SHE felt as if she was standing in a blind ally, with nothing to look forward to and with no road leading backward to where she had started her journey. Why couldn’t she find contentment in her heart even if everything was done according to what she had thought was right, why couldn’t she live happily ever after when a pagan was killed at her feet in her name?
It was not deception. What was considered the right thing had been done, in the name of social norms and in the name of community. Why did it seemed to her that she will now be a victim of nature’s revenge? It seemed, she will have to face the final verdict and will never be able to forget what had happened. What had happened could not be undone. Her submissiveness and inability to decided had cost a human life — not an ordinary life but the life of the loved one, with whom she had once sung the songs of love and whom she desired to be married when the right time came.
On the surface, nothing has been lost, she was the same — her family, her ambitions, her career, her siblings, her parents, her social standing — but she had withered spiritually, where it really matters. This all had been done in the name of religion and honour. A valuable human life was taken because she was not meant for him, because she had enough audacity to love and then leave, and because, above everything, she could not resist the social pressure and gave him up. The irony of it was that she was living, despite the fact that she shared the responsibility of the unholy love between a Hindu and a Muslim. Maybe, she was alive to live with the guilt forever.
Azra and Manoj were class fellows in college. Soon after meeting, they both forgot the incongruity between their religions and social systems, and were foolish enough to fall in love. This was not love at first sight, but deep profound love, which is the amalgam of respect, trust and understanding.
All the differences between their backgrounds could be ignored, but the fact that their faiths were not the same was a hurdle they could not overcome. Love becomes meaningless before honour and religion. Azra had made the mistake of her life, a mistake that she would repent forever and would have to pay a heavy price for it — she fell in love with a Hindu.
Belonging to a feudal background — where men roar and women shiver, men order and women obey, men are free and women bounded — Azra was immediately impressed by the humble manners, politeness and intellect of Manoj. But she failed to realize that their relationship could not develop into a lasting bond. In her social setup, the decision of marriage is taken by everyone except by the girl herself. Love marriages are always looked down upon and such unions are strongly opposed, and marriage to a person of a different religion is an unpardonable sin.
To Manoj, his ideas and dreams were more precious than his life, so he refused to convert to another religion for the sake of love. He felt that if his heart was not completely willing to change, he could not change his religion. To him, his religion was more important.
It is probably in this matter of conversion that the difference in their love showed. He refused to submit before what she thought was inevitable for the development of their relationship. She was furious at him for this. It was the beginning of their differences.
Somehow, Azra’s parents came to know of this love affair, which was already facing difficulties. This was a great blow to their honour. They decided to take care of things in their own manner. They assured Azra that Manoj will only be pressurized to change his religion and marry their daughter, but this was not to be. One day, she telephoned him and said that she was sorry for her behaviour and that she understood his point of view. She also told him that they should marry in the court, and for that she asked him to come to a specific place. At that place, her father’s men were hidden and they attacked Manoj when he came. He received serious injuries and later died.
Azra stood in the glimmering world with absolute darkness around her. It seemed as if she was falling, falling incessantly into the abyss of nothingness. The emptiness, which surrounded her, was growing and growing with a speed that she couldn’t control. She could only pine for what can never be, long for the unattainable.
