‘A lethal weapon of mass destruction has been surreptitiously kept in an apartment in a God-forsaken building in Ramswami,’ announced FBI agent Major Bernard Brute
STRATEGIC scholars in the American University of Asian Affairs in North-West Apachiland disclosed the existence of the most lethal weapon in a desolate apartment of a Godforsaken building in Karachi. According to the research report, the building is situated in Ramswami, one of the congested old localities of Karachi.
In fact, the American University of Asian Affairs is not the only university in the US that has intensely addressed the number-one problem in the world — terrorism. Ever since the destruction of the World Trade Centre in Manhattan, New York City, almost all the universities in the US have established a department of counter-terrorism on their campuses. The outcome of the 20-month research reports has pleased the FBI agents and the Pentagon. The crux of the several research reports is identical. It states: ‘Maxim is, if you want peace, prepare for war. Similarly, the best way to tackle terrorism is to unleash terror’.
People on the other side of the globe believe illiteracy, injustice, ignorance and poverty together constitute the number-one problem in loan-riddled countries in the Third World. The universities and the strategic institutions on this side of the globe have evolved ingenious curricula for tackling their number-one problem. They teach how to borrow loans from World Bank, Asian Development Bank, IMF and rich countries all over the earth. They also teach how to collect millions of dollars in Zakat from affluent Arab monarchs, and the young and old princes. It is always in the technique of tackling the number-one problem that keeps the countries poles apart.
An elite team of agents drawn from FBI and Pentagon arrived in Karachi last week to tackle their number-one problem. They named their mission ‘Operation Fairy Play’. Their local counterparts in Karachi thought they had come looking for Saddam Hussain. Earlier last month, they had combed the tribal belt in search of Osama.
The local agents were flabbergasted when FBI agent Major Bernard Brute announced, “Gentlemen, a lethal weapon of mass destruction has been surreptitiously kept in an apartment in the Godforsaken building in Ramswami.”
A high-ranking local agent, Doonga said, “It is unbelievable, Major Brute.”
“We know what is believable, and what is not believable,” Major Brute said. “Our information is authentic.”
Doonga did not enter into debate with Major Brute. He knew he was at the receiving end. Major Brute handed him a task paper, and said, “This is what we want to know from you.”
The task paper spelled out basic information about the last occupant of the desolate apartment, and his history of crimes.
As customary, the secret talks between Major Brute and his local counterpart, Doonga, leaked out overnight. On hearing that a lethal weapon of mass destruction was lying in the desolate apartment, the rest of the occupants, fearing holocaust, deserted the Godforsaken building. Soon thereafter, hundreds of thousands of pigeons came fluttering in from nowhere, and occupied the cornices, balconies, broken beams, open corridors and roof of the Godforsaken building. It was a puzzling phenomenon. A sagacious among the local counterparts of FBI agents said, “Death is preceded by the arrival of birds.”
Meanwhile, the hounds of the local agents located the last occupant of the desolate apartment. His name was Aks. A retired primary teacher, he was lean and unusually tall. During the initial interrogation, he revealed, “I have not deserted the apartment.”
Doonga conversed with him in Urdu, and said, “But, you are hardly seen in the apartment!”
Aks said, “I roam around Frere Hall.”
Doonga translated the reply for Major Brute, and said, “No wonder, the American Consulate is situated in the proximity of Frere Hall.”
Doonga then talked to Aks, and asked, “What do you do?”
Aks came a few steps closer to Doonga, and said, “I keep vigil on the most lethal weapon I have inherited from my great grandfather.”
Doonga stepped back, talked to Major Brute and said, “He admits owning a lethal weapon.”
Major Brute asked, “When did he last use the weapon?”
To everyone’s surprise instead of Doonga, the lanky Aks spoke in English. He said, “It was last used by my great grandfather against the British imperialists in the freedom movement.”
“Was he a terrorist?”
“He was a writer.”
Thereafter, Major Brute worked out plans for assault on the desolate apartment. He commanded Doonga, and said, “Take the terrorist to his apartment and recover the lethal weapon.”
Doonga dragged the lanky tenant to his flat in the Godforsaken building. As Aks unlocked the door, the pigeons took to their wings. The floor of the two-room apartment was covered with droppings of the birds. It was dumped with books, heaps of old magazines and newspapers, AV cassettes, CDs and gramophone records.
Doonga looked around, and asked, “Have you concealed the lethal weapon under the heaps of books and magazines?”
Aks walked up to a three-legged table, and brought out an ancient-looking fountain pen. Displaying it to Doonga, the lanky Aks said, “With this weapon my great grandfather overwhelmed the mighty British, and drove them out from India.”
Doonga snatched the fountain pen from the lanky tenant, “You call this wretched thing a weapon?” He threw the fountain pen on the floor, and crushed it under his boots. He then talked to Major Brute on the wireless and said, “Weapon recovered and destroyed. Mission accomplished.”
