The Waziristan yatra

Click on images to enlarge.

The BJP Ram Rath Yatra started from Somnath and ended at the Ram Janmabhoomi in Ayodhia. BJP leaders converted an air-conditioned van into a chariot and brought hundreds of Karsevaks to the site of Babri Masjid. The assembled yatrees demolished Babri Mosque to build Ram Temple and Lal Krishan Advani demolished congress in the centre and built the first BJP government.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

The Yatra of Imran Khan is going start from blue area of Islamabad, close to parliament house – the house of the idol of western democracy (Taghut). This modern day temple of Somnath on Constitutional Avenue is the mother of all evils. The yatrees march will proceed towards Balkasar, Talagang, Mianwali, D I Khan and then move towards South Waziristan. The yatra will end at Kotkai in South Waziristan, the janam bhomi of Taliban hero, Hakemullah Mehsud who survived the dastardly Americans illegal drone strike. Yatres would include foreign journalists, true blooded liberals, gaddi nasheens and my feudal lords of Multan, Islamic human rights activists, and fibre optics revolutionaries from all across Pakistan.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

The march will protest in front of American bases and the CIA headquarters in South Waziristan from where drones are being operated. The great Captaan will have three rings of defense for his safety. The rest of the marchers will be protected by the prayers of their family members. Shah Mao Tse-tung and Javed Chou En-lai will lead the public under the protection of the prayers offered by their sufis at the shrines of Multan. All other foreign minister candidates will follow KM Qasoori in Beaconhouse school buses.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

The Taliban have offered protection to Imran khan and his yatrees. The government of the United Emirates of Taliban will also provide protection to the visiting Pakistani yatrees in South Waziristan against the attacks of Black water, CIA, and uncircumcised RAW agents. The yatra is, however, not allowed by the foreign forces of political administration and the army of Pakistan.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

This is will be Imran Khan’ first foreign visit to the Emirates of Taliban. The foreign delegate of yatrees will be taken to the shrines of Baitullah Mehsud, Naik Mohmmad, Ilyas Kashmiri where they will place flower garlands and offer fatiha. The founding fathers of the Emirates of Taliban were innocent civilians who were killed by illegal drone attacks. The innocent civilians will present a guard of honour to welcome the peace delegate at the border of Pakistan and South Waziristan. The delegates will also attend the flag hosting ceremony, like we see at the Wagha Border in Lahore. After paying a visit and offering fatiha for great teacher, Qari Hussain the yatree will gather in Kotkai to celebrate Sunday holiday. After the sermon by Captan yatree, he will proceed to see the model village built by the army in Kotkai on the entry border of South Waziristan.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

Yatrees will also visit hospitals that were built by cutting surrounding mountains during the Afghan Jihad of Zia ud din Ayubi; these hospitals will be replicated in Bani Gala and Margalla hills in Islamabad. Foreign journalist will visit universities in South Waziristan and bring with them guiding syllabi for the uniform, one syllabus to be introduced in Pakistan when PTI comes into power.

Imran will lead them back to Islamabad for a peace conference that would be presided by Soofi Mohammad of Malakand Agency. As we all know, all roads lead to Islamabad, whether from Kargil, Jalalabad, Srinagar or Waziristan. The political mileage from this yatra will yield dividends in Islamabad.

-Illustration by Sabir Nazar

All we need to do is to cast our vote for the gaddi nasheens of Multan and shedatulli. And I promise, within the next 19 days, corruption will disappear like horns disappeared from the head of donkey. The Taliban will lay their arms at the deep mid wicket in front of Caliph Imran Khan; the economy will be running like Sir Agha Waqar Khan’s car, the tax net will catch all the big fish that didn’t vote for PTI. And most importantly, justice will finally be provided by our honorable Jirga elders; and the grand court of jirga/punchayat elders will be shifted to Meerwala, Muffargargh, adjacent to Mukhtaran Mai’s school.


The author left architecture for painting but ended up as a cartoonist and now writes Hijjo. He is the jack of all trades.


