Dawn News

Science for the ummah

Recently an enterprising Pakistani engineer claimed to have invented a car that is powered by water.

Excited by the news, Pakistan’s, nay, the whole Muslim ummah (and some North Korean’s) favourite scientist, Dr. Qadeem Khan, endorsed the invention and demanded that the automobile be called ‘Islamic car.’

Of course, there was the usual whining from liberal fascists/scum/extremists who ridiculed the glorious invention as a product of ‘pseudo-science’ and technical quackery.

But we all know how these elements want the Muslim ummah to continue being subjugated, dominated and exploited by Western secular Judeo-Christian science.

Little do they know that ever since the reign of the great caliph, General Ziaulul Haq, the Islamic Republic of Pakistan is leading the way in the development, growth and potential dominance of ‘Islamic Science.’

No, this has nothing to do with those ancient Muslim philosophers, astronomers and chemists who were just too influenced by the science and scholarship of ancient wine-drinking Greek idolaters.

This is about the real Islamic Science and it has already managed to stun the jealous secular Western Judeo-Christian world with a number of some stunning inventions. In theory at least.

Here are some of them …

The Al-Car

Since car hoti hai (it’s a she), the Al-Car cannot be taken out on the road without a cover. Drivers are required to use their instincts to navigate and if they are pious, angels are likely to help them in this regard.

The Al-Car does not use conventional fuel. It uses water. But since Pakistan does not want to harm brotherly country Saudi Arabia’s oil economy, the inventers of Al-Car have made sure that it only runs on Aab-e-Zamzam that is only available in brotherly Saudia.

At first the Al-Car will only be made available to the ummah. That is, of course, only to the men of the ummah. However, there will be ample space for women in the trunk.

Pakistan plans to unveil – unveil in the figurative sense, of course – this auto marvel as soon as the government dishes out a billion dollars to the inventor and releases Arsalan Iftikhar so this young dynamic Muslim entrepreneurial genius can help the inventor build a profitable (interest-free) production plant.

Preferably in Monte Carlo – after it has been conquered by General Zaid Hamid and after its population is converted (live on TV) by Mujahidan Mayan Khanam.

Genie Energy (and/or Electricity from Jinns)

This just has to be the most exciting and unique project of holy science: Deriving electricity from genies (jinns).

This brilliant theory was first presented by a brilliant Somalian alchemist, Dr. Mabuto bin Kambata in 1985 AD.

After being ridiculed by secular Western Judeo-Christian scientists and pagan African witch doctors, bin Kambata escaped to Pakistan where he was given sanctuary by Khalifa Ziaulul Haq.

Bin Kambata soon convinced Ziaulul to hold an international seminar and conference on Islamic Science.

With lots of Saudi aid to kill but not enough electricity, Ziaulul agreed and the conference was held in Islamabad. Over a thousand modern-day alchemists and scientists from the Muslim world were invited – except Dr. Parvez Hoodbhoy - he’s such a Western secular Judeo-Christian spoilsport.

The highlight of the conference was, of course, a model of Dr. Mabuto bin Kambata’s generator built to summon jinns and derive vital volts of electricity from them.

The generator works after it is plugged in a socket holding electricity that has been converted from AC (Ahmadi Current) to MC (Muslim Current).

But one has to be careful. The generator can sometimes also summon non-Muslim jinns who, if they are not converted (live on TV) by Mujahidan Mayan Khanam, cannot be used to generate electricity.

Such jinns can, however, be used to abduct Hindus with the help of flying carpets.

Renowned ummah scientists like Dr. Amir Liaqat (MBBS/PhD/DDT)  and Dr. Ali Azmat have said that Pakistan will have over a thousand Mabuto Generators by 2013 AD.

It will be sad though that Dr. Mabuto himself would not be around to celebrate this joyous moment.

He died in 2001, electrocuted while using a hairdryer in his bathtub. The malicious involvement of AC (Ahmadi Current) was suspected.


While the secular Western Judeo-Christian scientists are busy wasting time, money and effort on measuring earthquakes and tsunami waves, we have invented the Halal-o-Meter.

Invented by the famous and pious TV-chef-cum-preacher, Farkhunda bint-e-Dalda (aka Qaum ki Sabzi), the Halal-o-Meter is an innovative instrument that measures the level of alcohol (or lack of) in perfumes, toothpaste, mouthwash, etc.

With so many secular Western Judeo-Christian products out there, the Halal-o-Meter can be a terrific asset for the true believer. All he/she has to do is dip the meter in the mouthwash/perfume/toothpaste/etc.

If the product has alcohol, the meter will start to beep loudly and an electronic voice will appear frantically bellowing ‘Haraam, Haraam!’

Ms. Farkhunda believes millions of Muslim souls can be saved from eternal damnation with this instrument because to her there’s no bigger sin for a Muslim than to use mouthwash and perfume that has alcohol.

She says that the government should put all its effort and money into building such instruments and make her the sole distributer.

She says the government can measure the number of souls that are saved by this instrument by measuring the amount of money she will make. She promises she will be a Sharia-compliant millionaire.

The Adulterilator (and/or the Automatic Adulteress Crusher)

Concerned by the rising cases of adultery (by women), gallant and brave (but nimble-tongued) Pakistani physicist, Sangsar Abbasi, has claimed to have invented a ‘smart stone throwing machine.’

Calling it the Adulterilator, Sangsar says the machine (made from wood from fine Saudi date palms) has special sensors that can detect adulteresses (and even potential adulteresses) and throw stones and boulders at them.

When some liberal fascists asked why is the machine only made to detect adulteresses and not adulterers, Sangsar convincingly explained that Muslim men were by nature innocent and it were the women who were the main culprits, especially those who went about without hijabs or burqas.

When some liberal fascists refused to buy his rationale, Sangsar appealed to the CJP to take suo moto action against the buggers. And which, he did, terming the buggers’ scepticism as harmful to the constitution.

HAARP Repulser

HAARP is The United States’ High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program – an ionospheric research programme jointly funded by the US Air Force, the Navy, the University of Alaska, the Defence Advanced Research Projects Agency and the secular Western Judo-Karate villains.

Yes, the same programme that caused the 2005 Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, the 2011 Japanese earthquake and the 2011 Imran Khan tsunami.

Many scientists of the ummah, especially in Pakistan, believe that the HAARP project is largely aimed against Muslim regions. It wants to destroy Muslim populations by distorting and manipulating extreme weather conditions.

But, alas, a group of Übermensch ummah scientists in Pakistan have created a powerful project to counter HAARP.

This project is called BURRP. A blast from this ingenious God-given technology successfully repulses the malicious effects of HAARP – and indigestion. Brilliant, no?

First camel on the moon

A group of Pakistani aeronautical engineers (actually weathermen) claim that they have found a way to go to the moon.

They say that since the secular Western Judeo-Christians have already managed to put a man on the moon, they will go a step further by landing the first camel on the moon.

‘This will also be in line with our Arab aesthetics and tradition,’ one engineer explained.

He said that unlike the Americans who used rockets to take their astronauts to the moon, they will do no such thing.

When asked exactly how they plan to put a camel on the moon if not with the help of a rocket, the engineer smugly suggested: ‘The camel is the rocket!’


Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com


The views expressed by this blogger and in the following reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

Nadeem F. Paracha is a cultural critic and senior columnist for Dawn Newspaper and Dawn.com

He tweets @NadeemfParacha

The views expressed by this writer and commenters below do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of the Dawn Media Group.

