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Principle standpoints in Al-Absurdistan

Principle standpoints in Al Bakistan II

Principle standpoints in Al Bakistan III

Tahirul Qadri says that the present elected government is electoral dictatorship ... but selected interim government set up by stakeholders is true democracy.

Dual nationals have the right to form political parties, demonstrate, hold rallies, and marches to the capital and demand electoral reforms for the next elections … but they can’t be members of parliament.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.
-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

We appreciate Anna Hazare of India … but call our very own Anna Hazare as Canadian dollar Hazare.

We learn from Indian activist judiciary and judgments of British and American judges ... but India, Israel and America are our greatest enemies.

The Capitalist-in-Chief of the country with over 30 industries becomes the chief minister of a province … but he calls himself the Servant-in-Chief of the province.

We have political and religious leaders who demanded Fatiha prayers for Abu Musab Zaqawi in the National assembly and offered ghaiban-e-namaz in Pakistan ... but they also condemn the killing of Shias in Quetta.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.
-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

Televangelist, lawyers and journalists deliver messianic messages against corruption and looting through newspapers, TV shows and social media … but our banks have blacklisted lawyers, journalists and policemen for any house or car loans.

Quetta mourners demanded that Quetta be handed over to the Army… but the jihadis are the strategic assets of Pakistan.

Hundreds of Hazara Shias are being killed in Quetta and before that Shias were killed in Bamayan … but the Taliban brought the ideal government and peace in Afghanistan.

Israel was a creation of Britain to sow the seed of dissent and fitna in the Middle East for Arab Muslims ... but the rest of the countries created by Britian in the form of Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Syria, Iraq and Pakistan are fortresses of Islam.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.
-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

Eighty per cent of Pakistanis hate America ... but the longest queues for visas are in front of the American embassy in Islamabad.

Ziaul Haq was a brigadier in Jordan who was responsible for killing of 10,000 Palestinians in Jordan (black September) and Tiger Niazi was responsible for killing Bengalis in East Pakistan … but no Muslim can kill another Muslim.

Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto initiated the nuclear bomb project under Dr Abdus Salam and Munir Ahmad Khan and later brought Dr Abdul Qadeer Khan to Pakistan … but Dr Abdul Qadeer Khan is the father of the Pakistani bomb.

Aitzaz Ahsan gave the lists of Sikh separatists to India during Rajiv Gandhi’s visit to Pakistan during the Benazir government ... but we weren’t interfering in East Punjab during the Zia period.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.
-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

Taliban is the plural of talib that means seeker of education … but they are against the education of girls.

Indian soldiers are cowards. One Muslim soldier is equal to 10 Hindu soldiers (Hamid Gul) … but we never won any war against India.

Saudi Arabia is the only country in the world that is named after the ruling family of Saudi Arabia, Al Saud … but Saudi Arabia is the centre of transnational religious movement that rejects tribal, national and ethnic identities.

Hundreds and thousands of young children and young boys of Pakistanis were killed in Afghanistan, Kashmir, India (Ajmal Kasab) … but our religious leaders of the Afghan jihad against Russians, Professor Ghafur and Qazi Hussain Ahmad died natural deaths in their beds.

The majority of the al Qaeda leadership in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq were from Egypt and Saudi Arabia … but the last suicide attack in Egypt was in 1997 (Luxor massacre) and in Saudi Arabia (2003) and they never attacked any government building or bases in either of the two countries.

The prices of Sugar and CNG by Lahore High Court and the Supreme Court is not interference in executive … but the public accounts committee summoning the registrar of the Supreme Court for accounts is an interference in the independence of judiciary.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.
-Illustration by Sabir Nazar.

In Pakistan, you cannot get a driving license, cannot operate a bank account, cannot get a passport, cannot get a National Identity Card if you are below 18 years of age … but you can contract a marriage.

Drone attacks are counterproductive and are responsible for more terrorists … but jet bombing by the PAF in Waziristan and Malakand is productive.

The majority of the Afghan Taliban, including Mullah Omar were living in Pakistan. They were trained and educated in Pakistani madrassahs … but talibanisation is the product of Afghanistan.

Iran is our brotherly Islamic country and the Pakistan-Iran pipeline is the future of Pakistan ... but Shias are not Muslims and are being killed in Quetta, Kurram Agency and Karachi.

