Dr Yahia Khairy Abdul-Rahman is not our typical mullah, but a high achiever in academics and finance — smart enough to educate his daughters at an Ivy League institution and invest for his wife’s corporate career
“Meet my second wife,” the young man points to an expressionless Japanese woman packed in a chaddar. We have just finished our Friday prayers at the mosque in Honolulu, the only one. Inside the cloistered quarters (actually it’s an airy room with open windows) confined to women, the man-made segregation robs us of a face-to-face with the Imam. He’s come from California to deliver the sermon. Being women, we must only watch him on close circuit TV.
Liberated out in the open to freely move around and mix with Pakistani residents rather feels good. There’s quite a bunch and the bonhomie abundantly visceral. Athar Rashid Dar comes my way. He appears excited to share his ‘success’ story and show off his SUV standing by, the black Land Cruiser, and of course his trophy — the Japanese wife. Earlier, I notice her as we stand in rows to offer prayers. The chaddar she’s tightly wrapped in grabs my eye — it looks so typically Pakistani with its traditional embroidery. I wonder how she has come by it this side of the Pacific!
Soon enough, I have the answer. Athar breaks into Urdu (I think his wife, though newly married, is quite used to being left out), and voluntarily tells me about his first wife. “She didn’t come — she’s at home; she’s American; she’s a Muslim.”
In one wordy sentence, I learn of the sum of Mr Dar’s conjugal bliss: how the two wives live together in peace and harmony. He has kids from the first only, so I’m told.
“I run a limo service and also own a marriage agency — getting Japanese women across to marry US citizens,” Athar continues. There’s nothing dissembling about his Pollyannaish charm.
I marvel at the man’s free capital marketing mind. By golly, he’s a blue-blooded Yankee when it comes to doing business — he even sports a tuft of blonde, dyed and gelled right in front like the hip fellas of today.
As for the sticky question of bigamy, it’s illegal in this country. The budding capitalist must have tunnelled his way around it, I guess. None of my business.
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A pleasant surprise is meeting Nasir Gazdar. A Ph.D. in environment, Dr Gazdar often contributed articles to Dawn Magazine many moons past. “I am here to attend a conference on environment,” says the man now running Environment Management Society back in Karachi. Looking at the aging warrior, my mind races back to the presidential candidate, Ralph Nader, of the Green Party, the indefatigable son of Lebanese immigrants, chastening environment for half-a-century. Syed Ali, an agile Arab, runs the Muslim Association of Hawaii like a military academy. Before we come to the mosque, my media colleagues, the ‘non-Muslim’ types, are strictly instructed to dress “modestly” if they are “girls and women”; if “boys and men”, then they must be “tastefully dressed (pants should cover past the knees).” And beware: “intoxicated persons” will not only be not allowed entry but promptly “evicted immediately” if discovered!
And just watch it: “no eating, drinking, running and shouting.”
Ali’s day job is that of manager of a hotel (Nasir Gazdar tells me he gives good discounts to Muslims) and comes across as a charming glib guy, but at the mosque, religious orthodoxy makes him into Ali the enforcer. He clearly puts me in my place by saying that the Imam expects me to sit with the women and not men over lunch. Hello...you mean remove myself from where I have comfortably settled in and even allowed the scarf to slip from my head and go to the far corner of the verandah where women sit huddled? Oh no! Not me — I refuse to join the hen-party, pretending to be deaf rather than defiant to Ali, my host. I slide into my plastic chair, which commands a vantage view of the Imam sitting directly across, sipping his soft drink from a can.
Why does the Imam from sunny California shun women?
* * * * *
His name is Dr Yahia Khairy Abdul-Rahman. He arrived from Egypt 25 years ago, earning a doctorate in Chemical Engineering from the University of Wisconsin and an M.A. in International Management and Finance from the University of Texas in Dallas.
Soft-spoken with bluish-grey eyes that cringe into a smile as he happily answers my questions, my initial irritation gives way to wonderment. He’s not our typical mullah who wants women locked up but a high achiever in academics and finance — refined and smart enough to educate his daughters at an Ivy League and invest in equal opportunity for his wife’s corporate career.
So there you have it...it’s not the Imam who wanted women out of sight, but those male emasculators pulling rank with women, stonewalling them to a secondary place. We have them everywhere — these creepy crawly creatures hogging our domain. Unless women go into an overdrive, they’ll continue to elbow them into a corner, punished for mother Eve tempting Adam to eat the forbidden fruit.
Dr Abdul-Rahman’s address, like him, generates an eclectic energy. Speaking in English, he gently reaffirms the eternal concepts of the Islamic faith: devotion to the one God by way of peaceable living and service to mankind and nature. He speaks of patience and understanding among Muslims after 9/11 and talks of practical ways of living life in America. He touches upon the role of Islamic faith in the modern, American experience; to issues of marriage and family and the essential ingredients of personal, spiritual growth.
There is nothing abstract or dogmatic, nor is his sermon per se a lecture, a hackneyed homily, a graphic warning of burning in hell forever for our sins. Instead, it is simply a conversation full of wisdom, truly reflecting the vast and holistic nature of Islam. “Our duty as believers is to never be ashamed of our belief in God/Allah and the messages He has bestowed upon the lineage of Prophets; but rather to share our experience of God’s greatness with our friends, co-workers and neighbours, so that they too may be inspired.”
It’s a mistake, he says, to view issues solely in terms of competing ideologies or conflicting political paradigms as most of us are wont to do. Similarly to “achieve personal and collective empowerment” a “genuine self-criticism and a willingness to grow” mentality is a must.
Now tell me: how often do we hear our mullahs transcend the banal and the mundane exhortations that they parrot to straight shoot life’s palpable problems?
Being truthful in all our conduct, “Become your word,” says the learned doctor. How beautiful yet so out of reach for ordinary mortals.
“Heed Allah in your speech because the words we articulate have a profound impact; don’t speak irresponsibly or shallowly.”
Fulfil promises — in our attempt to be generous and accommodating, we often make commitments we can’t uphold, thus undermining another’s trust and straining relations.
Be sincere — Give our maximum effort, no matter the size of the task by being meticulous and detail-oriented.
Be patient — it’s the basis of tranquil being; to conquer frustrations with belief in the possibilities of the future.
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Encapsulate the many facets of living Islam in America under one umbrella? Then come to the Muslims in American Public Square (MAPS) and meet with its director, the Pakistan-born researcher Zahid Bukhari of Georgetown University in Washington DC. The research conducted here is highly regarded by the private, public and government sectors in the US.
“The public square is not only the physical space that holds us together outside our private homes, but also the metaphorical symbol that represents the actuality and potentiality of civil society.”
But Zahid Bukhari? He’s a bit dense for me. He’s too big an academic, too serious a scholar to be understood right away. If you can work on your attention span to try and absorb the valuable data collected by this body, you’re well away. Bukhari’s monologue details the “incredible diversity” among American Muslims. Currently, 36 per cent of Muslims in America are born in the US, out of which 20pc are converts to Islam — 60pc of them being African-Americans.
As for the role of Islamic centres? “They are no longer places of worship only but are centres for Muslim life, places of political and economic activism, and focal points for Muslim communities.”
True, but I wonder if Bukhari has recorded their inherent defect of racial fragmentation: the arrogant Arabs doing their own thing, the South Asian Muslims (read Indian and Pakistanis) squabbling amongst themselves and the South East Asians preferring to distance themselves from the mainstream Muslims?
Dr Yahia Khairy Abdul-Rahman is not our typical mullah, but a high achiever in academics and finance — smart enough to educate his daughters at an Ivy League institution and invest for his wife’s corporate career 