Comments (317) Closed

Aug 03, 2012 11:53am
Defend your country from America and China first.
Aug 02, 2012 02:50pm
I am NOT Ahmadi but I DO agree with the second part for your sentence. The only trouble I find with these articles is in the mainstream media, it is either the far left or far right being represented. Lots of 'moderates' ...the real ones....who for whatever reason perhpas for lack of courage or whatever the case maybe...reamin silent and are non or mosrepresented hence posing a picture of a very conservative society and the liberals portrayed as saviours.
Aug 02, 2012 02:43pm
Excellent, excellent, excellent.... can't stop laughing
Aug 02, 2012 02:48pm
Nadeem your are simply great! As there is Islamic Science so there is so called Vedic Science in India. Whenever there is some invention in western country our Pundit's claim that's its already written in our Veda's. The so called Aeroplane of Ravana, Sanjivani booti, the myth of sanskrit being the best language for Computers.... and many more... Unfortunately we don't have any equal of NFP here in India.........
Vijay Dixit
Aug 02, 2012 02:42pm
Absolutely fantastic.You are peerless.
Aug 02, 2012 02:18pm
i think the credit should go to persians, rather than arabians. they were always civilized: before they were muslims, and even after becoming muslim. infact they were the reason, why we hear a term called ISLAMIC GOLDEN AGE. the seige of baghdad, ended persian domination, and hence, science in islamic countries.
Aug 02, 2012 02:53pm
The only trouble I find with these articles is in the mainstream media, it is either the far left or far right being represented. Too much exagerration (read extremism) at both ends. Lots of 'moderates' ...the real ones....who for whatever reason perhpas for lack of courage or whatever the case maybe...reamin silent and are non or misrepresented hence posing a picture of a very conservative society and the liberals portrayed as saviours.
Aug 03, 2012 05:51pm
He should start writing about corrupt Indian ministers in Times of India.
Aug 03, 2012 06:44pm
Societies have dark periods - but this should not take away the fact that one of the first persons to come up with the concept of the scientifc method (hypothesize, test the theory by experimenting, modify theory..) was Alhazen, full name Ab? ?Al? al-?asan ibn al-?asan ibn al-Haytham. Look him up on Wikipedia. Alhazen's most famous work is his seven volume Arabic treatise on optics, Kitab al-Manazir (Book of Optics), written from 1011 to 1021. ``Optics was translated into Latin by an unknown scholar at the end of the 12th century or the beginning of the 13th century.[36] It was printed by Friedrich Risner in 1572, with the title Opticae thesaurus: Alhazeni Arabis libri septem, nuncprimum editi; Eiusdem liber De Crepusculis et nubium ascensionibus.[37] an Arab or Persian. ibn al-?asan ibn al-Haytham, born in Iraq. Look him up in Wikipedia. Centuries before Newton or Galileo.'' This is being posted by an Indian physicist.
Aug 03, 2012 02:01pm
It was w.r.t the comment, i replied to ...you know where the writer made a point to point out the fact first..So.. Only meant to emphasize that even though I am not one, I did agree with the latter part of the statement. End of story. It is bothersome, I agree but the reason people do that is probably to paint a picture that if you don't belong to a particular sect doesn't mean that they are not open to reasonable dialogue (which is what is portayed in the mainstream media). Either with us or against us mind-set needs to go.
Aug 03, 2012 05:12pm
"The generator works after it is plugged in a socket holding electricity that has been converted from AC (Ahmadi Current) to MC (Muslim Current)" Hahahahah this is a brilliant piece,sir!! too hilarious...love it!
Farookh Sekh
Aug 02, 2012 09:52am
why we can critisize so easily NPF you should try to use your wit to improve condition of muslim or if you are Pakistani, you shud use ur wit to improve condition of Pakistan....brother..
Rizwan ul hasan khan
Aug 03, 2012 06:05pm
I salute you Paracha sahab for such wonderful article....... I wish people can understand what have you said between the lines.
Pavas Ambashta
Aug 02, 2012 10:47am
Then get your facts corrected!! Apart from "Muslim World" the language of science has never been Arabic..And suppose for 2 minutes that what you said is correct, then what happened later?? Why Muslim list of "Haram" is increasing day by day?? I have read somewhere that while Taliban in Afghanistan, even wrist watches were Haraam there!!
Aug 02, 2012 02:39pm
You dont need to be an expert to figure out the laws of thermodynamics. The engineering degree of this guy should be confiscated.
Shabir Hassan
Aug 02, 2012 03:01pm
Fair enough. But history teaches that the so-called 'moderates' are more likely to fall to the rightest side of the divide. Btw, I don't think NFP represents the far left, or for that matter, left. He is a classical liberal or those whom we call Liberal Muslims. Love him or hate him, the guy's got a fantastic sense of wit and a huge readership.
Aug 02, 2012 02:20pm
Can someone tell me about the lady alluded in Halal-o-Meter part of the article???
Aug 02, 2012 02:34pm
what the heck dude
Nadir Sheikh
Aug 02, 2012 10:48am
Yes, Zeeshan, why not Abdus Salam?
Aug 02, 2012 04:04pm
The only way to contribute and help Pakistan is to to spread articles like these to as many Pakistanis as possible. I am sure Allah will reward you all for this!
Aug 03, 2012 06:27pm
True picure of the Pakistani version of Islam, It is funny but sad at the same time.
Excited Muslim
Aug 02, 2012 02:25pm
Bravo! These are great inventions and will establish well-deserved respect and glorification for Pakistani scientists. Just curious to know whether acquisition of these important items will require permission from Zoredari or Shareer families?
Aug 02, 2012 01:37pm
Wow Sangsar Abbasi , awesome dude i cant stop laughing but i havent come across any statement from AQ Khan where he declared this as Islamic car
Pavas Ambashta
Aug 02, 2012 10:55am
For improving condition of someone, the first stage is to identify the root cause of the problem..Isn't it?? And NFP has been doing the same for Pakistan..
Aug 02, 2012 10:57am
Same old secular fanatic making fun of religon and his own people. These secular fanatics couldnt acccept that 98% of people of Pak dont accept their version of way of life.
Aug 02, 2012 10:57am
because my brother Asad has been conditioned to think that all non-muslim sounding names are haram and therefore not entitled to praising facts!
Capt C M Khan
Aug 02, 2012 03:28pm
Please please can Dawn send me the HALAAL-O-METER. I live in a new and small country where the total muslim population is between 150 to 500. We are being invaded by Foreign JAMAATS every month who just talk about Halaal and Haraam. This meter will help stop them from wasting there time here and spend their finances wisely by educating and supporting poor mulims. Brilliant job NHF, can't stop laughing.
Aug 02, 2012 11:04am
Right .. but that word for Zia is blatant and an outburst of frustration.
Ejaz Butt
Aug 02, 2012 11:21am
An excellent satire; made me laugh and thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I am a Muslim myself (somewhat practising Muslim) but I myself get baffled with the zealously; and wearing of religion on sleeve attitude of a majority of my fellow Muslims. I live in the UK and I have seen the same zealously where the religion is practised only in many instances by wearing Shalwar Kameez, wearing Hijab or Juba but when it comes to the most attractive practical aspect of religion i.e., helping fellow human beings, being merciful on orphans, widows, animals and helping non earning fellow human beings etc; I am afraid to say that a very few of us are practising such noble deeds. The Saudi style Islamic ideology has gravely harmed Pakistan beyond belief and damaged the fabric of the society. “I am a Khattak but I am proud to belong to tribe of Human Race” Khushal Khan Khattak.
Aug 02, 2012 03:02pm
if Nadeem Paracha is trying to clean up the mess which is the minds of 98% Pakistanis then we should be thankful to him. At least someone is trying his best to guide these brainwashed people in the right direction though I dont see any outcome of it.
Aug 02, 2012 10:41am
Great satire as always, Sir NFP! But why has Pakistan likened itself so close to the Arabs?? They treat the us like third class citizens and think the sunshine out the backside of the westerners! If it wasn't for the oil there would be nothing. The day will dawn when the wells will run dry and they will chase the humble camel the "rocket" of the dessert and even it will reject them!
Aug 02, 2012 10:35am
and why dont you love Dr. Abdus Salam?
Aug 02, 2012 03:05pm
Who forced you to read it dude.
Aug 02, 2012 03:08pm
Good staire. But it could have been even better as there is no derth of scientists engineers and doctors in this country who instead of being confident and proficient on their skill advise you to pray for things to get better...
Aug 02, 2012 03:32pm
Cyrus, its not relevant but Spike Milligan was born in Sindh pre partition....just a small coincidence....
Aug 02, 2012 09:48am
Dawn and some other Pakistani publications and sites are like tiny oasis for people who are willing to question historical myths about Pakistan and the distortions of faith that are bombarded at us 24/7, and yet we find some right-wing brainwashed nuts who have no clue what satire is gather here to whine. They have a million sites out there on which they can pat each another on their backs and live out their delusions, and yet they come screaming on here. Jao bhai, Dawn and NFP are not for you.
Aug 02, 2012 03:25pm
Nitin, Your Vedic science is laughable at outset and you laugh openly at it. You Indians criticised indian religions enough to reform them.You can lampoon any god or abuse any god and no one issues a fatwa against you. We just want reform our society and face organised terror.