The American support for authoritative regimes is responsible for hatred against Americans in M

uslim societies … but Saudi Arabia is the guardian of all the holy cities of Islam and a time-tested friend of Pakistan.

The author left architecture for painting but ended up as a cartoonist and now writes Hijjo. He is the jack of all trades.


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

Comments are closed.

Comments (99)

raj kumar chhabra
January 16, 2013 2:16 pm
Very interesting and hard hitting.......keep it up.....educate what is right to your countrymen. Good luck
I.A. Siddiqui
January 17, 2013 7:13 am
100% correct
C Sakthivel
January 17, 2013 7:10 am
An excellant humor filled with centpercent truths.
January 16, 2013 2:09 pm
nice to read almost refresh
January 16, 2013 2:25 pm
January 16, 2013 3:38 pm
Awesome Mr. Sabir!!! This is mirror to our hypocrytical society. You seem to have overtaken NFP in sarcasim. Keep up the great work. Now I will wait for your column :)
Haroon Rashid
January 18, 2013 5:12 am
I think from a single person stand point all of the above points are correct but in my opinion when you start thinking from a mass point of view some of these points shows lack of knowledge and understanging. Hope to find some patriotic and capable leader for Pakistan..... and more importantly people start knowing what voting does do for them
January 16, 2013 6:38 pm
I have to give it you guys that you no doubt have far better journalists than India. Difficult to find such humour in India whereas you have gems like Sabir Nazar, NFP, Cowsajee, Hassan Nisar, Najam Sethi and the list is pretty long. In my opinion we in India got a lot of anchors at the cost of journalists. Inspite of being an Indian I have to visit Dawn to read pieces like this and also to get a perspective of the events between the two nations which generally is neutral. May their tribe increase ... Awesome piece Sabir.
January 16, 2013 3:21 pm
Islamic Republic Of Pakistan, Zindabad. We are the bestest. We are the purest. And we have Atom Bomb.
January 17, 2013 6:03 am
It is great to laugh at oneself. Only then one realizes where one needs to correct. Sabir, your sketches are excellent and bring smile on my face.
January 17, 2013 11:29 am
Well he is the true patriot for he is cuddling his land of pure by exposing the impure.He unravels the hypocrisy, preach-practice divide and the follies nay blunders of the gullible generation whose sins are being atoned by the future generations.
January 17, 2013 6:18 am
Without a doubt. The mainstream english media in India cannot match up to Dawn.
January 17, 2013 5:56 am
Gulbaz Mushtaq
January 16, 2013 6:34 pm
Hahahaha ... I am a Lawyer. I thought only WE are blacklisted. "Televangelist, lawyers and journalists deliver messianic messages against corruption and looting through newspapers, TV shows and social media … but our banks have blacklisted lawyers, journalists and policemen for any house or car loans".
Raoul Ciao
January 17, 2013 11:44 am
wow ! hitting the nail SQUARELY on the head is an art you have done very well at !!!
January 17, 2013 11:40 am
Please do not insult Sabir.
Cyrus Howell
January 16, 2013 3:23 pm
Dual nationals have the right to form political parties, demonstrate, hold rallies, and marches to the capital and demand electrical reforms.
January 17, 2013 5:24 am
Superb analysis & presentation!!!
January 16, 2013 3:22 pm
It is always easy to standback and ridicule and a lot of those points made are really quite dumb but whatever. Thats what this nation is good for, point at each other and laugh no one helps each other.
R. Mahmud
January 17, 2013 4:57 am
Ganesh (India)
January 16, 2013 5:42 pm
Keep moving on in same direction sir......
January 16, 2013 5:40 pm
Do not mix nationality with religion. There are muslims in Indian army as well. It is not the religion but the resoluteness and bravery as a soldier that needs to be measured. Being a msulim soldier automatically does not make anyone qualify that. Last time I checked, entry in to any army of any country their capability but not by religion. For a change in India we have muslims as part of indian army Indian army has a mix of all religions. I know pakistan army may recruit only muslim soldiers but in India we recruit by capabilities and (not by religion) Lastly, how you can measure the metrics 1 muslim soldier=10 hindu soldiers? By the way that explains your question you raised that India won by ther capability not be religious polarization. Hope you get it
January 16, 2013 5:38 pm
