but the triumph is just as rewarding.

Once the family bond is established, the youth will not need to seek refuge in peer groups. They will learn to cherish family values and enjoy being part of a team, aspiring for mutual understanding and respect.

Our youth are learning to think, so let us support them and be a part of this renaissance.

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