H. Being
Aug 02, 2012 03:13pm
That's just what I was thinking! Or perhaps I should say "Thinking I was, that"
Capt C M Khan
Aug 02, 2012 03:27pm
Please please can Dawn send me the HALAAL-O-METER. I live in a new and small country where the total muslim population is between 150 to 500. We are being invaded by Foreign JAMAATS every month who just talk about Halaal and Haraam. This meter will help stop them from wasting there time here and spend their finances wisely by educating and supporting poor mulims. Brilliant job NFP, can't stop laughing.
Aug 02, 2012 02:17pm
@Asad is from Al-Bakistan not Pakistan so dun worry brother singh.
Erfan Ahmed
Aug 02, 2012 02:10pm
Hilarious, as usual. However, I am noticing that you have pointed all your guns at the religious fanatics and left the corrupt liberals off the hook. Are you ever going to write about the rampant corruption in Pakistan, starting with the current government, as criticizing the deposed ones is easy.
ali abbas
Aug 02, 2012 11:31am
Thats the whole point Rehan, Pakistani are obsessed with Arabs, Ummah and Islam and the reason he is trying to satirize it.
Aug 02, 2012 01:32pm
Excellent, You are the best!!!!!!
ali abbas
Aug 02, 2012 11:28am
Actually I think you are a product of Zia regime. Intolerant and ignorant brand of Muslim!
Aug 02, 2012 11:27am
At the rate this is going this one will be caught too
Salim Langda
Aug 02, 2012 01:34pm
Someone help me from this devil!!! Gadi hoti hai isliye burqa pehnegi!!! Haha...
Aug 02, 2012 11:21am
Does Quadeer Khan belong to Arabs?
Aug 02, 2012 01:08pm
Dear Salman, Just because you are part of 98% does not make you right. Pakistan is in such a mess because religious fanatics and their sympathisers happen to be in a majority. If people like NFP and ourselves were, Pakistan would be a much better country. BTW, relax my friend. No need to become so defensive. No one hear made fun of your religion, just the way you practice it. Even if someone makes fun of religion, so what? Learn to relax and have fun, your life and lives of people around you will become much better.
Aug 03, 2012 05:31pm
Gosh, that was a real swindle - but CSIR was involved in it? Really?
Aug 02, 2012 10:17am
Stop reading NFP, and let the the rest of us have some laugh.
Aug 02, 2012 01:40pm
Loved it NFP! Keep it up..some guy in the comments section said you should use a different word for Ziaulul as this sounds abusive. I say what Ziaulul did to Pakistan takes him to the ranks of people whose names , or the names we think are appropriate for them, are not publishable anywhere decent. Lol. Keep it up NFP. At least we can laugh on ourselves. but pls sometime also write on Z A Bhutto who started the persecution of Ahmadis in the first place..and thats just one of his crimes. This way, you would win more fans as majority of the generation that came after yours, does not put him too far from Zia. Category is different, crimes same.
Aug 02, 2012 10:12am
Brilliant way of communicating serious issues facing the society / nation. Good luck. I hope that this article gets translated and published in newspapers which are read by masses - who believe in theories.
Aug 02, 2012 10:00am
That's EXACTLY what he's trying to do.
Aug 02, 2012 10:05am
Oh, is that why Muslim scientists were translating Greek books on philosophy and the sciences?
Aug 03, 2012 10:04am
Aug 03, 2012 10:05am
Please fatwa naa dena! tumhe meri kasam
Aug 03, 2012 04:41pm
NFP is a brave and intelligent man, if only he could be in charge of Pakistan...
Aug 04, 2012 02:17pm
Hazaar Sajday Tarap Rahay Hain Meri Jabeen E Niyaz Main
Aug 03, 2012 04:28pm
Oh ok. I see your point
Aug 03, 2012 10:40am
Simply the best. ROTFL!
The Student
Aug 03, 2012 10:28am
now sjmsci's comment was good satire. i liked it
Irfan Husain
Aug 03, 2012 10:17am
Wonderful piece. What's the next Islamic invention: a stealth plane concealed by angels?
Aug 03, 2012 10:19am
Bravo NFP!!! You nailed it again
Aug 03, 2012 11:26am
because they can see the increasing number of people now pay heed to rationalists and not bigots. I would never go to a faith-based page coz i know they are illogical and irrational and if ever go, believe me i get a headache which last for few days.
Aug 03, 2012 10:14am
"This comment has been deleted by the administrator." Why?? It was a perfectly rational comment, without any abuse or threats, relevant to the topic, polite and in response to a commentator's concern! Is my user-id auto-flagged? Weird, for a flagship newspaper of the self-declared 'most wonderfullest, greatest-est, free-est media' in the whole wide world, no?
Aug 03, 2012 11:32am
You'll burn in halaal hell for this.
Aug 04, 2012 01:20pm
The so called arabic numerical is a misnomer as it is actually invented by Indians ( Hind) . It was transferred to Europe by the arabs. The arbs were good at assimilating knowledge of other civilizations and preserving it. Their own inventions were not that many.
Mohammad Ali Khan
Aug 02, 2012 01:45pm
This is what incomprehensible chanting does to the mind.
Aug 02, 2012 10:38am
My goodness. How can you be so ignorant .you mean to say all non Arabic scientist used to write in Arabic. because i dont think Arab has produced any scientist till date
Mohammad amir
Aug 02, 2012 10:07am
Or you can conclude that religion should not be borrowed.
Aug 02, 2012 10:09am
there are alot others - look around ! shinning India ( satire )
Shabir Hassan
Aug 02, 2012 10:09am
This is the way it goes: Saterize hatred against Ahmadi or sectarianism or quackery done in the name of religion and that becomes a problem. But rationalize hatred against minorities, keep quiet about violence done In the name of Islam or clap on quackery and these people will hail you. So yes, what on earth do these hypocrites do coming here with their warped minds.
Sindhi Liberal
Aug 02, 2012 09:30am
Dawn please show the complete post. Thanks, This has created some confusion among the readers. I had written that NFP should respect all religions including Islam because this is what liberalism means.
Nasser Ali-Khan
Aug 02, 2012 09:58am
The language of Science was Arabic for 700 years till the 16th century - FACT!
Aug 03, 2012 07:29am
A new word aadded to my dictionary : Secular Fanatic!! How do you define this? I define as "Someone who is fanatically opposing the religious fanatics for their feudal mindset ,anti-development temperament ,religious hardliness and religious/ sectarian animosity for others and fights for equal rights and respect for all religion is a Secular Fanatic." I think even I would like to become a Secular Fanatic.
Aug 03, 2012 07:33am
Right, such a talent and tangled in these issues for way to much. I like his articles but he has started to repeat himself now. Come on NFP you can do better
Aug 03, 2012 07:32am
Ets do a Ghazwa-e-Pak and kidnap NFP.
Aug 02, 2012 12:46pm
Like many others, I too am a great admirer of NFP's satire/insights. However, I wish to go back to the basic premise of this article - a car that runs on water. I've read some reports of this invention in Indian newspapers too. My question is: Is such a thing possible? What do experts who have seen the invention say about it? Need some clarification. And, I congratulate Mr Paracha for the article. Kudos
Aug 03, 2012 12:06pm
things seldom help if a christian criticizes hindus, or hindus criticize islam, or islamists criticize hindus. the criticizm has to be from inside. muslims have to criticize there own practices, and will have to lead, otherwise people from other faith will surely take over...
r k jain
Aug 03, 2012 12:03pm
B. Rana
Aug 02, 2012 12:57pm
@Asad. Aren't we too quick to judge! What a racist!
Aug 02, 2012 12:47pm
Prof. Dr. Bar Attendant. Disco Dancer. Mr.Nadeem F Paracha, the Greatest ever Secular blogger of the universe thinks that, every person who does not follow secularism can be mocked.
Aug 03, 2012 07:38am
Why do you have to protest so loudly about not being an Ahmedi? Nobody asked you.... funny how everyone from Pakistan first says "I am NOT an Ahmedi", where they talk about anything which has even a very distant peripheral reference to Ahmedi... Even TV commentators sympathizing with Ahmedis after the murders in their prayer house would begin "I am not an Ahmedi or agree with them....". Sad.
Karachi Wala
Aug 02, 2012 12:46pm
I think now "Haseena maan jaegee".
Sadia Sehar
Aug 02, 2012 07:45am
SO, we should have a NEW RELIGION .. the one is not BORROWED....... huh ? and this westernization is not borrowed from anywhere ....RITE ::: u guys got peanuts in ur heads....
Aug 02, 2012 12:40pm
R u saying something here or dont have the guts for it ? :)
Aug 02, 2012 01:15pm
Totally agree with you....humanity has been lost in this race to be the more holier cow!!!
Aug 02, 2012 01:15pm
Pramod, I am sorry, but you are just as naive (I am not going to use the word ignorant, as it is too harsh). Your statement: "I don't think Arabs have produced any scientist till date" cannot be more inaccurate. The arb world did produce many scientisis, includign mathematicians, chemists, astronnomers, and physicis for 3-4 centuries when European world was deep in the dark ages. Check and see where the words like Chemistry, Algebra come from. This is not to undermine the contributons of other societies, like Greeks, Chinese, and Indian mathematicians to the world of science.
Aug 02, 2012 01:15pm
NFP bad Bakistani, You bad boy.
Aug 02, 2012 01:45pm
before zia, we were proud of our moughal heritage,now we are kissing the arabs, petro dollars at work..if only people would be proud pakistanis.
Rohit Gupta
Aug 02, 2012 06:42am
its a great Satire , But people may sensitize the Satire into Unnecessary fascist crazy people to do something on it. Great work !
Cyrus Howell
Aug 02, 2012 05:49am
You Tube. Spike Milligan. FIRST IRISH ROCKET TO THE MOON. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nfz9O_mSY1U Think you will laugh at this one if you look it up.
