Dear Khala, I am 23 years old and I’ve recently done my Masters. My maternal relatives are getting on my nerves. Every time my relatives come over to my place they pester me with questions about my unemployment. My mother and father don’t utter a single word in my defence. Looking for a job takes time and I’m trying my best.

I am very depressed and I just want to end my life. I was an optimist once but now I feel I have no option left.

Depressed

Dear Hopeful,

What can you do about nosy people? Many times they look like they are concerned, until you realise that they are probably enjoying whatever you are going through. If they are being pesky, it is not your fault. Why do you want to end your life?

Think about whether next time you want to sit and chat with a prying relative who comes over. You can greet them, excuse yourself and say you have important work to do or a call to make. You could also just sit around and deflect the questions by changing the topic.

The other option, which Auntie herself prefers is to tell them the truth. Just be honest. Tell them that the market is slow and you are looking. It is taking time but of course it will happen. Don’t go into details about job rejections or interviews gone wrong.

Sometimes though, you may realise that a person who seems like a Prying Parveen or Nosy Naseem is just asking a regular question. He or she is not being mean and may even genuinely be concerned. You are probably feeling sensitive and it is more about your own insecurities.

If too many people are asking about your job, think of a standard answer and dole it out on cue. You could also, if you are feeling brave, just turn to the relative and say, ‘That’s a personal question and it makes me uncomfortable.’

A lot of people don’t realise that their questions are personal and if you tell them, they will instantly take a step back and respect your desire for privacy. However, Auntie cannot guarantee that they will appreciate your honesty.

Dear Auntie Behen,

I’ve been in a very loving relationship with my girlfriend for many years. However, she recently moved to another city to study and told me that we cannot be together. Our luck is very bad and as a result our istakhara has not come out well. She thinks she cannot live happily with me. I love her a lot and don’t want to lose her. Please help me.

Heartbroken

Dear Take Heart,

Long-distance relationships are never easy. They are even more difficult if one partner seems to be making all the effort, while the other one seems to have moved on. You are doing everything in your power and also worrying yourself sick to make this work, but your girlfriend just does not seem to care.

A bad istakhara and she has moved on, do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t care? Don’t you feel you deserve someone who cares about you and the relationship? Relationships are a two-way street. A one-sided effort will leave you unhappy and dissatisfied.

I know it breaks your heart, but you will need to let this one go. You may have thought you were in it for life, but this was not meant to be.

Learn from this experience. Start giving yourself priority and take good care of yourself. Avoid jumping into another relationship right away and make new friends.

Dear Auntie,

Can you advise me on a personal issue between me and my wife? If yes, then I will write details on your confirmation.

Husband

Dear Between a Rock and a Hard Place,

You don’t really need to ask for my permission to write to me! However if your email is too long and too detailed, Auntie may not have the time to read and reply to it.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, November 27th, 2016