Managing an employee who’s emotionally needy

Some employees need more validation than their managers can give. When someone always wants you to say they did a good job, or is never convinced their work is good enough, it’s best to address the issue directly. Schedule a private meeting to talk to the employee — and be gentle, not harsh or dismissive. Show the person that you care about their well-being, and use concrete examples to explain how their behaviour is affecting you, their work or the team. Encourage employees to think about why they seek so much reassurance and how to find healthier ways to meet their needs. For example, they might turn to friends outside the workplace or a mental health professional to talk through their emotions. And set boundaries for the future, being direct about what your limits are. Throughout the conversations and going forward, treat people as if they were strong rather than fragile. Your goal is to give them the right amount of support — not to make them feel bad for wanting more.

(This tip is adapted from “4 Ways to Manage an Emotionally Needy Employee,” by Ron Carucci.)

Keeping in touch with your alumni network

Some of the most useful contacts you have are in your alumni network. Attending the same university or graduate program gives you a shared history — and a great excuse to connect with other interesting, accomplished people. But how do you stay in touch with your peers? One easy way is to provide an annual update to your alumni magazine. Reading about what you’re up to can encourage old friends and colleagues to reach out. You could also volunteer for a role that will connect you with classmates. For example, you might serve as chair of the class reunion or launch a monthly alumni breakfast in your city. Or consider how staying connected could let you showcase your expertise. Alumni offices frequently host professional development webinars; you could volunteer to host one, sharing your knowledge with hundreds or even thousands of fellow graduates. Strategies like these will help you deepen your ties to fellow alums, and can even lead to valuable new business opportunities.

(This tip is adapted from “3 Ways to Make the Most of Your Alumni Network,” by Dorie Clark.)

Reframe how you think about presentations

When you get anxious during a presentation, focusing on your feelings will only make things worse. Research shows that being kind and generous reduces our stress levels, so fight your nerves by thinking of your talk as an act of kindness: You’re sharing something valuable with other people. Use this framing when you’re preparing the presentation. Rather than starting with your topic, start with some reflection. Ask yourself, Who will be in the room? What do they need from me? Then craft a presentation that directly addresses those needs. On the day of your talk, when you’re extra nervous, take slow, deep breaths and remind yourself that you are here to help your listeners. And then during the presentation, connect with your audience by making eye contact — even if you’d rather do anything else. Pretend you’re having a series of one-on-one conversations, providing each person with the information they need. This generosity mindset can turn a painful experience into one of giving.

(This tip is adapted from “To Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking, Stop Thinking About Yourself,” by Sarah Gershman.)

To prevent burnout, hold each other accountable

We often talk about fighting burnout as an individual effort — something you do by yourself. But prioritizing health and well-being is easier when it’s done with a group. That’s why you and your colleagues should collectively tackle the challenge of managing your energy. Have each person write down a “resilience plan” of some health-prioritizing behaviors they can commit to. For example, you might get up from your desk at lunchtime for 30 minutes and go for a walk. Someone else might take a five-minute break after 90 minutes of work, or get at least seven hours of sleep every night. As team members put their plans into action, regularly check in as a group to share successes and setbacks and talk about the difficulties people experience. You might also pair people up as an additional form of accountability. Over time, these forms of support can help everyone do their jobs in a healthy, sustainable way.

(This tip is adapted from “What Happens When Teams Fight Burnout Together,” by Tony Schwartz et al.)

Published in Dawn, The Business and Finance Weekly, November 12th, 2019