Dear Khala, I am 23-year-old girl and I am going out with a 26-year-old boy. Earlier, this boy was engaged for two years to his cousin and he did like her a lot and did not want the relationship to end. The engagement broke because of family issues and my boyfriend was heartbroken. We met each other two years ago and are very happy together.

Recently his ex fiancée’s brother called him to stay over at night and I was not happy about it. Also his ex fiancée mother (who is his aunt) calls him to her house quite a lot, for different things even though the engagement has ended. I think she calls him a little too much and should stop now. When he is at her house he gets a chance to meet his ex fiancée and that upsets me.

Even though their engagement is over I feel that that family wants my boyfriend and his cousin to get together again. Please help. Insecure

Dear Stand-up, You are right to have a problem. It is quite a big deal that your friend is going to stay over at his ex fiancée’s house and you are not going to be there. Her family ought to know better than to encourage him to come to their house so frequently after the engagement has ended.

Your boyfriend has also told you that he was involved with his ex fiancée and had feelings for her. That is not a very reassuring piece of information. What does it mean? Does it mean that the relationship can be revived? Is the family trying to get the two of them back together again? (Sure sounds like it). Do they know that you are the new girl in the picture? If not, encourage your friend to share this piece of information with them in an appropriate way.

Trust is one of the most important foundations of any relationship and for you there is some serious cause for concern on that front right now. If you are serious about this relationship (and you sound like you absolutely are) you have to put your foot down and tell your friend that he has to keep a distance between him and his ex. That he has to politely and firmly say no to requests from that family. If possible he has to tell them exactly why he is turning down their requests — and that reason is you, the new person in his life. Surely there are other people they can call over for whatever it is that they want done?

Also tell your boyfriend not to test the bond of his relationship with you. Make it clear that you won’t stand for it and can even leave.   Dear Auntie, I am 15 years old and a sister of three brothers. My problem is that my mom who is quite busy with work has started ignoring me. Since the past two weeks she has been really very rude to me. She ignores all the mistakes of my brothers, but if ever I commit a single mistake she scolds me badly, even in front of servants and guests. She had never been like this before. If ever I say to her that she treats me unfairly she just ignores. Even my brothers who are younger than me, insult freely and mom doesn’t say a word. I can’t live around such people who don’t care for me. I don’t want such a life. Please help me out. Scolded

Dear Daughter, We tend to forget that our parents are also human and it could be that your mother is under some sort of stress. Or perhaps you are being a little too sensitive at the moment for some reason. Or maybe you are doing something (without realising of course) that is annoying her. So before you start accusing your mother of favouritism, try some introspection. If after all this you still feel your mother is being unfair to you and favouring your brothers, then it is time to chalk out a strategy to deal with her. While it must hurt that your mom cannot see what she is doing, it may be that she is doing it unwittingly rather than on purpose. Some people are just not aware of the consequences of their words and their actions.

It is time to have a chat with your mom. She may not accept what you say and may not even accept that there is a problem with her attitude towards you. Be upfront and tell her exactly what you are feeling. It is very important to stand up and be heard because who knows; it may make a difference in the long term.

For the time being just work on making your own life better by doing things that fulfill you and try to spend as much time as possible with people who make you feel good about yourself.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, December 21st, 2014