While there is nothing wrong with women driving cars, understanding the psychology of female drivers can be an arduous task
ONCE upon a time there was a truck driver who came across a lamp lying by the side of the road. He stopped, picked it up, examined it and then rubbed it. In a matter of seconds, smoke started to come out of it and suddenly a jinn was standing in front of the truck driver. The jinn put forward a simple deal to his new master — one wish fulfilled in return for its freedom. The truck driver thought for a couple of minutes and then wished, “I need a direct bridge from Peshawar to Lahore.”
The Jinn laughed and said, “It’s a very easy task and I can do it in seconds. Wish for something really big as you have only one chance.”
The truck driver thought for another few minutes and came up with a wish. He said, “Tell me the psychology of women drivers.”
After a few seconds of deep thought, the jinn broke the silence and asked, “Would you like a two or three-lane bridge?”
Understanding the psychology of a female driver can be an arduous task even for a jinn. Once, I was enlightened with the company of a traffic policeman. He was of the view that 90 per cent of female drivers don’t know how to drive a car, and the 10pc who say they do, lie. He had had a chance to be a test taker at the driving license office. According to his revelation, he had a ‘wonderful’ experience with female drivers striving for the license. On my query, he came forward with few nutty answers he got from female drivers. He said that while taking the test, he asked one of the female drivers, “Madam, what if you are going at a speed of 90kph and suddenly a man comes in front of your car?”
She thought for a few seconds and said, “I’ll call my car insurance company.”
The worried policeman again rephrased the question and asked, “Madam, what will you do if your car brakes are working just fine and you are at a road where no car is coming from either side and a man comes in front of your car?”
After some eye-twitching and head scratching, she asked, “Who is the man?”
Whenever I see a woman driver passing me by or near me, I try my best to leave the entire road at her disposal. Recently, I had to visit a female cousin who was hit by a truck. While there, I heard her say, “Mariyam will be so jealous when she comes to know that my accident cost my insurance company Rs35,000!” This is why I say that you never know what is going inside a woman’s mind.
There is nothing wrong with women driving cars. The thing that scares me is when I see them changing lanes without indicators, sudden applying the brakes, searching the dashboard while driving in the fast lane and so on and so forth. I might be wrong, but in most cases, women drivers never look in the rear-view mirror for the sole purpose of driving safely. Most of the time it serves as a lipstick checker or to check their overall appearance. I have also seen women leaving their car unlocked and windows wide open, then coming back and quarrelling with the parking incharge that the security isn’t foolproof as some burglar had tried to hit the car.
I am not blowing my trumpet, but I happen to belong to the genre of drivers who have been on the road more than anywhere else. My curiosity led me to interview my fraternal aunt who is on record for the most bangs and bashes on the road. Her all-time greatest hit injured three road-side beggars, a nearby parked Merc and a poor biker with his whole family going for a picnic. She told me that she is a very vigilant driver and she seldom puts her car in the 5th gear. To her, the best invention are seat belts. She told me that she has read the whole car manual and can even repair small faults (adjusting the side mirror, reading the speedometer, etc).
I put her to the test by asking, “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
Her husband came up with the reply, “If my wife had been driving, the chicken would have never even thought of attempting it. And if it had done so, then you would have seen its head mounted on the wall of our drawing room by now.”
My love for human life is evident from my extensive observations of female drivers. I am really concerned about human life and seek an answer for female driving skills that kill. One day, an acquaintance came and asked me that if a pedestrian sees a female driver approaching, what should he do. I told him to go to the centre of the lane, as it is the only place where a female-driven car is never seen. Avoid standing near signposts, greenbelts and exit gates, I also added.
Lastly, the question may arise as to how to detect a car that is being driven by a woman. Just look out for a duppatta or a purse strap hanging out from door on the driver’s side.
No man has yet been able to answer the great question put forth by Sigmund Freud: ‘What does a woman want?’ There are many researchers like me moving between white-dotted lanes in their hydrocarbon-powered machines in quest of the elusive answer.
While there is nothing wrong with women driving cars, understanding the psychology of female drivers can be an arduous task 
