For the last many moons I stopped writing this column. The backlash was surprising. My friends, editor and readers thought I had deserted them. I say, just read ‘The Guardian’ and you will know that I had decimated quite a few top eateries in England. My showing off ends here.

But Lahore is another story. It is a class act at the best of times. So I set about going mad and trying just about everything I should see. Thankfully the good old stomach held its own. In this piece let me go over four experiences that might interest the reader, loyal that they remain. I never knew that this was the most read column in Lahore. Food seems to be an important part of life in Lahore. So here we go.

MOCCA MOCCA: Last week a friend asked me to meet after going through the book shop Readings on Gulberg’s main boulevard. After going through zillions of imported books, mostly secondhand, we decided to have a long-promised coffee at the nearby Mocca eatery just opposite the clinic and residence of famous Dr Gabba, who is an old Lahore celebrity. This is an eatery set up by a Norwegian-returned expatriate. It is clean as only a Slav clinic can be and the food is posh to say the least.

We made it to the rooftop and settled in the sun, which in the cold afternoon was a comfortable experience. The menu came and it was decided to have salad for lunch, not exactly a Lahori pastime. My friend ordered chicken salad and I went for a Greek cheese salad, which comprised olives, white cheese, chicken and, naturally, salad. It was served with toasted French bread and olive oil to lubricate matters.

My choice was a plain black coffee without sugar, called Americano, and my friend went for a simple latte. The food was delicious I must confess, and I would not mind repeating this experience, for the conversation was just up my alley.

How would I judge this experience? The good old Michelin Scale of one-to-nine for different variables. The more variables the more accurate the reading. For food quality it gets seven, for taste seven, for service six, for prices an impressive seven, for ambience a six is fair, for location six would do, for cleanliness it gets a whooping eight and finally variety of foods available on the menu it gets six. This ends up with an average score of 6.9 out of nine, which is excellent. I am going to go to this place again, and hope to try other dishes. Highly recommended.

CLUB DINNER: That gentleman-par-excellence Col Khalid Masood Khan invited me to try out a dinner menu at the DHA Shezan restaurant. He wanted to introduce me to a former naval officer now living in Texas, USA. All of us turned out to be cautious eaters, and our order very much in line with regulation.

We tried out a chicken corn soup with some bread. It was an excellent soup. The management knows colonel sahib well, so a glass of fresh orange juice helped us down the food. This was followed by a tray of ‘chicken tikka malai’, and I must say Shezan does an excellent job at this dish.

Lastly we all went for a fried fish with fries. I must confess that ever since this new Vietnamese fish has hit the market, most eateries are using this. Now this is no way near the old sole fish, and needs a longer slow-heat fry. In this they need to apply stricter standards. But all said an excellent dinner and the company was even better.

BEGGAR’S DELIGHT: Last week I went on a crazy binge trying out all the ‘desi’ fast food I could see. I left the house after having my mandatory toast and tea. By ten I had consumed, on the motorway, a mix of fruits, they being two bananas, two guavas and two kinoos. Oh, it was filling. On my return journey just opposite the District Courts I downed three ‘peethainwallay laddoo’. Gosh they are superb, though prices have rocketed to Rs 20 for a ‘laddoo’. This is terrible.

A few hours later I was to be seen at Kasuri Sweets in Saddar Bazaar to try out a plate of ‘kheer’. Gosh they do a splendid job in cholesterol bashing. Great stuff. This is enough food to live on a beggar’s budget. But believe me things are no longer affordable. Even a beggar’s delight is a costly affair these days. But once in a while this madness is worth trying.

Published in Dawn December 21th , 2014