Confused participants held parleys, but couldn’t comprehend the crooked word, LFO. They indulged in incessant talking and it was hard to make out who was saying what
THE vagabonds, street urchins, ignorant and foolhardy of Karachi gathered in a moot at Gutter Baghicha to discuss the enigmatic LFO. Later on, the moot was joined by two deranged thinkers — one each from Ramswami and Bhimpura, the old localities of Karachi. One of them was Professor Fida Hussain Diwana, popularly known by his nickname, Fadu Diwana, among the vanishing generation of old Karachiites.
Long ago, Professor Fadu Diwana was restrained from teaching his well-researched theory that he called ‘Phenomenon of Continuity’. The theory discussed interdependence of technology and social change on man’s innovative imagination and his spiritual needs. Professor Fadu Diwana abandoned service and taught privately. The Agencies branded him a communist, and an atheist. He was incarcerated and tortured for several years, till he was incapacitated.
The other person who joined the moot at Gutter Baghicha was Abdul Shakoor Googly. He was Assistant Engineer in PWD, Public Works Department. He had played cricket along with Hanif Mohammed. It was Abdul Shakoor Googly’s firm belief that we all are cricket players. We play our successful and unsuccessful innings, then get out and go back to the pavilion. Some of us score plenty of runs in memorable innings and are remembered. Some of us do not play well and are forgotten. We very often are surprised and clean-bowled by a yorker or are beguiled by a googly. Incidentally, Abdul Shakoor was a very good googly bowler. Thus, googly was permanently suffixed to his name, and he came to be known by the name of Abdul Shakoor Googly.
The venue of the moot, Gutter Baghicha, was once very popular among health conscious Karachiites. They were instinctively accustomed to buying fresh vegetables from there. It was believed the best vegetables were grown at Gutter Baghicha. It was irrigated with excretion-mixed sewerage water from the gutters. Once situated at the outskirts of Karachi near Mewa Shah Qabristan, a graveyard, Gutter Baghicha now is surrounded by a sea of huts, hovels and dilapidated dwellings. I have no idea what prompted the not-so-wise persons of Karachi to hold their moot on LFO at Gutter Baghicha. However, it was a marathon moot spread over nearly 10 hours. I have chosen a few excerpts from the recording of the proceedings to share with you.
The moot was presided over by 99-year old Joseph Kantry who has seen the rise and fall of Karachi.
“The wise and all knowing persons in the country have cut a sorry figure in grappling with LFO.” Joseph Kantry addressed the moot, and said, “First of all, let us find out what is LFO?”
A hunchback said, “Kantry, I have consulted all the dictionaries available in the moth-eaten libraries of Karachi. There is no such word as LFO in any of the dictionaries, including the dictionary of the dodos.”
Professor Fadu Diwana said, “I think, an alphabet is missing from the crooked word LFO.”
“Fadu is right.” Abdul Shakoor Googly said, “We will have to work out with permutations and combinations of different letters in the alphabet to find out what exactly LFO denotes.”
Joseph Kantry looked at the mammoth gathering and said, “I allow you five minutes to discover the missing letter from LFO.”
Pin-drop silence prevailed in the moot for the next five minutes. Thereafter, Professor Fadu Diwana rose to his feet and said, “In my opinion, during the last one thousand millenniums, LFO has not only lost a letter, rest of the three letters in the word have elbowed each other. The missing letter from the enigmatic LFO is O. The rearranged word is FOOL.”
“I don’t think Fadu is right.” Abdul Shakoor Googly said, “The missing letter from the distorted word LFO is U. In my opinion LFO, in fact, is FOUL.”
“I am hungry. I have not eaten anything for the last four days.” A skinny boy leaped to his feet and shouted, “The missing letter from LFO is A. Thus, it is LOAF.”
A diminutive plump boy climbed over a chair, and said, “Sir, LFO is abbreviation of Lot of Food for Obesity.”
Joseph Kantry reduced the opinions in longhand. During the next few hours, confused participants held parlays, but couldn’t comprehend the crooked word, LFO. The moot plunged into disarray. Every participant indulged in incessant talking. It was hard to make out who was talking what!
“I sell peanuts to the MNAs during the Assembly sessions in Islamabad.” A federal peanut vendor said, “I remember to have heard them talking about LFO.”
The federal vendor suddenly caught the attention of the moot. Joseph Kantry said, “Brother, tell us, what is LFO?”
The peanut vendor from Islamabad said, “LFO is abbreviation of some kind of laws.”
“What kind of laws?” Joseph Kantry asked.
“The laws tell you a ruler can’t go wrong. His word is law.” The federal vendor said, “LFO says, come what may, you have to obey the ruler.”
“Even if he arrives from the back door?” Joseph Kantry asked.
“Precisely, even if he arrives from the back door.” The peanut vendor replied, “You have to submit to the supremacy of the ruler.”
The not-so-wise participants of the moot were left stunned.