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

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Comments (60) Closed

Oct 03, 2012 10:52pm
Just to be clear, I meant Dave Barry's style of writing, not content.
Oct 03, 2012 07:12pm
IK is more straight forward and courageous than many of us......way more than those in power. As a people we are inept to differentiate between good men and bad. And that is why we fail to chose men of charachter as our representatives.
Ahmed Zeeshan
Oct 03, 2012 07:57pm
Agreeed...but i appreciate one thing of this writer that he has published all the comments against him unlike the very dear Mr. NFP
dr israr
Oct 03, 2012 07:14pm
Rather than making fun of sincere and brave effort by someone to raise voice against the killing of innocent people in drone strikes,we should support Imran khan for doing what he can do.I do'not see any thing funny about this very much serious matter.If the writer do not have courage to oppose Americans and support his own brothers ,at least he should let others to do something.A very bad tasting article
Zakir Akbar
Oct 04, 2012 11:46am
Excellent article!. What a way to sum up the Wazirastan and drone attacks on "innocent" Talibans. I love the terminology,"United Emirates of Taliban" and other refrences of Shah Mao Tse tung and Javed Chou En-lai. But you failed to point out our Sipah Silar-e-Azam IMC.. Your Satire is no doubt at the level of NFP. Please keep writing!!! we need something to laugh at Wihners..
Imran B.
Oct 04, 2012 02:40am
I appreciate your sense of humor and drawing ability. How about cartoon of the day at Dawn? By the way being an architect myself, you remind me of a classmate who was always making caricatures of the professor or someone during design studio.
Syed Masood Ibrahim
Oct 05, 2012 07:28am
Brilliantly written after thorough examinations of policies and lies which Imran Khan has been slipping under the rug hoping people would only focus on his chants of so called CHANGE. We need to consider the facts i.e. no party elections, u-turns in most of his statements, abusing of their paid social media members upon their own party members and rise in popularity of PMLN.
Baighairat Kafir
Oct 04, 2012 12:32pm
great article sir! equivalent to Nadeem Paracha's genius!
Oct 04, 2012 04:37am
What utter non-sense...try speaking to someone living in waziristan...this step may bring some semblance of hope for people of waziristan...sitting afar in our cozy living rooms we have no idea...military solution hasnt worked, it never will so need to do things differently...any more bright ideas?!
Rahmat Ali
Oct 05, 2012 09:11am
Mr.Sabir Nazir very funny but full of wisdom .. Everybody play with this emotional nation . We need to educate other people not to get emotional on something like the statement of BIlour.
dr khan
Oct 05, 2012 09:03am
the writter before writting should visit and meet people of waziristan that colateral damage is their in each and every drone attack, and instead of criticizing imran he should see the silence of other parties and double game played by army in fata
Oct 05, 2012 08:08am
very true brother. so called liberals of this country are responsible for all this mess we have in this country. No budy has courage to take such stances for those dprived people living in stone ages just because of people like u and me.
Oct 04, 2012 02:10pm
Suppose to be funny and humerous. However, I find it crass, tasteless and direct attack on innocent woman and children who die eveyday because we do not care about our very own. There is only one leader who has guts to speak for those people and stand with them. One who is honest, sincere, and will to help the people of our country. Unfortunately, these paid bloggers of establishment mafia, and status quo are trying poke holes in the very boat they are riding.
Oct 03, 2012 11:34am
The writer's satire is interesting , though Imran's step is a positive one and we should appreciate that after so long , at least one daring political leader is visiting that area.
Oct 05, 2012 09:56am
brilliant piece of literature,however, lack of strategic depth. I appeal to my nation's intellectuals to honestly guide the nation how to move on and build a fairer society dreamt by our founding fathers.
Oct 04, 2012 05:45am
I personally don't believe that PTI has any ideology but this article is a result of obsession about PTI otherwise these little things should not matter to Dawn and its bloggers.
Oct 04, 2012 03:55pm
I dont know why people think that making fun of "atleast some" efforts are better instead of supporting some good efforts. Sarcasm is better untill its ruining some good work done
Oct 05, 2012 06:26am
Interesting way to express the march, one can feel the innocence of PTI that what they are trying to do and what it turns to be.
Mohammad Assad
Oct 04, 2012 07:17pm
Not even remotely funny.
Ismat Shahjehan
Oct 04, 2012 03:25pm
Oct 05, 2012 06:30am
One Day when your someone personal will be killed, then you will realize the importance of Peace. Until keep making your masters happy , it will help you to get security clearance and visa of Amreeeca.
Oct 04, 2012 01:19pm
Nasty and enjoyble truth.
p r sharma
Oct 04, 2012 09:37am
i love the sarcasm . excellent.
Oct 04, 2012 01:16pm
brilliant - like it !
Oct 03, 2012 05:22pm
Haha...PTI is tryinng to no worries
Oct 04, 2012 05:41pm
