Dear Auntie,
Since the last two years, I have been living with my uncle’s family in Hyderabad. My aunt offers me meals, but I don’t like the food. I am scared to refuse and telling her that I don’t like the food you cook. Please tell me what I should do?
Starving

Dear Eat/Love,
That’s a tricky one. Begin by thanking your aunt for the food she makes and her general thoughtfulness. Tell her that you are very sensitive to certain foods and extremely picky about what you eat, and that the issues lie with you and not with her cooking.

At the same time I would try and see the world through her eyes. Do you dislike everything she cooks? Surely there must be dishes which are okay and you can have. Praise the ones you like, so she has some idea of your preference. The key to a successful life and dealing with tricky situations like this is to look for the good in what you are offered — consider it a blessing that you at least have food — and understand that people (and their feelings) are important.

‘How do I tell my aunt I hate her food?’   Assalam o Alaikum Auntie,
I am 17 years old. I like the advice that you give people. The thing is Auntie, that I have not fallen in love with anyone, nor am I trying to attract someone. The matter is that my cousins are together in a group and I am not a part of it because I think very differently from them.  I am on my own, but I don’t like to be alone. However, I also don’t like this negativity. Auntie what can I do when others talk behind my back, or when they don’t respond to me and also irritate me?
Sad

Dear Find-your-own-friends,
While having people talk behind your back sucks, you can change how you are viewing the situation and turn your own circumstances around. A lot of the time, when people talk behind your back it means that you are doing something that they want to do, but are not able to. So essentially, they are envious of you and are talking about you. Successful people or people on the path to success often break norms, which is difficult for people to accept and their reaction is to talk behind your back. Unless you are doing something you know is wrong, it would help to view yourself as someone who is on the right track in your life.

Another reason people talk behind your back is simply because they are jealous of you. If you have something that they want, such as being in the right school or having incredibly supportive parents, they may talk behind your back. And finally, people talk negatively about you if they are bored and have nothing better to do. They have sad lives and should just be ignored.

As for what you can do in this situation, fact is, we cannot control other people’s opinions and so the best way to deal with your cousins and others who talk behind your back is to simply ignore them. Think of people who’ve had a big impact on the world, such as Steve Jobs or even Michael Jackson. If they stopped doing what they did because of people talking, the world would be a very different and a much poorer place today. Seriously, turn a deaf ear and work on creating your own tribe.

If you can’t be part of your cousins’ group, work on creating your own group of friends. Ignore the naysayers and those who don’t like you. You cannot please everyone. Start being nice to people and make your own group of like-minded friends. Best of luck.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, September 16th, 2018