In the late ’90s while visiting Pakistan as a teen I walked into the popular Karachi supermarket Agha’s and noticed a book called Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror sitting on top of the magazine rack.

Despite the stupid title, the sight of a giant shark on the cover was too tempting and, after giving the summary a read, I immediately bought the sci-fiction/horror novel by Steve Alten. While it lacked the pedigree of a Michael Crichton thriller, it was written well enough to be a breezy read with enough authenticity to feel realistic. But perhaps what excited me most was a preface stating that the cinematic rights had been sold to Disney and for readers to expect a big-budget film in theatres soon.

Over the years, I often checked for updates on the film and soon learned that it was stuck in development hell. Eventually, after Disney failed to capitalise on the rights, the property ended up with Warner Bros. Pictures, who, over 20 years after the release of the Alten novel, have finally released the film. It stars action star Jason Statham as the heroic rescue diver Jonas Taylor, and plenty of computer graphics as the giant titular prehistoric shark.

The Meg has an almost schizophrenic feel, as if the film can’t decide whether it wants to be as stupid as Sharknado or as smart as Jaws

Was the wait worth it? Well, it’s an interesting question, because The Meg only loosely feels like it was adapted from Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror. They’ve certainly sexied up the narrative quite a bit to give it some of the gratuitous B-movie pleasure popcorn movie goers go to see, though this comes at the cost of realism and the some of the psychological intensity that Alten was shooting for. On the other hand, surprisingly, they haven’t gone all the way with the mass market appeal as much as the trailers and the studio’s marketing department have tried to convince us.

If you’ve seen the trailers, you’ve already seen most of the monster movie tropes the film employs. I also feel that The Meg could have truly benefited from an R rating instead of the safe PG-13 it settles for. As far as blood and guts go, there isn’t much to satiate your lust if that’s the sort of guilty pleasure you hunger for. Reportedly, the original cut was more vicious, and after watching the theatrical edit a surprised and disappointed Statham said “Where’s the f****** blood?”

Still, there are plenty of giant shark versus man-made objects and machines if video game-style violence gives you glee. Let’s just say the shark gets plenty of iron in its diet aside from protein.

Curiously, the film stays true to the solemness of the book from time to time, with characters mourning the loss of others instead of moving on to the next set piece as usually happens in monster films. That being said, there certainly are distinct low-brow tidbits peppered throughout, giving The Meg an almost schizophrenic feel, as if the film can’t decide whether it wants to be as stupid as Sharknado or as smart as Jaws.

Speaking of the latter, The Meg pays homage to the Steven Spielberg film in several scenes that will give oldies such as me a reason to smile. But this and some fun special effects aside, there isn’t much to write home about. The characterisation is poor, the script is as forgettable as they come, and the acting talent is such that the most skilled actor on display is Jason Statham — who, to be fair, most likely never imagined that he’d be described as the most skilled actor in any film.

Rated PG13 for action/peril, bloody images and language

Published in Dawn, ICON, August 19th, 2018