Cyrus Howell
Aug 02, 2012 05:45am
I myself have heard from Afghan intelligence services that the Taliban have now succeeded in inventing drones from paper airplanes.
Aug 02, 2012 05:52am
You are indeed a hypocrite myopic cyclops who desperately need to change eye glass number...
Fariha Salman
Aug 02, 2012 05:53am
NFP you have a wicked sense of irony and wit. Zabardast stuff once again.
rk singh
Aug 02, 2012 05:58am
Excellent satire sir. Even though we are supposed to take it in a very lighter vein, it also throws to light Pakistanis obsession with Arabs. Zamzam water was brilliant.
Aug 02, 2012 06:04am
*yawn* even if you had a point, you lost that in your attempt at going overboard!
Aug 02, 2012 06:11am
You are simply brilliant man
Aug 02, 2012 06:11am
very well written, it shows how dumb we Paksitanis have become. We treat our religion as a borrowed one from the Arabs. It isnt, it is ours..
Aug 02, 2012 06:13am
Wicked man! well done
Anjum Hameed
Aug 02, 2012 06:14am
Great piece!..more, please...
Aug 02, 2012 06:23am
And your obsession with Pakistani is never ending.
Sindhi Liberal
Aug 02, 2012 06:25am
Sindhi scientist has invented the car running on water so please don't mix secular Sindhis with Dr AQ Khan (opposite)
Aug 02, 2012 06:25am
Very true ... I couldn't agree more .... anything that is not "secular" gives stomach cramps to NFP and Dawn .... :-D
Aug 02, 2012 06:29am
Oh,so you guys DO believe that such 'Islamic products' actually exist? There actually IS an 'Islamic car' or a 'BURRP' or a plan to land a camel on the moon?
Aug 02, 2012 06:34am
Great job.... In fact a sincere friend's voice for a nation who is in deep sleep.
Aug 02, 2012 06:34am
How can you claim that it's not borrowed? It's not home grown, Pakistan is not the birth place of Islam. Historically that honour will always be with the Arabs whether we like it or not.
taranveer singh
Aug 02, 2012 06:34am
NFP I am fan of your writing.
Aug 02, 2012 08:06am
What makes you think these so called satires can wake up the nation?
Aug 02, 2012 06:35am
Truth hurts.
Aug 02, 2012 06:48am
I am really getting tired of this pseudo-satire that seems to be obsessed with Arabs , Muslims , Islam , Muslim ummah and "religious intolerance" ... getting very lacklustre , predictable and lame indeed. "Secular brigade" better come up with something innovative to slander "ghairat brigade"...and fast :-p
Aug 02, 2012 06:48am
Best article i have ever read, couldn't stop laughing all the way. Real eye opener for Pakistani hypocrisy and the way we go about our life. P.S. Best was conversion of AC (Ahmadi Current) to MC (Muslim Current) and Sangsar Abbasi lol
Aug 02, 2012 06:51am
NFP is constantly trying achieve something, which is so difficult , unless you try it out to all common people to who don't have access to DAWN. One more thing....just saw a news today, China has banned ROZA for a section of people, any comment from those Pakistanis who constantly do propaganda against Indian Hindus?
Aug 02, 2012 01:20pm
Another indication of Arab mind control over some Pakistanis is this reverence for the date. The other day at an Iftar party, I happened to mention that I do not like dates. You would not believe the dirty looks I got from the pious brigade around the table. You would have thought I had insulted motherhood. One bearded fellow went so far as to say that I was insulting Islam by dispariging the date. Another went on for about half an hour about the great medicinal properties of the date.
Naveed Ikram
Aug 02, 2012 06:53am
Zabardast. But Sir! You're missing out on another great theory presented in the historical 'science' conference of 1985. One great 'scientist' discovered correct angle of 'Dua' to be followed by the Ummah. He discovered that our prayers are not answered as our angle to God is not correct. His theory was aided by some illustrations too. Pls don't miss that brilliant thesis.
Aug 02, 2012 01:47pm
why not honour pakistan's only original scientist Mohammad Abdus Salam? it may start to be a good beginning for a scientific ummah. Even western world went thru dark ages; it takes courage to question and rectify your mistakes.
Rashid M
Aug 02, 2012 07:00am
Lacks sharpness. Dull and boring.
Aug 02, 2012 07:02am
Epic Line "The generator works after it is plugged in a socket holding electricity that has been converted from AC (Ahmadi Current) to MC (Muslim Current)" You Sir have won the day
Aug 02, 2012 07:10am
NFP, if I fall sick or die of laughter, I am going to hold you responsible!!!
Aug 02, 2012 07:11am
Borrowed religion + local culture = it won't work. The culture also should be borrowed.
Aug 02, 2012 07:15am
Mr Nadeem, you got your facts totally wrong. You saying " Recently an enterprising Pakistani engineer claimed to have invented a car that is powered by water. "" He has not invented the Car but he has invented a water pump that drives the car.
rk singh
Aug 02, 2012 07:15am
@ Asad, I am a Pakistani Sikh from Peshawar. Why should I not be?
Aug 02, 2012 07:20am
Haseena, and you seem not to be getting the fact that this is a SATIRE!
Aug 02, 2012 07:21am
he hates every thing belongs to Arabs. whether it be a camel, zamzam, dates etc. he hates Dr. Qadeer Khan, he does not care that millions of Pakistanis love him very much.
Zulfiqar Shaikh
Aug 02, 2012 07:32am
Excellent stuff.. such creativity!
Aug 02, 2012 07:32am
saloo bahi you are right..narrow minded person NFP is.
Aug 02, 2012 07:35am
this is not my whole comment. it is just a part of my original comments. so here is the proof of your liberalism, and freedom of expression the AC charged Dawn.
Aug 02, 2012 07:36am
Dude, you sound like Yoda.
Aug 02, 2012 07:41am
Jehanzeb Idrees
Aug 02, 2012 07:41am
For obvious reason, of course!
Aug 02, 2012 07:42am
This article is supposed to present a distorted view so a few distorted facts shouldn't hurt , right ? That is what "satire" is all about !
Aug 02, 2012 07:46am
With such low % age, it is difficult for the locals also to beileve this ......!!
Aug 02, 2012 07:48am
Wait for some time. A car running only on takbeers is on the way.
Aug 02, 2012 07:54am
As a Muslim, NFP has what most of us Muslims of Pakistan have been losing: Devastating wit! He is our best asset. NOT quacks or Dr. Qadeer.
Jehanzeb Idrees
Aug 02, 2012 07:54am
NFP, you're getting desperate dude, no matter how much satire you use to hide it, it exudes from your words. I have no lost love for Zia ul Haq, but your first love with Bhutto may have been the reason that you despise him so much however, using the word "Ziaulul", is abusive, vulgar and rude, I mean would that prove more than anything else we already know about thee vis-a-vis Zia. I don't know the reason for your recent disappointments but that was just a pathetic way of expressing your angst.
Aug 02, 2012 07:54am
A good one NFP!
Aug 02, 2012 07:54am
Man..... you have become master of your style. Always waiting for your next stuff.
Aug 02, 2012 07:58am
totally blame game. nothing else.
Aug 02, 2012 08:01am
I thought all the devils are caged in Ramadan. Looks like one got away.
Aug 02, 2012 08:03am
I'm sure had he made fun of Zardari's name you would be laughing your gutts out. Were you even born when Zia was making a mockery of Islam and Pakistan? Hypocrite!
Aug 02, 2012 08:07am
The day Pakistanis accept their South Asian past and accept it with pride, they will progress. Keep up the good work NFP.
Aug 02, 2012 08:16am
one thing we Indians envy pak is NFP
Aug 02, 2012 08:17am
Muslim men were by nature innocent and it were the women who were the main culprits, especially those who went about without hijabs or burqas.... SO TRUE!! :P
zafar Imam
Aug 02, 2012 08:20am
Hahaha, this is awesome satire! Indeed, all these friends should not comment and waste their time here with 'narrow minded' NFP, instead go and discover AL-Science. Leave we 'westerners' here, hahaha. Hatts off NFP.
Aug 02, 2012 08:20am
There is a saying in Sanskrit: " At the time of diaster a fool's wits take leave of him" Still time. mend yourself.
Aug 02, 2012 08:34am
grow up NFP!
Aug 02, 2012 08:36am
They actually also calculated the location of God in the universe. So once we have the camel-rockets, we might actually be able to visit him/her now!
Asim Qazi (@astrofruit)
Aug 02, 2012 12:06pm
Some people are too weak to bear the power of knowledge; they go astray, thinking that they are superior and can do or say anything, and would call it liberalism. Mr. Author, you're also a part of this community and the religion, and no doubt whatever you write or say it also applies on you. You'd be still a Paki and a Muslim no matters whatever you say. The Western world will still not think of you as "cool" or part of it even if you do what they do. So stop humiliating your nation, religion and after all yourself. I can show you tons of theories, inventions, events, astronomical bodies that has either religious or regional names attached to them. So many constellations and stars are named after Greek gods. You never had a problem with that. It's just like I what I said earlier, "some people are too weak to bear the power of knowledge." I know there would be a lot of comments from now on - specifically targeting me, but I said what I had to and I'm done here. ( sorry I won't be listening to how rich your vocabulary and English are)
Aug 02, 2012 08:57am
Superb Sir..A master piece indeed. We are so obsessed with our version of Islam and this has lead us judge & make things which only will enable us to buy a one way ticket to Heaven for us, leaving the whole humanity behind us. Keep writing such articles, the one who gets the point will enjoy for sure and ponder as well.
M. Asghar
Aug 02, 2012 09:06am
Yes, satire in the brave waterpump that toils to charge the car with not knowing that it works only on a specially sanctified water not availble around.
Aug 02, 2012 01:45pm