Please for God's sake, don't simply "Wow" this piece of writing! Sabir saab is clearly sick and tired of the hypocrisy and "blame-it-on-the-world" attitude of Pakistanis. Please read between the lines, learn to accept and correct the corrosion in the society before its too late!
January 16, 2013 5:28 pm
Sarcasm is the best form of justice :)
gnihton ereh
January 16, 2013 5:20 pm
Great Article. Respect!
January 17, 2013 9:12 am
Criticising your nation and its people does not make you less patriotic. People in the west are doing it everyday.
January 17, 2013 5:11 am
I nominate you for the next President.
Sreejith Gopakumar
January 17, 2013 4:34 am
Not sure about the other print media about Pakistan, as I have never followed them much. But I would agree to your comment about Dawn on any day!!
January 17, 2013 4:34 am
Dude atleast we acknowledge it...wats up with your misplaced sense of self-righteousness
Shahryar Shirazi
January 17, 2013 8:27 am
Nice! You are moving away from NFP style. This is good. I started off thinking this will be a sarcastic piece, but its actually not. Its based on reality. Good job. BTW, death to Zia ul Haq. Shahryar
January 17, 2013 12:05 pm
I must admit that my only exposure to Indian journalism is the occasional viewing of Zee News, so I may be totally off-side here. Zee manages news more like a soap show. That is not even journalism.
January 17, 2013 4:00 am
sir you hit the nail on the head.......specially liked the part whereby 80%pakistanis hate America while the longest que at the foreign embassies in pakistan is at the American embassy!
January 16, 2013 4:15 pm
Yes and Pakistan was carved out of India similar to Israel out of Palestine. Most of the Pakistanis with pride mention their heritage to Arabian or Persian countries who invaded India (conquered) but blame Europeans for invading America and Australia for killing the natives but forget to mention how many Indians were killed by Babar, Ghaznvi and Ghauri. Similarly Tariq Bin Ziyad attacking Spain with pride and crying for Spain as lost Muslim land but ignore that Istanbul was taken by Muslims by using brutal force. I love the way Mr. Nazar has consolidated the oxymoron views of Pakistanis. BTW: Any relationship with Nagar Nazar for whom I have great respect.
January 16, 2013 4:15 pm
Sir Sabir !!! where were you hiding ? Great & realistic article, youare quiet an inspirational author and I respect you for your boldness, your hunger for truth and your courage to say it. Bravo habibi....
January 16, 2013 4:13 pm
this is truely an indian view point, I appriciate that you are voice of all hindustanies.
January 17, 2013 2:12 am
Sad but true.
Dhanraj kotian
January 17, 2013 1:46 am
So True, Anant.
January 17, 2013 12:10 pm
I am pleasantly surprised that Pakistanis too laugh at themselves and the sarcasm is also directed to their India policy. Hypocrisy exists in all societies and politicians everywhere use double standards and they need to be exposed.
January 16, 2013 4:59 pm
Absolutely brilliant:"...Israel was a creation of Britain to sow the seed of dissent and fitna......" Sir, Pakistan will survive... because it still has people like you.
January 16, 2013 4:58 pm
I.A. Siddiqui
January 17, 2013 7:12 am
Because we have abundance of Mir Jaffar(s) & Mir Sadiq(s)
Rizwan ul hasan khan
January 17, 2013 9:44 pm
Speechless article.........I wish he must be forced to write daily.........
January 16, 2013 4:01 pm
why our brothers are so sarcastic and love to generalise... come on buddy is called satire in literatue Mr BRR...destroy Pakistan if you have the power and guts... dont burn your blood to death
January 16, 2013 4:33 pm
I admire your courage in writing this kind of satirical series in Pakistan. I'd read more.
qambar ali
January 16, 2013 4:43 pm
January 17, 2013 6:40 am
Than prove him wrong
GLY Mendon
January 17, 2013 1:30 am
You have guts to call a spade a spade. With people like you around, Pakistan has still has one more innings to go, not all is lost. Try hard you will win against these terrorists and also thier political backers. I am an Indian staying in USA. I wish one day Pakistan can become at the least like India, may be better. But now I hate what Pakistan is doing to this globe.
Abdul Waheed
January 17, 2013 11:23 am
Excellent piece to highlight hypocrises of our society especially religious people.. Our religious leader pose us as warriors like those of ancient warriors of Central Asia but forget that we are agragarian people of Indus Civilization.
January 17, 2013 12:13 pm
You guys need to open you eyes, only a bit.
