PARENTAL attitude and teenage response to it is causing havoc between relationships day by day. These bonds are starting to lose their strength now.
Parents are customarily trying to execute their traits on to their offspring. Despite the fact that children have learnt what their rights should be. “We are no more unaware, the problem is that they think we cannot do things by ourselves. They still think we need them to hold our hands and show us the way,” says 14-year-old Sobia Paracha.
Teenagers are becoming more aware of the situations and keen enough to solve their problems. At least that’s what they’re confident about. Although parents still want to get into their children’s affairs, optimists and experts appreciate the child’s attempt. “It is very true that children know more than we do in various aspects,” realizes a father. “It’s a very good sign that children want to work out things more independently. I think we should always give them the chance. When a child does a job, it enhances his ability to think. He might make a few mistakes or even many, but every time he is sure to learn. Your child may look careless to you, but he always knows that he has done something wrong and he avoids making mistake in the future. Telling your child that he is irresponsible, nagging him and declaring his clumsiness may ruin his character. And that’s what most parents do not realize,” explains Dr Akhtar Mehmood, a child psychiatrist. “Your disapproval may leave your child frustrated. Children need appreciation. Try to understand your child.”
Children always want you to say “thank you” to them for what they’ve done. For them, it’s not what they ‘should’ve done’, it’s what they ‘did’. And they did it for you, either to help you out or to lessen your burden. They think they’re being thoughtful. Whilst you think they did it faultily. You’re right at your place, your child is right in his. But this contingency is fetching misunderstandings between parents and children. In such a repelling state, anyone and everyone can predict annoyed parents and frustrated children.
As soon as your child turns 13 or reaches a (higher) secondary grade, he/she feels more grown up. This feeling is either self-emerged or brought up by the teachers. While teachers or parents try to construct a sense of responsibility in their children, they forget to do it properly. Telling the child that he is a grown up now and should be more careful about things, or giving your child a job to do on his own, in order to let him practice things out, is not a bad idea at all. But it’s not a good one, either. In the child’s standpoint, a grown up does not merely mean a grown up. According to him, a grown up means adult. And an adult is obvious to do any job flawlessly. That is how a child finds it unfair to be nagged after accomplishing his immaculate errand.
“Doing on his own,” to him means freedom and self-determination. This brings a sense of individualism. He thinks if he is given a job to do by himself, then he will definitely do it watertight. Bounding him to certain conditions may spoil his strategy, and pointing out his flaws may violate his confidence. “Parents should let their children do what they want, and encounter things on their own,” says an experienced parent of a 19-year-old. “We think we should stop them from doing certain things as these weren’t a good occurrence for us. I believe they should be allowed and given a chance. After all, we are always there to help them even if they are in trouble.”
Give your child the chance to ‘understand’ things on his own. “If you think he will learn things by your experiences, then you are certainly not correct,” Argues Dr Akhtar. Your child may be kind enough to understand what you want to tell. But if he still continues, you should never exasperate. This only shows how eager your child is to learn, experience things, be practical, or in other cases, how confident for not making mistakes. Why not give your child the freedom?
