Dear Auntie, When I begin university, should I opt for business or social sciences? The way I judge myself, I have performed naturally better in the latter field. I’ve faced shortcomings in commerce subjects but my family prefers that I choose business, even though I don’t think I have a business mindset.

My family prefers business because they feel it can make me worth a lot more money than social sciences. They say I would be more valuable to society with a business degree. How can I convince them about my personal choice? What is the scope of social sciences in the Pakistani context? I’m thinking of specialising in psychology because I feel a lot of people today could benefit from counselling. But is this a valuable degree or is business a better option?

Disconcerted girl

Dear

Over the years a lot of people have climbed the bandwagon to get ‘fad’ degrees who are now walking around looking exhausted, disillusioned and completely uninspired by the work they do. The story is the same every time. A few people with a particular degree (MBBS, MBA, engineering, IT) did well and all the world’s sheep thought that was the way forward. Till the bubble burst when they entered the job market. Really, the world can do without uninterested engineers, unmotivated doctors, indifferent businessmen and uncaring (fill in the blanks).

You sound like someone who is passionate about psychology and eager to use it to help people. That is exactly the kind of person every profession requires. You should begin by arming yourself with information about your field of interest and do whatever you can to pursue it from this point forward. This will give you a fair idea of whether you actually want to pursue it or not. While without a degree in hand you cannot become a psychologist, but if you are really interested you can find avenues to explore the subject further and make small contributions.

Find ways to show your parents how interested you are in the subject and get friend and relatives to support you in telling them that you are passionate about it. Tell them that an MBA in the wrong hands is a useless degree. While a social sciences degree in the right hands is valuable.

Dear Auntie Agni,

There are many people who land into the wrong person’s life (by marrying) and have to live their whole life with him or her. That is the reason why people don’t get married to the person they have a personality conflict with or a difference of mindset. Many people are like angels in their homes while with their friends they are the total opposite. So how can a person by keeping the Islamic teachings in mind (as Islam allows only a short conversation before marriage) choose the right life partner?

I am 22 and an engineering student of a leading university of Pakistan and this question intrigues my mind.

Thank you! I hope you will respond.

Student

Dear Questioning Mind,

You are wondering how a person can choose a life partner after a short conversation that is allowed by religion and Auntie, here is wondering how on earth people get divorced shortly after getting married after years of living together? A good marriage is based on several things and since you are thinking about the subject, it is best that you observe couples around you that you admire and pinpoint what is working for them.

Based on my own observations, the basis of a good marriage is prioritising your spouse and loving them as they are — even if some of the things they do irk you no end. Giving and giving some more (if that thought rankles you, you aren’t quite ready for marriage).

Another tip: we are all fallible people destined to marry imperfect human beings. Be aware of that and know that that means you require an ocean of patience, acceptance and a willingness to quickly forgive, to make marriage work. Add to that a dose of saintly selflessness towards your spouse (and their family) and you’re in it for the long haul.

Also for everyone eagerly waiting for Valentine’s Day … all that commercial paraphernalia might temporarily lift a sagging marriage, but that is about it. Unfortunately social media, the movies and mass media in general have lifted our expectations from marriage to levels that cannot possibly be met by any living being. So if you receive roses or an exotic trip on Valentine’s, great for you, but don’t count on it to save your marriage. If you don’t receive the bouquet or even a wilting gajra, it does not mean it is over! Just focus on what’s going well in your marriage and be grateful for what you have.

Finally, this list is far from exhaustive. Feel free to add your own tips.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to:auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, February 7th, 2016