January 16, 2013 1:57 pm
Sabir sahab , you are good. Salute to you.
Shahid Latif
January 16, 2013 1:58 pm
Intersting reading. Those are the facts. Some have justification. But what the hell. Read and smile and move on.
January 16, 2013 3:58 pm
exposing who, All are jokers waiting turn to tell a joke.
A Bhalla
January 17, 2013 12:51 pm
So can you explain which of his viewpoints are not correct about Pakistan. Or are you just too embarassed at being exposed ?
January 16, 2013 5:48 pm
I admire that author for bringing to the forefront Pakistan's hypocrazy . Advertise one thing, sell something different, procliam one thing and act something totally different. Double standards as always. Pakistan talk of liberating Kashmir, while they enslave Balochis.
January 17, 2013 8:46 am
Aap jaise log pakistan ko aage le jaoge.
January 17, 2013 6:53 pm
Black September was very well documented by many historians.
Wali Jamali
January 16, 2013 1:51 pm
Wow ... exposing societal jokers.
Akil Akhtar
January 16, 2013 10:34 pm
Another self hater....we need people who love this country at this moment not those who love anyone but Pakistan
January 17, 2013 10:43 am
Sir, Can you become president of education in pakistan because you people's need to be presented to teach about the same there.
January 17, 2013 5:47 pm
An absolutely wonderfull article salute to u sir. Its because of liberals like you Pakistan still has a future.
Moderator's enemy no 1
January 16, 2013 3:46 pm
God bless your ink and ilk....
January 17, 2013 9:15 am
Not even for the sake of it
January 17, 2013 8:15 am
Please read a bit of history before commenting :-)
Nitin Pandey
January 17, 2013 7:32 am
Amazing ! Very well written !!
The Hindu
January 16, 2013 9:39 pm
January 16, 2013 9:37 pm
Hilarious, at the same time heartbreaking reality.
January 16, 2013 3:46 pm
excellent read and so true (most of them)!
January 16, 2013 3:12 pm
And Pakistan blames the whole world for double standards ;-)
January 16, 2013 3:13 pm
Thats call true Pakistani
January 16, 2013 9:33 pm
How does this author know that Zia Ul Haq was responsible for killing of 10,000 palestinians in Jordan? If this was the case then Jordan would not had such good relations with Pakistan. I don't agree with this author.
January 16, 2013 9:17 pm
i disagree .. because u have no clue about all those writers in iNDIA who dont write in english or hindi ... but nevertheless SABIR is fantastic pakistani GEM :-)
January 17, 2013 8:00 am
Sir: leave these things as a "jack of all" may not understand the depth of these points :p
January 17, 2013 12:11 pm
Do you know how Kashmir became part of India. A single person decided that Kashmir should join India, against the desires of an overwhelming majority, and more, of its people. A single person deciding the fate on an entire people, now this is slavery, isn’t it. You guys fail to realize, but through your stand on Kashmir, you are actually supporting slavery. Go figure
January 16, 2013 9:19 pm
Superb satire ....sabir the likes of you n nadem paracha ... makes this newspaper DAwn worth a read !
January 16, 2013 9:19 pm
very well written
PP of Pak
January 16, 2013 9:20 pm
Raj, It is not true journalism, it is yellow journalism purchased by your govt. Go figure.
Masood Ali
January 16, 2013 9:28 pm
saudi arabia is against tribalism because the god of the muslims forbids it in the holy book the quran. it is only allowed in pakistan,because baladrilism ,,tribalism,is another form of the hindu caste system.any one who sticks to it is a hindu by sabir.
January 17, 2013 10:16 am
All religious books were written by man, and this includes Quran as well.
public figure
January 16, 2013 1:53 pm
Truly awesome.
January 16, 2013 2:52 pm
Absolutely brilliant analysis, albeit a tad too ironical. Good work, Sabir.
January 17, 2013 6:38 am
well written
Asif Kahsmiri
January 17, 2013 2:39 pm
That day is not far away, when the whole nation will wake up, In Sha ALLAH
Nasah (USA)
January 16, 2013 8:33 pm
"Khaanay kay daaNt aur dikhaanay kay aur hain" -- not even the United States is immune to this hypocrisy -- actually they have a name for it calling 'American Exceptionalism' -- what to talk about Pakistan and India drenched in double dealings -- what is important that every country should have the gutsy incisive Sabir Nazars and NFPs -- like Pakistan does -- to call a spade a spade even if it's their own spade.
January 16, 2013 8:16 pm
While some points here are valid, the writer is seriously uninformed and lacking knowledge. An immature article. An article just for the sake of an article.
