Before a tough conversation, prepare, prepare, prepare

Difficult conversations are never fun, but preparing for them can help you ensure they’re productive. Start by identifying your motives. What do you want out of

the conversation — for you, the other person and any stakeholders involved? Knowing your goals is a good way to keep the meeting on track if emotions rise. Next, gather facts to support your position. If you’re about to ask for a raise, for example, write down notes on how

you’ve grown in your role. If you’re going to give someone tough feedback, bring examples of their work and behaviour. Be ready to defend your point of view and explain how you came to it. And think through any stories you’re telling yourself about the other person. Do you see your boss as “the enemy” because she can grant or deny your raise request? Consider what your manager will care about in the conversation, and use that to plan how you’ll address her concerns.

(Adapted from “4 Things to Do Before a Tough Conversation,” by Joseph Grenny.)

Let your mentee know that feeling like an impostor is normal

How do you mentor someone with impostor syndrome? It’s hard to help employees who doubt their skills or accomplishments, but a few strategies can help. One is to normalise their feelings. When your mentee worries that he or she is a fraud, shrug your shoulders and warmly say, “You and everyone else in the building.” Remind the person that those types of feelings are pretty common — and people who don’t have them aren’t necessarily more competent. You can even share your own stories of feeling like an impostor. Another approach is to challenge negative self-talk with concrete facts. If your mentee thinks he botched a presentation, for example, say, “I heard you did a great job. Do you actually mean there are a couple of things you want to work on for next time?” A third method is to remind him often that he does belong in his role. Look for opportunities to let these mentees know you believe in them and affirm their achievements.

(Adapted from “Mentoring Someone With Impostor Syndrome,” by W. Brad Johnson and David G. Smith.)

Be the same boss in stressful times that you are in calm times

How would your direct reports describe your behaviour under pressure? Many bosses become emotional, controlling and closed-minded — which can have a hugely negative impact on their team’s morale and productivity. To lead effectively when the pressure is on, think about the team dynamic you want to build over the long term. Then think about whether your stress-driven actions support that dynamic or undermine it. For example, in normal circumstances you wouldn’t try to motivate people with fear or threats, so don’t do it during stressful times, either. Talk to your team about why you’re under pressure and what you need from them, and thank them in advance for putting in extra effort. And normally you wouldn’t get angry or shut down in tense conversations, so don’t let stress keep you from listening to others and engaging thoughtfully. Once this period of stress is over, your team will remember how you led during it — so make sure their memories are positive.

(Adapted from “When Managers Break Down Under Pressure, So Do Their Teams,” by David Maxfield and Justin Hale.)

Use business trips to expand your horizons

Too many of us treat work travel like a curse, when it could (and maybe should) be one of the best parts of the job. Yes, being away from your family is hard, and yes, jet lag is a bummer. On the other hand, you’re going to a new city or a new country for free, so take advantage of it. Use the time between meetings to explore and seek out inspiration. Talk with locals, eat food you can’t get at home and stop into a museum — while trying not to check your phone. Squeezing in time for tourism can be tough, but think of it as a way to practice spotting and seizing new learning opportunities. Even on a short business trip you can try something new, such as forgoing a hotel and finding a place to stay on an apartment-rental website. However you do it, find ways to get outside your comfort zone.

(Adapted from “How to Make Any Business Trip Less Boring,” by Stephan Spencer.)

Published in Dawn, The Business and Finance Weekly, March 25th, 2019