Dear Auntie,

I am a mother of two kids. We were living a happily married life when suddenly I noticed that my husband was taking interest in another girl. I don’t know the exact extent of their relationship as he has denied any kind of relation with that girl, but my sixth sense tells me something fishy is going around here. He deletes all messages leaving no clue for me. He is busy at night texting her. These things are making me mad. I am thinking about making a major decision, as living in such a situation isn’t healthy for my kids either. Kindly guide me what to do as keeping my eyes closed is not the solution to this problem.

A heartbroken wife

Dear Wife,

Before taking any major decision, you need to stop and think this through. You have confronted him and he denied anything was up, in order to protect himself. To deal with this you need to have solid evidence that he is cheating. Otherwise this is not going to get anywhere.

To do this effectively you need to get your hands on a text message or a photograph which can serve as proof. If you don’t have proof, you will just end up looking silly. And if your husband is really cheating on you and you confront him without solid evidence, he will learn to cover his tracks much better.

Once you have proof and you ask him about it, he might deny that he has done anything wrong. He may say that it was just a text message and will try to get you to believe that his behaviour is not serious. If you plan to confront your husband, know this.

Approach your husband in a non-threatening way and do it at a time that you know you won’t be interrupted. Remain calm and remember, even though your emotions are charged you want to have as civil a conversation as possible.

Let him talk and don’t ask too many pointed questions. Listen carefully to what he says. What you decide to do after this is totally up to you.

Dear Auntie,

I am an 18-year-old girl who is in a relationship with someone for the last four years. We both love each other more than anything else now and are positive for our future life. My problem is that for the last few months I have become very demanding and possessive. All I want is his instant response every time I text him, knowing the fact that now he’s quite busy in his university life and all. I raise this topic almost every next day and end up arguing with him for not loving me the way he use to do before. I know it is just my mindset but I can’t get rid of it. What should I do for getting rid of my nonsensical behaviour? How should I stop myself from being stupid and imagining and creating useless problems? This is affecting me badly. I can’t concentrate on my studies anymore. Please help. It’s killing me now.

Overly demanding

Dear Too Young,

You started far too young in this relationship and that is probably one of the reasons why you are so obsessed with your boyfriend. It is clear that you have not worked on other parts of your life and don’t have much else going on in other areas.

It seems you are just living for this relationship; so it is no surprise that you are becoming so obsessed. It is time to get out, meet your friends and start cultivating new hobbies. Or — and this wouldn’t surprise Auntie at all — maybe you don’t have any friends because you are so busy being part of a couple since you were a mere child. In order to lead a healthy life, you need to have your own identity, so that you feel whole by yourself and don’t feel like you need to be part of a couple to feel whole.

To start the process of cutting the obsessive cords you have with your boyfriend, start spending time away from him. That means spending time during which you are not thinking of him. Make a conscious effort to make new friends and hang out with them. Part of this process will involved actively stopping yourself from texting him or facebooking him obsessively. Stop anything that makes you look desperate needy and clingy.

Remember, the most important relationship in the world is the one you have with yourself.

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: auntieagni@gmail.com

Published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, November 23rd, 2014