January 16, 2013 8:28 pm
Completely agree.. and I've made this point many times in previous posts.. Journalism in Pakistan has much more LIFE, and is much more incisive, much more informative than Journalism in India.
January 16, 2013 3:35 pm
Syed Faraz Ali (@farazai)
January 16, 2013 2:15 pm
anonymous indian
January 16, 2013 7:58 pm
We heard a discussion on "Times Now" a couple of days back where a retired pakistan military person was calling India a country ruled and governed by "Brahmins". Most of us in India broke into a smile at the sheer ignorance about India among people across the border. Other than Mamata Banerjee, the Chief Minister of West Bengal, and Shiela Dixit in Delhi, India does not have a brahmin Chief Minister in any other state. The Prime Minister is a Sikh, The man heading India's Army is also a Sikh, The Intelligence Bureau chief is a Muslim. Infact many states like Uttar Pradesh and Bihar have either a Dalit (Mayawati) as Chief Minister or a Backward Caste person a the Chief Minister (Akhilesh Yadav in UP, Nitish Kumar and Lalu in Bihar), Jharkhand has a tribal Chief Minister, Punjab has a sikh as CM, Mizoram has a Christian as a CM. Rajasekhar Reddy the late CM of Andhra Pradesh who an was extremely popular leader in that state was a Dalit Christian. Karunanidhi , the CM in Tamilnadu, is also from the backward caste. In fact Narendra Modi, the Chief Minister of Gujarat and probably BJP's Priministerial Candidate for 2014 elections, belongs to the "Backward Caste". He is an immensely popular man among the urban "Forward Caste" middle class voters, controversies apart. If this were not true the Congress party would not be discussing him and his ability to charm and garner votes in 2014 in their annual "Chintan Baitak" in a few days from now. They see him as a potential threat to the UPA-III. The point is India has changed profoundly and it would do well if experts from Pakistan read more about how India has been socially transforming in the last 30 years before making outdated comments that only serve as entertainment to Indian viewers on television.
Mr singh
January 16, 2013 7:47 pm
my Pakistani friends never agree that they lost any war to India. they say they always won against India. first I thought Pakistani news paper n tv tell them lies. but after reading dawn I can say Pakistani media is true. then who tells Pakistani people that they won all wars against India.
Ali Shah
January 16, 2013 2:19 pm
nyc one...keep it up ...dear
Tariq Asam_NY
January 16, 2013 2:41 pm
Definite a nice piece which a quite factual and piercing at the same time Notwithstanding that contradictions are part of all societies and countries, we just got too many. Where do we go from here? The trajectory is pointing towards the South Asian map changes one more time.
January 16, 2013 2:42 pm
We consider Pakistan as a castle of Islam ... but Pakistan has never been able to construct itself properly.
January 16, 2013 2:42 pm
Very intelligent observations! Of course the reading is for those who have an open mind and are willing to listen. To those who already have their minds made up, it will have no effect.
January 16, 2013 2:34 pm
Wow! Hopefully this will be written in Urdu as well!!!
January 16, 2013 2:34 pm
true but sarcastic
zeeshan sheikh
January 16, 2013 2:33 pm
The point 4 of comments guide is: 4. Language that is offensive to any race, religion, ethnicity, gender or nationality is not permitted. Yet the whole article is an attack on Islam, Pakistan (Bakistan), Muslims, Saudis, Afghanis, Only liberal fascists can achieve such level of hypocrisy
Haris Chaudhry
January 16, 2013 2:32 pm
precise, succinct and oh-so-on-the-target !! a lot of things cannot be said openly in this land of pure (without the fear of getting your head chopped off) but could be so well articulated in a wonderful illustrious piece like yours. Very thoroughly impressed. Kudos :)
Baighairat Kafir
January 16, 2013 2:05 pm
Appropriate humor Sabir. You are giving Paracha a run for his money :)
January 17, 2013 8:35 am
It cannot get better than this!! Pakistan seems to be waking up.....yes the misinformed US hatred, Indo-Pak wars... but the best is the religious leaders dying a natural death whereas young boys in teens dying in violence. Can there be any greater sad story!! Time to think if religion is worth the human life!!!! Remove religious curtain...all madness and hypocrisy is laid bare!! This is the best I have read at Dawn thus far.
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