FOR every couple feeding each other breadsticks, there’s almost certainly one bickering across a barricade of menus. But what benefit can there be in dragging conflicts into the public arena?

“It depends on what the argument’s about,” says Dr Elizabeth Mapstone, a psychologist specialising in relationship conflict and the author of War Of Words: Women And Men Arguing. “If it’s about the relationship itself, then I don’t think a restaurant is a good place to discuss it; it can become far too emotional. But if it’s about a practical problem, where you might be able to look at the situation objectively, a restaurant can give you space away from your familiar environment to do that.”

Hence the classic agony column advice, which assumes that a neutral space will prevent things spiralling out of control. Or not, as the case may be, because when some of us lose it, we don’t care where we are — the rage must be unleashed.

For the staff, though, rows can liven up a dull evening. It happens all the time, says a director of an events’ company who has managed several high-profile restaurants in Manchester, England. Often a couple come in, and one would be seething with rage. Inevitably, they snap at the staff, then the other partner would be outraged with them — it was always entertaining to watch the power balance shift as the meal progressed.



READY FOR CHILDREN?

To determine whether you are prepared to have children, we suggest you take this simple tests:

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream.

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful!