AoA Auntie,
I am a 39-year-old man with two kids. My wife is also a working lady. Things got bad when my wife took up a job in Lahore to be near her parents. After a while, on my wife’s persuasion, my mother and I also shifted to Lahore and I took up a job as a teacher in a private school. We lived with my in-laws in a double-storey rented house. We often had arguments, and one evening my wife and her family verbally abused me and my mother. After this my mother and I both moved back to our home in Gujranwala. Now I work for an NGO there.

The problem is that my wife and kids do not contact me. I have tried to contact them, but got no response. Relations have soured. I miss my family very much.
Desperate

Dear Father,
It is a bit difficult to advise you as you have not said anything about the argument and how serious it was. No one can take your children away from you and you are probably aware that you can turn to the law and the police for help. However, before taking any of these serious steps you might want to meet your wife to work out your differences. If that is not possible and you are finding it difficult to get through to her, contact a relative or friend of hers who you can convey your message to.

‘I miss my family a lot’

To resolve this issue, you will need a big heart and plenty of introspection. Your wife may have taken the drastic step of taking your children away from you, but think of your own role in what happened. At your age, you should be mature enough to realise that there are usually two sides to a story. Be honest with yourself. What part did you or your family play in this situation? Try and contact her with an open mind and a willingness to sort your issues out and possibly forgive each other. Try not to get pulled into an argument or fight again. Best of luck to you and your family.   Dearest Auntie,
I am 20, multi-skilled and love literature and poetry passionately. I regret that I discovered this talent very late. I am doing my BS Economics but want to study English too. Due to the restrictions of the education board I cannot study both subjects together. As my BS is about to end I cannot quit it. However, when I write poetry, the regret overwhelms me. Secondly, I belong to a traditional family from Khyber Pakhtunkhwa and I may get married after my BS. If that happens, how will I make my dream of becoming a good writer and poetess come true? I dream of being selected for literary festivals. Please advise.
Lover of Literature 

Dearest Girl,
You are only 20 years old, so it is certainly not too late. Also you don’t need a degree in English or Urdu to be a writer and poet in either language. Becoming a writer/poet is about talent; however, it is also about making the time to sit down and write every single day. Find different avenues, such as publications and literary festivals to share your work with the right audience.

Set aside your regret. It is just hindering you from honing your talent. Please continue writing your poetry. You could send your work to various publications looking to find and publish new voices.

Marriage is not death. With the right partner by your side, it is possible to pursue your dream of becoming a known writer. If announcing your dreams isn’t encouraged in your family, perhaps you can start talking about your desire to family members whom you are comfortable with and could help convey your wishes to those who will be taking a decision on your behalf. I hope you are aware that as an adult you have a choice in deciding whom you marry.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, EOS, December 10th, 2017