Briliant. As an Ahmadi, I enjoyed the AC to MC. We must have the courage to laugh and see the beauty of Islam and should not hate those who disgree with us. Great job!
Dr Imran Ahmed
Aug 02, 2012 04:38pm
Aug 02, 2012 04:53pm
Sir jee religion is not a graduate from an unrecognised third class university which can be home grown. I am a Pakistani and truly believe that my religion is mine God gave it to me and I did not borrow it from anyone. Muhammad was an Arab and a great man but Islam is not Arabic it is here for everyone who wants it.
Aug 02, 2012 04:54pm
AC Ahmadi current, DC deobandi current :P
Aug 02, 2012 05:02pm
You are Wrong Dear He has not invented the Car but he has invented a water pump that drives the car.
Kamal Khan
Aug 02, 2012 05:04pm
Just a random thought, how many of these Islamophobes, obsessed with Arabs and all being addressed by NFP actually would be able to read this article or for that matter have access to dawn ? Will the message from this article ever be able to reach out to the audience who deserve/ought to read it :/
Kamal Khan
Aug 02, 2012 05:06pm
Just a random thought, how many of these Islamophobes, obsessed with Arabs and all being addressed by NFP actually would be able to read this article or for that matter have access to dawn ?
Aug 02, 2012 05:07pm
Trust me, most Indians stance is softening against Pakistanis, only after they started reading NFP's articles and just the fact that NFP is a pakistani, I dont hate pakistanis anymore.
Aug 02, 2012 05:09pm
I say lets mock everyone.... if this was a seriously written article a lot of people would not have even read it. Why does everyone hate the term secular? Half of Islam is about how we treat others around us, I say treat them well and rest of the half will come along anyway. I say call um secular, fundamentalist or whatever you like as long as they don't harm others and believe in their religion then best people ever.
Aug 02, 2012 05:15pm
Aug 02, 2012 05:22pm
Yes, NFP, we get it. We Pakistanis are obsessed with superficial religiosity and Arab culture. And you are obsessed with that obsession. I have read this article countless times before and most likely will read it again with slightly altered witticisms. I will continue to read your articles hoping to see something genuinely refreshing like the 'Also Pakistan' series.
Aug 02, 2012 05:33pm
Man why do you think camels, dates or even zamzam belongs to Arabs. Camels and dates and in Pakistan try going anywhere south of Multan. AND zamzam is God's gift to humanity and does not belong to Arabs. So I fail to understand what you are trying to say.
Michael Robbins
Aug 02, 2012 06:00pm
NFP, you are one 'badmaash' boy! Keep up the good work! I hope the fanatics in Pakistan realize that everything you stated in this article is all in jest.
Aug 02, 2012 06:07pm
Why does Dawn censor comments? Nanny paper?
Aug 02, 2012 06:10pm
I do have access to Dawn and respect this publication a lot.
Aug 02, 2012 06:12pm
He should write in Urdu not angrezi.
Aug 02, 2012 06:18pm
Aah Nitin, you will go straight to Hindu hell. You denier of the power of the cow. You need to buy one of the powerful yantras they advertise every night on tv to align your planets. And while you are at it, buy a buri Nazar shield too, the mega power one.
Aug 02, 2012 06:19pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Muslim_scientists This is the list of Saracens or Muslims or Arabs scientists. Everybody in their different Dark age, called them as they liked, Including the Euproeans called them Infedels.
Aug 02, 2012 06:22pm
Really wonderful.
Aug 02, 2012 06:22pm
What? Who was this Salam? The only original scientist is Dr AQ Khan who has been deprived of his legitimately due 6 Nobel prizes due to the Zionist-Christian-Hindu conspiracy in this fourth generation war.
Aug 02, 2012 06:36pm
And what, sir, is 'westernization' according to you? Is it being logical, rational, having a scientific bent of mind, believing in equality and dignity of all human beings? These, my friend, are not 'borrowed' concepts. They were perhaps there in this land that you now called Pakistan, for thousands of years before the real 'borrowed' item, Arab religion, came to your shores.
Aug 02, 2012 06:37pm
second to jehanzeb....
Aug 02, 2012 06:42pm
you have carried the day...........
Sajid I. B
Aug 03, 2012 03:15am
He is quoting a person who was a Khattak dumbnut!
Aug 02, 2012 06:49pm
we love him,,,but you Pseudo secular Indian trying to become classify Pakistan in to different ethnic group,we all are Pakistani ,we does not care about any ethnicity,i passed time with Qadyani and Shia,they all love Pakistan and their people,reason is just you pesudo thinkers are real problem for Pakistan, you operate by keeping guns on patriotic Pakistani ethnic groups,i always said to my friends if your wish is throw Pakistan to pinnacle of success then, we need to join hands with our minorities and hug them and must say to them please keep self away from pseudo secular groups
zafar Imam
Aug 03, 2012 01:50pm
What about Dr Abdul Qadeem? He is trying to give a new dimension to AL-Science. Bravo NFP!
Aug 02, 2012 07:19pm
I cant understand the logic of the moderator in deciding what views are published or not.
Aug 02, 2012 07:29pm
I wonder why the MIT trained physicist Pervez Hoodbhoy never acknowledges the inadequacy of scientific education in Pakistan??
Aug 02, 2012 07:36pm
Thanks God there are people who can read IN BETWEEN THE LINES....MKS you are very correct we are living in a BIPOLAR society... either far right or far left like a BIPOLAR DISORDER of a patient suffering from depression.... I wish some columnist may write about moderate peoples in Pakistan.... Every thing is NOT right with "NOT FIT for PAKISTAN" ( NFP)
Aug 03, 2012 03:18pm
Agree, I remember the story. Many such Hindu science stories are in circulation. Utter nonsense....
Aug 02, 2012 07:43pm
Bravo NP......let those who cant enjoy a laugh die in their own constipated prejudices and choke on their "burps"...keep it up..., .....The Creator loves you...don't worry be happy and keep us happy as well....May You Live Long !!!
C Singh
Aug 02, 2012 07:48pm
I read on the internet The Guardian, The New York Times, Le Monde, Le Figaro, Frankfuerter Allgemeine, Zeitung, besides papers in various Indian languages. I would Just like to say that Dawn is one of the best. And NFP is the best columnist. There is no one like NFP. He is more than a national treasure.
Aug 02, 2012 08:28pm
Notice that people are always trying to link any news in media with the terms-- Arabs , Muslims , Islam , Muslim ummah and "religious intolerance" etc., ...while there is nothing relevant to religion in this story of "Recently an enterprising Pakistani engineer claimed to have invented a car that is powered by water."...what an illogical link developed by the author just to 'intoxicate' himself with the feeling that I am more 'cool' 'liberal' and 'logical'. Liked the words of Erfan Ahmed that: Author have pointed all his baseless guns at the religious 'fanatics' and left the corrupt liberals off the hook. Is he ever going to talk about the rampant corruption in Pakistan, starting with the current government, as criticizing the deposed ones is easy. Please grow up now and be serious to the real issues...
Aug 02, 2012 08:31pm
Qadyani???You use the derogatory word for Ahmadis and then say you love him?
Aug 02, 2012 08:47pm
It looks like NFP is reading the comments which are registered for his writing. I think, he wrote this blog to simply explain how muslims are excellent in Science and Technology. Recently I read a comment on NFP’s article about how they are great in Science and Tech. Is it possible that comment initiated this blog writing NFP? What a wonderful piece, I couldn’t control my laugh while reading this. Thanks NFP ?.
Aug 02, 2012 08:51pm
it's funny about haram reference to lesterine, I went to see a doctor in sydney and asked for cough syrup and he started going thru a list, I asked him what he was looking for, he said, oh well you are a muslim right and most muslims does not take cough syrup that has alcohol in it, I was like what? it's a medicine, don't mix it with "bar", it's just a cough syrup. we really need to cool down as we are taking alot of things too seriously, please, don't major in minor things. oh and btw, do you know that a breathalyzer which is suppose to detect alcohol in your blood, beeps even if you have taken paracetamol or a medicine for gas? some dude was asking me a while ago if the "sea food" we get at woolworths is "halaal", hello !!! it's seafood !!! the irony !!! funny they don't question it when they go to KFC or Mecca here.
Aug 02, 2012 08:52pm
Taliban are using GPS, and have become familar with triangulation target designation...
Aug 02, 2012 09:00pm
Can you post a url or some other reference to the bit about the angle of dua please?
T Khan
Aug 02, 2012 09:13pm
Tariq, why do you wish the Oil Wells to run dry? Who is going to keep the Casinos profitable?
Aug 02, 2012 09:19pm
Love uuu NFP..!
Aug 02, 2012 09:31pm
Just like the "Daily Show" in the US, NFP's humor is the best way to expose hypocrisy in society and culture.
Cyrus Howell
Aug 02, 2012 09:36pm
You learn something new every day.
Shri 420
Aug 03, 2012 02:54pm
Sindhi Liberal 2
Aug 02, 2012 09:41pm
And that Sindhi Scientist is not a scientist. He's a quack. He's suggesting something that is against the laws of Physics.
Cyrus Howell
Aug 02, 2012 09:41pm
"...they should stop denying the truth and closing their eyes to the multitude of wonderful achievements. They should be fair towards those nations that achieved prosperity for themselves but did not monopolize it for themselves who instead allowed the whole world to share the results of this progress so that nations of the whole world now enjoy these achievements. Furthermore, Western civilization has given to the world knowledge and skills which made it possible for them, the non-Western nations, to compete with it in production and share markets with it." Ibrahim Al-Buleihi
Aug 02, 2012 10:11pm
I am a regular reader of Paracha, as for as I noticed he writes in a satirical way but he never makes fun of anybody. What he tries to say the many people who pretend to be riligious are not in a real sense. They mixup the religion with the culture for example the language, the dress, the way of life are all part of the culture one grows in, the food which we eat depends in what part of world we live in or what we can grow, these things may not be mixed up with the religion. Most of the people who are religious, whatever religion they belong to, insist what to eat what wear etc. but they don't have any solution how to save the economy, how to controll the law and order, the corruption etc. etc. They only insist the women must wear hijab, men must not cover their ankles and they must grow beard. I think Arab women wear hijab because it is part of their culture. Arab men have upto four wives because it is acceptable in their Arab culture. Indian even muslim women wear sari because it is their culture, it is very very rare for Indian and Pakistani Muslim men to have more than one wife, because it is not considered a good practice in that culture.
Salman Zahidi
Aug 02, 2012 10:23pm
This is one hilarious master piece write I have ever read :d Thanks for the share
Yemeen Zuberi
Aug 02, 2012 10:57pm
The Taliban, the students, would be the producers of most of the NFP-mentioned Islamic products. The brave Taliban are all graduated and have already left their Madrassas. They are out looking for girls primary schools to bomb them. They could have destroyed only a few, so far.
Baba Sidni
Aug 02, 2012 11:28pm
Ejaz Butt, you are a Khattak? Chal bay.
Aug 02, 2012 11:34pm
Good satire. I believe Pakistan desperately needs a synchronization and harmony among all the sectors of a society. I dont think that I am the only one here who believes that both the liberals and conservatives are equally delusional and narrow minded in their approach. The conservs who believe that every thing coming out of a mullahs mouth is literal word of God and dont even pay heed to any other view are the worst. whereas the liberals believing that only a western secularism sort of system can change our nation are not lagging behind the dumb conservs. We dont need to run away from Islam,nor from a bit different approach . This is our Nation,our religion,our morals,our own fellow beings. we dont need to change our culture nor our morals just live your life devoted to your nation and do your role in development of our nation.
Baba Sidni
Aug 02, 2012 11:40pm
No, he is one of them.
Aug 02, 2012 11:44pm
NFP: you are the best!
Aug 03, 2012 12:41am
Claps for NFP Satire, Well written !
Aug 03, 2012 12:43am
Aug 03, 2012 03:20am
Absolutely fabulous. We South Asians are also obsessed with praising the few who achieve anything but always with numerous qualifications. The best 'of its kind', 'in this part of the world', 'built with bare hands' and so on. We are doomed to stay backward, a 'Copy-Paste' society, and never let go of the sari/kameez of the West and soon the Chinese. Doomed to mediocrity, we now concentrate on producing MBAs instead of people who can actually do something.
U.S of A
Aug 03, 2012 12:52am
Lol nah, what he "did" was use some Wallmart duct tape, a water bottle and a garden hose and taped onto the engine block. The result is hilarious.
Aug 03, 2012 06:45am
I like your sentence 'please, don't major in minor things'. I think that's the root cause of the demise.
B R Chawla
Aug 03, 2012 02:12am
Extremely brave and forthright satire appearing in Dawn.
Aug 03, 2012 02:52am
Beware of these indians trying to create divide. Two Pakistanis may have their differences or not, at the end of the day, We both will defend Pakistan
Aug 03, 2012 03:10am
A masterpiece.......
Aug 03, 2012 03:00am
what do you mean moderate "the real ones"; moderates in my opinion want to enjoy all benefits of modern life and scientific achievement but keep their thinking stuck in thousand of year old rituals, ideologies and practices of any religion! they need help!
Aug 03, 2012 03:26am
Is "secular fanatic" an oxymoron? Probably not.. I am a 'fanatically' secular and strongly believes that human beings should be respected as individuals. I may not like or respect the religious beliefs of any religion but strongly believe in the right of individuals to practice the religion of their choice, just as long as they do not stick it in my face. The author has criticised culture rather than religion, a culture that is holding back the potential of people to make the country better for the future.
Aug 03, 2012 05:03am
The Halaal brigade has recently banned all fruits since they found out that fruits have more than 0% alcohol.
Dr abdul jamil khan
Aug 03, 2012 03:52am
Beautifull and really funny; Indians too are not behind. One true story to share: About 10 yrs ago. some one claimed that he could make petrol out of water and got written up and publicised. CSIR, ( council of scientific research) did sanction a big grant ( forgot how much). The great chemist was finally asked to demonstrate. Moment of truth came;he was found to premix some petrol to water and the mixture would light up a bit. He lost the head lines but made some money. Only shows that " indian establishment" itself some time s believe the " mythical hokus pokus' of hindu science".
Aug 03, 2012 12:39pm
You beautiful beautiful man.
Ahmed Bakeer
Aug 03, 2012 03:59am
spoken like a true pakistani, hiding behind the south asian identity
shaukat ali chughtai
Aug 03, 2012 04:03am
NFP. Super excellent satire.......you may try but the muslims will remain in state of denial for many decades to come. Mindset will get eliminated in roughly about forty years...so tryif u can.
Aug 03, 2012 04:11am
ahmad butt
Aug 03, 2012 04:19am
Just to add real knowledge, the muslims of Spain introduced the concept of hospital and quarantine, isolation of patients from the healthy, medical procedures used till WW 1, hot baths and spas, and arab introduced coffee not the Italians now we obsess and fancy having coffee with latin names....and compared to the muslims of today, it is a grim reminder that the 1 billion people do not have a clue on whats going on with them, where their leadership is taking them.
Aug 03, 2012 04:28am
NFP, you are regaining your mojo. After a flood of identical stale satires you have come up with something original. Good work!!
azhar piracha
Aug 03, 2012 04:35am
Take him. Pass a bill in the parliment, let us envy you then. Thank
Aug 03, 2012 04:37am
Ha ha...hard to believe but must be true. And that person would have ended up as hero and celebrity. Its sad that religion has taken over logic and practicality. religion should be a personal matter.
Aug 03, 2012 02:14pm
Sure. Agree that he has a huge readership and popular amongst our neighbors and abroad as evident from the comments. My point being that everyone has their own definition of these words; ....Liberals, moderates, conservatives. So who or what sets up the benchmark to decide this? Who is 'we' you talk about, know what I mean? My definition could be similar or starkly different from yours...
Aug 03, 2012 04:49am
Very true...Arabs respect the Westerners most, then S Africans and Indians. Bangadeshis and Pakis are treated like slaves in their economy. If you got to Dubai Airport, you can see the difference between how Indians and Pakistanis are treated. Yet Pakistanis consider it a privilege to even be spit upon by Arabs.
Aug 03, 2012 04:54am
One can modify the dish network dish aimers to accurately aim the dua parabola to the correct location.
Aug 03, 2012 04:55am
Aug 03, 2012 04:56am
What about the khajoor powered car? Its even more powerful than a solid fuel rocket.
Aug 03, 2012 05:02am
Well, NFP has a soft spot for Zoredari.
Aug 03, 2012 05:02am
Did Other countries inveted drones? Do not say israel....because it is a 51st state of US and get all what is in US.
Aug 03, 2012 05:07am
I can not believe reading a CHEAP satire........It has the standard of OMAR Shareef Comedy OR Rangeela Comedy... How can a briliant writer can go this low......
Aug 03, 2012 05:08am
Well done Nitin - pointing out the absurdity of Vedic science ; also enjoyed the comments of the fellow travelers below.
Cyrus Howell
Aug 03, 2012 05:12am
Michael Faraday was a bookbinder's apprentice in London in the mid 18th century. The bulk of the printer's business was scientific journals. Faraday became engrossed with reading and understanding the journals in the shop. He then theorized the relationship between electricity and magnetism without which electric motors, generators, solenoids, elevators, power engineering, television and a great many other inventions including automobiles and air planes would never had existed. Faraday was the father of the electronics industry before there was one. With all due respect he would not have found any of his ideas concerning electricity in the Koran. The Arabs of the 18th century had already decided no further knowledge was needed other than what is found in their religious writings. That was the end of it. Nothing needed to be invented. Michael Faraday was not a professor, he was a printer's apprentice who became an important self taught scientist..
Aug 03, 2012 05:16am
You guys do have some serious ones like Arundati Roy but shes gets mobbed there.
Aug 03, 2012 05:22am
Nadeem is the TRUE successor of Alfred E Newman (mad magazine)
Aug 03, 2012 07:22am
I wonder had this car been invented by a European, or even an Indian, What would our "liberal-minded" NFP have written?
Aug 03, 2012 05:44am
lol man...engine lubricant should be sooji ka halwa
Aug 03, 2012 05:48am
lol @Asad You have just been owned...
Aug 03, 2012 05:49am
Absurdity at its excellence!!
Aug 03, 2012 05:51am
He has....he writes for another english daily
taranveer singh
Aug 03, 2012 06:17am
I saw some Hindi news channels saying atom bomb was present in mahabharat time. Hindu discovered missiles and atom bombs thousands of years ago. westren scientists got concept of nuclear bomb from Hindu history. haha funny. why they not used their bombs when qasim was invading bakistan. hehe
Aug 03, 2012 06:36am
Yeah right. I also sometimes think that he is not adding anything new to his portfolio. This may be the easiest writing for him. Great talent but needs to see things outside his comfort zone.
Aug 03, 2012 06:40am
Science is a common heritage of mankind !
Aug 03, 2012 06:49am
yes, which you are not able to see and hence left pondering for 'other' obvious reasons.
Aug 03, 2012 07:51am
Har Fikr Ko Dhuen Mei Urata Chala Gaya... Barbadiyon Ka Jashn Manata Chala Gaya
Aug 03, 2012 07:54am
excellent pen-wabble.. dear nadeem do not make a fool of your nation. please for GODS SAKE. try to learn from others like hassan nisar.
Aug 03, 2012 06:53am
All your concepts are universal and isalm embrace all of them. Problems is you only see intentionally or not those muslims who portray the incomplete or incorrect version of Islam.
Sameer Awan
Aug 03, 2012 07:09am
But your name is Ejaz Butt and you are a Khattak.???. Also Khushal Khan Khattak was a Pakhtoon nationalist and he always talked about Pakhtoons first rather than pure humanity. A Nationalist can never talk about equality except for its own group of People.
Aug 03, 2012 12:46pm
Innovation by a Pakistani in Pakistan, logic tells me it is not possible - only thing Pakistanis in Pakistan are able to invent is bidat in Islam. If this invention was true than world media would be all over it or the big boys(who have too much to loose from oil industry if any new technology came about) would have bought the technology and ensure it is hidden it from general public. Lastly, there has to be some type of energy required to convert water to hydrogen - too many questions. Have to see it to believe it, period.
Aug 03, 2012 07:44am
Muhammed, yes join hands with minorities and hug them TIGHT. And of course throw Pakistan to pinnacle of success. Nice to know you have "passed time with Qadyani and Shia". These pseudo thinkers are keeping guns on the patriotic groups of non-minorities
Aug 03, 2012 08:15am
Thank you Mr NFP for the hilarious lampoon on the current state of Pakistan. I thoroughly enjoyed the article.
Aug 03, 2012 08:16am
Salman - how to even reply to this! Hmmm...nah! You keep on enjoying this mindless-self-pis**ng-mockery-of-satire :)
Aug 03, 2012 08:16am
beware of all the negatives you will receive on your comment after this :D
Shrirang, Mumbai
Aug 03, 2012 08:26am
Is it a Ramadan or Ramazan?
Aug 03, 2012 02:03pm
So what you are sugesting will lead to an extremist society then.
Iqbal khan
Aug 03, 2012 09:04am
...... In that case I would like to see you.
Aug 03, 2012 01:17pm
I second you on your observation.
Aug 03, 2012 09:41am
hahaha good one
Aug 03, 2012 09:48am
NFP how about you writing someday about ideals of "freedom and democracy" being distributed via hell fires and daisy cutters.......if u could take some time out of your busy schedule of ridiculing your own people and country all in the name of highlighting "weaknesses" .call me an extremist or right wing fanatic or whatever.
Aug 03, 2012 09:56am
Making fun out of someone or something is always wrong. one doing it knows its wrong & one reading it also knows it wrong. If not by any man made laws but morally. There are trillion things about every religion & culture out of which everyone can make fun but it shows the depth & worth of the man speaking.
Aug 03, 2012 06:57pm
Brilliant comment.
Ali Faraz
Aug 03, 2012 07:00pm
Stop stealing our water hypocrit
Aug 03, 2012 07:00pm
Any u indians would never miss any chance on such articles.... we know your mentality. I have one objection, Ahmedi should not be used to reference Qadianis, because you compared it with Muslim, and non-Muslim can not be called with this name.
Aug 03, 2012 07:04pm
There is only one group, who unfortunately are in biddat, are going that way. U can not generalize that and this is why because we too lazy to learn and understand the true teachings, Thats why today we in this position, some are Qadianis, while other are shias, and some other who have totally change the originality of the religion. They would never like to correct their belief but spend all of their energy to be called Muslims.
Aug 03, 2012 07:13pm
Hahaha... Perhaps, this was the thing that Ummah needed... I really enjoyed it. Facts put in a hilarious way and still not losing its depth... hats off!
Aug 03, 2012 07:31pm
Aug 03, 2012 07:32pm
+1. This post shows that "both the liberals and conservatives are equally delusional and narrow minded in their approach." Either its religion bashing cool dudes on the internet or the cyber jihadis posting fake burma massacre photos.
Aug 03, 2012 08:04pm
haha... well said
Aug 03, 2012 08:16pm
And pray tell us, what kind of society do you currently have sir?
Aug 03, 2012 08:25pm
Lacks the guts for that.
Sedgwick N.
Aug 03, 2012 08:50pm
Do you mean the advanced tactical 'State of the art' Drone, fully equipped with sophisticated bio-weapon equipment and instrumentation, that they took control of and landed safely in Iran, or are you referring to the one they downed crashing it into the southern Arabian Sea?
Aug 03, 2012 08:52pm
" I have read this article countless times..." Enjoy it. Again and again. Thats all he's got.
Kaur R.
Aug 03, 2012 08:57pm
A comment that pegs you more than it does him. Treasure indeed.
Aug 03, 2012 09:12pm
US is the slave labor camp feeding, clothing, defending, and arming Israel.
Aug 03, 2012 09:24pm
Islam is NOT Arab. Islam is universal. I was born and raised in New England, US. I grew up Christian and I turned to Islam for a more peaceful connection with God...directly: Allah and myself. No one but Allah directed me to Islam. I was lost, and found myself. I have never been more in tune with spirituality, hope, peace, and tranquility until now—as a Muslim. Allah is indeed Great.
Jennifer Biaez
Aug 03, 2012 09:51pm
Arabs have many religions, not just one as some here tend to believe. Islam is only one religion among many that Arabs have. And Muslims don't have just one ethnicity. They come from every ethnicity, race, tribe, skin color, creed, and geographical origin. Islam has universal appeal. ALL of humanity is represented in Islam. The Almighty Creator made them all in diversity and commonality...as the Qur’an has so eloquently explained. READ...and you will know.
Aug 03, 2012 10:06pm
Actually you, but you would not know...
Aug 03, 2012 10:24pm
Just mind blowing - fell off my chair laughing - could not stop laughing for 20 minutes. Fantastic! Nobel prize in literature for NFP please!. NFP should stand for Nobel F Paracha.
Aug 03, 2012 10:55pm
As always. He is getting old and tired.
Aug 03, 2012 11:02pm
NFP, As usual an EXCELLENT article. Your mastery of satire is never in question. It is par excellance. We the normal people get it. But what about the STONE HEADS? Nothing sticks in that barren palce. But, keep trying as you are one of th efew honest journalists left who have the courage to call these idiots who they really are. The greatest insult is to trivialise some one.You have successfully done that in your article.
El Cid
Aug 03, 2012 11:11pm
They were translating, saving, protecting, and warehousing all knowledge known to humanity in libraries. And making them available to scholars from around the world...and adding to them with their own research, discourse, and work. The Mongols Hordes and Christian Crusaders burnt them down to the ground. World scholarship, literacy, medicine, science, and knowledge was set back over a thousand years. This was the greatest blow to Islam and humanity, history has ever recorded.
G Thind
Aug 03, 2012 11:57pm
Sir, you forgot to mention: When oil wells run dry only the poor Saudis will remain to suffer under the spell of Wahabis but about 3-4 thousand princes and princesses will move lock stock and barrel to Europe, England, Australia, Canada, and America etc. where they have stacked their billions.
Aug 03, 2012 11:58pm
Seconding that. Truly "Dawn is one of the best. And NFP is the best columnist." I only wonder if anyone in the government can read it and laugh -- can they laugh at anything? Or, if anyone in Taliban can read it and laugh -- can they laugh at anything? Every time we laugh at such an article, we also think about what makes us live together as human beings. Can't go wrong that way. Bravo, NFP.
Aug 04, 2012 12:04am
But (just kidding) it worked out that they have oil there. With millions of barrels being pumped and sold every day, who needs "knowledge"? Or for that matter, "democracy"? (Again just kidding.) I love the old Jewish joke: "Moses led his people for 40 years all around the Middle East, and finally settled in the one place that has no oil." No offense meant. It's good to look at ourselves and laugh.
Aug 04, 2012 12:19am
Go to America and publish satire, and see what happens. Some will be critical, and most will laugh. It is a diverse population. And most importantly, it can be published freely. Now go try the same thing in China. See what happens to you. Or for that matter, try the same thing in some of the FATA territories. Big, big difference. If we are to survive as humans, we must be able to laugh at ourselves. That is one way we think and learn.
Aug 04, 2012 02:48am
america !we already are but china...sheesh they are after my great neighbours heheheh
Aug 04, 2012 02:59am
China? LOL! mate re read your current affairs
Aug 04, 2012 03:27am
How can you every say anything without verification in this age of internet??? I didn't know that Spike Milligan but a simple search on google gave a link to a Wikipedia page which said he was born in Ahmednagar, Maharashtar, India. And I'm sure Sindh is hundreds (if not thousands) of miles off Maharashtra :-)
Aug 04, 2012 05:14am
