YOU don’t know how to handle strangers and make polite, small talk. You avoid places where you’ll be confronted with unknown people. The good news is that you are not alone. Most people are shy, even if they don’t show it. What do you say to someone you are clueless about, and come out looking intelligent in the process? No need to loose sleep if you are not one of those rare breeds who make people start eating out of their hands within the first five minutes of meeting them. Nobody expects that, anyway, so why make unreasonable demands from yourself? Simply by adopting a positive attitude towards people, and putting them into proper perspective, you can easily get along with them and make them like you. Making them eat out of you hand is a messy affair, anyway!
Always keep this in mind: you look your best when smiling. So, the next time you are introduced to someone new, smile at your about-to-be-made friend. Let your smile say, ‘I like you and want to know more about you’. There is only one catch here. Smiles should be sincere and not put-ons. Nor should you go on smiling with a look on your face that says ‘I am terrified of you!’. People usually tend to avoid saccharine sweet hypocrites, or hopelessly nervous wrecks. Such people make others uncomfortable. Smile and convey with your eyes a friendly message. It never fails.
The conversation part is still left. Take heart. First of all, half the battle is already won. He/she already likes you a bit, or at least wants to start liking you now because your pearly whites have disarmed him/her. Just put the person facing you into a proper perspective. He/she is also human. He/she likes to eat, sleep, has similar needs, and wants to make a good impression on you, just like you do. So why should making a good impression be so difficult? It’ll be only as difficult as you make it out to be. It’s all in the mind — your mind. And you have hundred per cent control over it. Go out there and exercise this control. Treat the stranger to a warm smile and ask him how he is doing? How does he know your common friend? Or, since how long has she been frequenting this park? Or, that you really like the way he has made all the arrangements for the party. The list of openers is endless, you just need to find one appropriate for the situation.
If after you have asked a couple of questions and the acquaintance is replying only in monosyllables, then take a hint. Politely excuse yourself and walk away with an air of dignity. You have not failed. Maybe he/she was not in a good mood, or was not feeling well, or was too nervous to talk to someone as confident as you appeared, or at worst, was too stuck up! So why waste your precious energy?
The next step is carrying on the conversation that you started off so well. Make the other person feel important and show that you care — sincerely. Make him talk about himself and his interests. Yes. That’s the secret. The best conversationalists are the best listeners. Don’t just nod your head and utter an occasional grunt to let him/her know you are barely hanging on! Show genuine interest in what the new acquaintance is saying and ask interesting questions. It’s nothing but a game of give and take. And while you are at it, make sure you get this person’s name correct and address him by his name. The most liked word of any language for people is their name. So use the name often, pronounce it correctly, and give a personal touch to the conversation.
If you are not too interested in what the person is saying, subtly steer the conversation towards a topic you like. Simple, isn’t it? Put crudely, it all amounts to picking out bits and pieces of the conversation, which is of mutual interest to both of you, and harping on it! Never be too concerned about what strangers think about your IQ. You are smart, and you know it. You are not in competition with Einstein or Newton. You are here to talk politely, make friends, and have a good time — not land a mission on the moon! Don’t be too self-conscious. Instead, observe others. If you don’t think about yourself too much, you won’t worry about yourself too much either. Pay attention to other people and try to incorporate their positive traits into your personality.
Another useful exercise is to find out something about the people you are about to meet. If you have a few conversational topics ready to roll, you’ll feel more confident about yourself. A bit of homework goes a long way. And you’ll be appreciated for making an effort to get to know people even before meeting them, and that too without any ulterior motives. So, the next time you have to attend a social do where you’ll be meeting strangers, don’t try to squirm out of it. Instead, use these simple techniques and ideas to become a conversationalist people will beg to spend five minutes with.
YOU don’t know how to handle strangers and make polite, small talk. You avoid places where you’ll be confronted with unknown people. The good news is that you are not alone. Most people are shy, even if they don’t show it. What do you say to someone you are clueless about, and come out looking intelligent in the process? No need to loose sleep if you are not one of those rare breeds who make people start eating out of their hands within the first five minutes of meeting them. Nobody expects that, anyway, so why make unreasonable demands from yourself? Simply by adopting a positive attitude towards people, and putting them into proper perspective, you can easily get along with them and make them like you. Making them eat out of you hand is a messy affair, anyway!
