I am proud to announce that I have solved all of our nation’s problems. We do not need to end corruption, inflation, the energy deficit, injustice, unemployment or even street protests; we need to change ourselves and establish a life code of 'Unrelenting Optimism.’
According to this code, we should always rejoice, even if it requires making up facts. Our problem is that we just love to complain. No matter how good life is, we just complain. I think it has turned into an Olympic sport for us, Pakistanis. We need to open our eyes and realise that everything is actually great. Life is beautiful.
You know how every so often people come out on the street to ‘protest’ something? Now, that my dear readers, is a popular misconception. These people are not actually rioting on the streets and they aren’t wreaking havoc – they are, in fact, throwing a huge street party where everyone in the neighbourhood is invited. More like Eid than Tiananmen Square. Those cars and vehicles are being burned so that everyone can have a bonfire where they can roast marshmallows and tikkas! You have to admit, there is nothing more festive than bonfires across the city. How often is that you get to see the entire neighborhood out and about?
What about inflation, you ask? Inflation is actually just the farmers’ way of trying to make the entire population health-conscious. After all, sugar, meat and dairy products are not very good when consumed in large quantities. The higher the prices, the less food a person consumes, the thinner they get and hence, a healthier (and of course, better looking) population! In actuality, this is a dieting-drive across the country!
Some like to whine about unemployment and how too many people are currently jobless. Now that is certainly misleading. Unemployment is not the problem. You have to see the positive side to this: it just means that these jobless people now have more time to spend with their families and 'find themselves.’
The energy deficit doesn't mean that we should live in the dark. Power outages actually promote and strengthen the candle-manufacturing and generator industry. With no electricity, we do not spend precious hours of our lives by watching TV or browsing the internet; we learn to appreciate the simpler things in life. Like a starry night or a candle-lit dinner.
Now many may mistake the relationship our nation has with our international friends, aka the goras whom we affectionately call Obama, which is funny because he's not gora, but we are too polite to say anything. Contrary to popular misconception, we're actually the best of friends. If that was not the case, they wouldn’t lend us money every so often, even though we never actually pay them back. Heck, they even protect our borders for us! Such silly news anchors we have, what more can one ask for in a friend?
Many people (conspiracy-driven foreigners, I'll bet), believe that Pakistan lacks a proper justice system. I say that they are wrong. You see, we do not have a functional justice system that actually settles cases because the powers that be have immense faith in the people of Pakistan to resolve our own problems. So what if sometimes it allegedly gets out of hands?
What of government over spending? You see, every once in a while, the leading economic powers across the world date a girl named Prudence, but since it is not a Muslim name, we decided that it is in the best interest of the nation to shy away from her and over spend. Just so that she doesn't get the idea that we are open to temptation. Besides, why should a perfect Islamic state, follow the fiscal example of the rest of the world? Sheer lunacy. Besides, the more we spend now, the harder our children will have to work in paying off our debt, and we as a society want nothing more for our future generations than to develop a strong work ethic!
While others may share a different, less-enjoyable reality, the world is actually a much better place when looked at from a different angle. Those who choose to look at it differently, find joy even when the circumstances don't justify them. Anyone can be happy when things are going according to plan, but to be happy when nothing works in your favour – now that requires talent. And of course, unrelenting optimism.
blogger. He believes in free markets and freedom, and wishes men could get more of the latter.
The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.