NFP You are overstepping your boundaries. More things are wrought by prayers than this world may think of. No other people can come close to Muslim in prayers, and thus in the miraculous achievements that may come their way. All of history is proof.
Aug 04, 2012 05:34am
Are they also insisting that women must grow beards?
Aug 04, 2012 05:36am
Bhai, there is no war going on and hopefully will never happen. This one Indian and many more he knows have no wish to create any divide between Pakistanis, indians or between indians and pakistanis.
Komal S
Aug 04, 2012 06:05am
Yes you are right about the incident 10 years back but it is nothing to do with Hindu science. An individual in a rural area said he found a way to extract petrol like substance from plants. Ha d a lot of coverage but then he was asked to demonstrate his discovery to the professors at IIT Madras and was exposed. While in India we have numerous example of beliefs and superstitions that can make thousands on intersting satires like this article, your attempt to connect this paerticular incident is wrong.
Aug 04, 2012 06:06am
I dont think NFP ever makes fun of anyone in PPP.
Dr Ejteba
Aug 04, 2012 07:40am
Dear Cyrus thanks for the info about Faraday and your comments. Please have some time to look at a research by 25 Phds of Strasbourg university of France. Probably all but three are non Muslims who conducted this research. The thesis is available on the internet with the name ," the superman in Islam". Please note its a translated version from French. praying for your success in both worlds
Musharraf Khan
Aug 04, 2012 02:44pm
excellent article, I am big fan of NFP and Dawn, this is really good satire and in fact shows the true mentality of pakistani people and their life style. I cant stop laughing even after reading the whole article, reallyy interesting was Ahmadi current........ and Farkhanda bint e Dalda.............. great work
Aug 04, 2012 04:24pm
Man You tell me if he has one contribution to science or humanity .... He is a great scientist .... but he did not invent nuclear technology .... I respect him for what he has done for Pakistan and HE is one of my heroes from the modern era but Dr Salam was a visionary who single handedly introduced Pakistan to the Scientific world when rest of the Muslim countries were just about learning how to spell modern science. If you have to ask who is Salam then by all means you do not know what Pakistan is coz he was one the greatest Pakistanis ever to have lived ....
Aug 04, 2012 04:51pm
Prayer is a request to God there is not guarantee it will be listened to. But actions are definitely what God likes more then just prayers. And you are right no other people can come close to muslims when it comes to prayers coz that is all we do .... LAST time I checked no one in Pakistan had prayed for a corrupt leadership and somehow we still have it .... God is not going to do your job for you unless you get a move on first (by you I mean we all so please don't take it personally) ....
Aug 04, 2012 05:41pm
What you need is high quality professional help. Seek 'direct contact' with your inner self,delusions don't last long unfortunately.
Ryan M.
Aug 07, 2012 05:54am
Here is the real satire. Well done.
Aug 05, 2012 05:38am
Well said Nitin..criticism should come from within But one thing i very very strongly disagree with you is that we don't criticise ourself.As a nation we are one of the most self critical citizens of the world. We debate/criticise/satire almost everything.Its a different thing that many a times it does not affect some thick skinned politicians/religious leaders. But we never shy away from straight talking social ills, religion etc.
Aug 05, 2012 05:42am
Arundhati Roy? You must be kidding me....Just biased writing does not make one akin to NFP. We have lots of writers who re critical of religious /social ills plaguing our nation and trust me we talk quite openly about it without any fear of fatwas (even the Indian Muslims But Arundhati Roy is surely not one of them, she simply has her own agenda and is too biased to even be taken very seriously.
Aug 05, 2012 07:26am
Wonderful satire. The people who matter know the truth but behave in a hypocritic manner to please the powerful conserv for fear of their own. We are taking pride in moving backwards while the civilised world is moving forwards.Hope sense prevails.Such articles will someday provide better understanding of religion.
Aug 05, 2012 07:34am
Very very funny.. And so accurate with depicting our rotten and obsessed thinking! Bravo, sir..
Aug 05, 2012 04:34pm
This also applies to most of the Mullas in Pakistan because they have the same 7th Century mentality for the issues related.
Aug 06, 2012 01:55am
The link was forwarded by a friend and I laughed my head off. I have in return forwarded the link to a lot of like-minded friends. Brillaint Piracha Saheb.
John Wells.
Aug 06, 2012 04:20am
"Have faith in Allah. Also tie you camel"[Muhammad]. The place of prayer is after you have done the best you can possibly do. After you have put in you sincere best, leave the result to Allah. Prayer is a knock on the door, it may or may not be heard, at Allah's will.
Ryan Omer
Aug 06, 2012 04:43am
The Muslim World was the the crucible of scientific research, medicine and surgery and laying down the fundamentals of algebra and geometry at a time when the rest of the World was living in filth and plagues of the Dark Ages... hunting down witches, vampires, demons, and goblins in a desperate attempt to make them go away.
Aug 06, 2012 05:34am
@Zeta: Let them dream on. They will awake from it with a bang!
Aug 07, 2012 07:07am
Now that is sarcasm and satire.
Aug 07, 2012 05:43am
Flagship, free? You got to be kidding.
M Bilal Afzal
Aug 06, 2012 02:20pm
I am disappointed. Its so lame to drag Islam into this and ridicule it in such a way. Please keep your enlightened satire to your self. Its Muslims like you who bring shame to us all.
Julianna Malik
Aug 07, 2012 05:17am
Yours has...
Aug 07, 2012 05:34am
The Taliban does not need Drones. They are defeating US-NATO-Paki Axis without them. Your sarcasm is just wishful thinking and mere whistling in the dark. You will be defeated
Nusrat Kamal
Aug 09, 2012 01:11am
Here are a couple of excerpts from a book 'Lost History' by Michael Hamilton Morgan published by National Geographic Society in 2007. They may be an eye-opener for you, Sir. I will narrate just one example. Al-Khwarizmi (780-850 CE) was a Muslim mathematician. He dug out a 200 years old book of a Hindu by the name of Brahmagupta who was the only mathematician ever to attempt to use zero in divisions. Al-Khwarizmi realized the importance, and introduced the zero to the world with due acknowledgement to Brahmagupta. I hope you would realize the importance of zero in terms of science. He introduced Algebra; he was a astronomer, a geographer that corrected Ptolemy's theories and produced a much better world map, and many other achievements you will find in the book. Excerpts: " This mathematician, al-Khwarizmi creates a system that will provide the key to begin unlocking all planes of the universe. His numbers and new ways of calculating will enable the building of 100-story towers and mile long bridges; calculating the point at which a space probe will intersect with the orbits of one of Jupiter's moons; the reactions of nuclear physics; the cellular process of biotechnology and pharmaceutical and marketing research; the calculus of a global economy; the language and intelligence of software; and the confidentiality of a mobile phone conversation.' Do you see the range of the system he created? Right up to the 21st Century, and may be beyond. " But one day, many Europeans-- and then the world-- will forget who he was or what he did even as they still use his name to name algorithms. They will cease to credit the man for what he has done for them. And one day, some European mathematical historians who do remember his name will deny that he had been great." And al-Khwarizmi is just one of scores of Muslim scientists/ philosophers., as you will find in the book. By the way from where did the Western civilization got the knowledge and skills which made the ' non-Western nations to compete........ ' You will find the answers in the ' Lost History'. Please go through the book that will be revealing and mind-boggling for you, as far as the contribution of Muslims to the world of science is concerned. And those were the days when Europe was deep into the Dark Ages. The Western world frequently blames us of plagiarism. When I go through the book I realize that the West is rather a much greater culprit of plagiarism; they christian-ed the names of all the great Muslim scientists/philosophers to hide the source! NFP should also go through the book -- the acknowledgement of Muslims contributions, as they say 'from the horse's mouth'.
M N Syed
Aug 09, 2012 05:00am
This episode has exposed our scientists. Chairman PCSIR should be made OSD. Leadership should take the present state of science in Pakistan seriously. We should take advice of friendly countries like USA and China to examine our education system and government policies and pin point fault lines and suggest measures to bring scientific Pakistan at par with at least with Korea, Malaysia, Singapore, India and China. In a country of 180 million it is not difficult to find at least 1000 really intelligent children in schools who could be groomed to be future scientists of international fame.
Nusrat Kamal
Aug 09, 2012 08:42am
Do you really agree with Mr C. Howell? On what rounds?
Rafia Mirza
Aug 16, 2012 06:54pm
i wantto be a proud pakistani ,am trying so hard to think of something to feel proud of.
Rafia Mirza
Aug 16, 2012 06:59pm
NFP I simply love you, & Dawn for having the guts to promote you.As for Imran Khan I am pinning my hopes on him, hoping he will stay away from sychphants & seek out people like you & Hasan Nisar