I saw a big line in front of my dentist’s office. I was surprised because I had never seen two patients in his office at the same time.
Dr Sage is a happy-go-lucky man in his forties. I’m one of his oldest patients and am treated as a preferred customer. The news clipping I brought for him to see was about a medical research that said: “What Your Mouth Says about You.” It explained that more than 120 disease signs and symptoms can now be detected through a routine oral exam, such as the telltale signs of diabetes, osteoporosis and even an impending heart attack.
My dentist’s office was so small that from where I was waiting, I could hear the conversation between my dentist and a female patient. Obviously, this patient had read the news too.
“Do you think my heart is fine, Dr Sage?”
“Why do you ask me?”
The patient was surprised, she asked again, “Don’t you know my heart’s condition from looking into my mouth?”
“Not really,” the dentist said.
“What kind of a dentist are you?” This time the patient was a little angry. “I’ve read in the paper that dentists can accurately tell whether you’re going to have a heart attack or a stroke, or you have cancer, diabetes or your liver is damaged.”
Now, the doctor was pleasantly surprised and said, “So, Mrs Sharpwit, do you think that all the X-rays, CAT scans, stress tests and MRIs are going to be obsolete.”
“Exactly, I had an appointment with my cardiologist today, but I thought why not go to a dentist instead and be sure about everything.”
“I’m sorry, I’m a dentist — you can say I’m a mouth reader at best, but I’m not a fortuneteller,” Dr Sage said smilingly.
“I’m not asking about my fortune,” the patient got real angry. I’m only asking about my heart.”
“I apologize. I wasn’t trained to do the work of all these latest machines.”
“Then, why did you give me an appointment?”
“As far as I remember, my secretary told me that you wanted a general assessment.”
“Yes, that’s what the article says that your mouth is the chart of your health. It tells you the condition of all your vital organs, even your bones.” “I’m sorry, I can’t help you. I haven’t read that article yet. I apologize again. I wish I could help you. Next time your teeth cleaning will be on the house.”
“I don’t think there’s going to be a next time.” I saw Mrs Sharpwit grabbing her bag and storming to the door very aggravated.
“You can go in now,” the dentist’s secretary told me.
“How are you Raz?” Dr Sage said, “Just hop into the chair and open your mouth.”
I got into the chair and opened my mouth.
“Your teeth are good.” Then he fingered my papers and said, “You were here four months ago. What do you need done today?”
“I’ve come for the same reason your other patient came. I came for a second opinion. My doctor suspects that I’ve appendicitis, but he can never be sure until he opens me up. The article says that the dentist can tell about everything.” I was closely watching Dr Sage’s face. He was confused and I was amused.
“What article?”
“This one, see, I brought the clipping for you.”
“Are you kidding?” He laughed, “I always thought you to be a sensible person.”
“What do you think now?”
“You seem to be just like everybody else,” he said.
I handed him the news with all the great names that had done the research. The details of the ailments and the symptoms that went along with them were given in a separate box.
“With this information even I can read anybody’s mouth,” I said. As he read the piece of paper carefully the expression on his face kept changing. Then he said, “Thank you very much for bringing this to me, Mrs Ahmad.”
I was a little surprised. He always used to call me Raz.
“There are a lot of people outside who are here for a second opinion.” I said.
“Are there?” He mused for a few seconds and then went to his secretary, “Sue, go outside and find out how many people are here for dentistry and how many are here for some other reason.” Sue went out. I could hear her asking something but couldn’t listen to her clearly. She came back promptly.
“Nobody is here for dental treatment,” she declared.
“Okay. Send them in one by one.” Then he turned to me and said,” Open your mouth again, please.”
I opened my mouth. He examined it with his usual instrument with a magnifying mirror.” Hun, un..ha...hun. I don’t see anything wrong with you. Your teeth are perfect, your gums intact, everything’s just fine.”
“What about my appendicitis.”
“No sign of appendicitis.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“No guessing?”
“No guessing. Actually I’m sure now that your mouth is a mirror of your body.” He said it with poise and self-assurance. “But you said something else to the other lady,” I said.
“Never mind, I remember now that I predicted two pregnancies last year. The girls denied it at the time, but they came back later surprised and asked. ‘I’m pregnant, how did you know?’”
“What did you tell them?”
“At that time, I told them I had guessed. They were young and happily married and wanted to get pregnant.”
“What are you going to tell the people today?”
“That the scientists are right. We can tell the sickness you currently have, and can predict any disease you are going to have in the near future.”
“What if the patient has a denture or lots of crowns?” I asked good-humouredly.
“You can go now Mrs Ahmad.” Dr Sage just ignored my question and showed me the door.
I got down from the chair and picked up my bag.
“Sue, charge her usual — but give her a ten per cent discount,” he said to her secretary stepping out from his office. “Send in the next person, please.”
“Mrs Wealthywidow, your turn.” Sue called.
I paid to the secretary and came out of the office. The line had grown so long by this time, that I could not see the end. “Is he good?” someone from the line asked me.
“He is the best,” I said as I advanced chuckling towards the packed car park.