Very well written, very well sketched. Great.
Oct 03, 2012 04:32pm
What a refreshing way to express your views. It was Great.
Oct 03, 2012 04:17pm
I like this blog and I support Imran Khan and his peace march.... Long Live IK
Oct 03, 2012 03:38pm
Babri masjid is a wrong analogy-the writer is immature and trying to be satirical - jack of all trades but master of none!
Agha Ata (USA)
Oct 03, 2012 01:36pm
I find it very hard to decide that what is better. Your article or the cartoons. :)
Oct 03, 2012 01:36pm
A type of war in which one of the opponents is sitting thousands of kilometers away, probably also having a cup of coffee in one hand, and then decides as to who lives and who dies just by the click of a button can never be justified on any grounds whatsoever.
Oct 03, 2012 01:35pm
Excellent piece. Brilliant exposure of the hypocrisy that calls for end to drone strikes but stays mum on strikes on Pakistan by extremists. Oppose the drone strikes but claim back sovereignty from the TTP first, you fools.
Oct 03, 2012 01:13pm
NFP is anyway copying Dave Barry, so be nice!
Oct 03, 2012 01:15pm
bakwas article.
Oct 03, 2012 01:08pm
Bravo Nazar sahab. Looking forward to the PTI mean government.
Dr. Nouman Kazmi
Oct 03, 2012 03:19pm
Totally uncalled for. I disagree with whatever you are trying to pull here. Seems quite obvious that you are not a fan of PTI.
Waqas Ahmed
Oct 03, 2012 03:29pm
define hypocricy for yourself and then mediate between left and right
Oct 03, 2012 03:26pm
Excellent Job Sabir Sahab. Keep it up
Oct 03, 2012 12:25pm
Jack of all trades should not go public. You should be better with painting.
Muhammad Waqas
Oct 03, 2012 12:18pm
Yes u r right Ahsan if some one is picking a step against those illegal Drones we have to appreciate this him instead of critizing .... someone has to ask Mr.Sabir a question that if he has any other way to post his protest then he is more then welcome if not then plz keep quite and sit in your secure home and let Imran Khan go for GOD sake don't lay stones in his way.....
Oct 03, 2012 12:15pm
Stop copying NFP!
Akmal Qabal
Oct 03, 2012 12:12pm
Its a good laugh, but I don't agree with the message given in this article. We are not Americans, and drone attacks do kill innocent people, we shouldn't deny the facts. No one is asking to support the Taliban, but to kill all the people in the region using drones isn't exactly a strategy. And finally in 2013 Pakistan has a choice to try something new (unlike the past, this experiment can be constitutional). No other political force is suggesting changes to the rotten system, as they derive their power from it.
Oct 03, 2012 12:12pm
sabir sb, I thought the road to Islamabad went through Washington, now u r putting kotkai in place of washington P.S where is mr zardari these days?
Oct 03, 2012 11:37am
Sabir Nazir. I usually in fact mostly like your work but this was uncalled for.
Oct 03, 2012 02:13pm
Oct 03, 2012 10:46am
im not a PTI supporter but atleast someone has the courage to go to the troubled areas..
Mustafa Ashfaq
Oct 03, 2012 10:47am
People like this writer can do nothing and just stand aside and criticize...People are dying there are you aware of that??? If you are going ..whatever steps are taken for peace we must appreciate it...
Oct 03, 2012 02:10pm
This article is funny but too cynical. I am not sure that more cynicisim is the cure all for us. If you cant support the cause then at least dont demoralize it. As far as I can see there is no way around the Taliban the extremists, US policies against Pakistan, corruption and religious rhetoric. You have to address each issue head on. There is no right or wrong answer. Its all trial and error at this point. I would be very interested in this writers views about another soution or party that can challenge the status quo without the proliferation of any of the above issues.
Oct 03, 2012 02:53pm
its very difficult to satisfy pakistani nation. mr author i claim my five minutes back
Oct 04, 2012 10:01am
so true !!! Imran khan Zindabad.
Oct 04, 2012 09:57am
accurate analysis Junaid!
Oct 03, 2012 02:54pm
nice one yar... comic
Oct 03, 2012 11:44am
is it fashion trend these days ? criticize Imran Khan and get easy or call it cheap publicity?
Oct 03, 2012 03:20pm
My advice to Imran -- bring back the Taliban security detail from Waziristan to Islamabad on a permanent 7/24 duty.
Oct 03, 2012 11:45am
Great one by Sabir...but there is no cure for the disillusioned tribe
Oct 03, 2012 11:28am
was that suppose to be funny ?
Oct 03, 2012 11:27am
It is sad that we have people like this writer with such views of such a brave and noble step! Sad indeed!
Oct 03, 2012 11:13am
Hi Hijjo, a wonderful, amazing and well left-right writing but left certain questions like as to why did you write this column, what interest do you have in you "grey water", what do you want to take benefit or give to beneficiaries and what item do you wish to prove?????????? Please do explain.............
Oct 03, 2012 11:04am
Jack of all trades, appearnt from the depth of his arguements. The writer must be great admirer of the present Comd in Chief of The Armed Forces, who never left the the fotress of presidency while 6000 of his under command soldiers laid down their lives in addition to 40000 common Pakistanis.
Oct 03, 2012 02:32pm
Last passage was sarcasm at it's very creative best...