Hi Auntie, I am a house wife and I am suffering from guilt. My brothers are high class professionals and my family is better off than my in-laws. I have the passion to go forth and do something in life for the sake of my family and myself but cannot do that because of the conservative bent of mind of my husband. My siblings do not interfere in my problem. They say it is up to me to take the decision and I shall be responsible for all outcomes. Sometimes I think I should spend my whole life living contented, but often I become worried. What should I do? Confused

Dear Ambitious, You are not suffering from guilt, but you are ambitious and a tad envious of your brothers’ high ranking jobs. While it is natural for many people to want to move up in life, the problem starts when you become competitive with others. And there is no peace to be had in that.

However, an ambitious woman can find a balance with a husband who may not have the same ambitions as her. Assuming that you want your marriage to work, the key is to focus on your husband’s strengths.

Try changing your perspective about your husband and your in-laws. They have their strengths you know. You just need to notice them. Maybe they are affectionate, loving and caring people. Maybe they offer your life a sense of stability. Maybe they have a strong set of values.

So could you find it in yourself to change your expectations from life? Could you just accept who your in-laws and your husband are? And look for the good in what you have instead of dwelling on how you two don’t fit? Being different, yet fitting in with each other is what all successful marriages are about.

Instead of lumping your susral together and labelling them ‘conservative’, try seeing them as people who are traditional and family-oriented.

As an alternative to dismissing them, try learning from them. It will help balance your life. If you see your in-laws and your husband as strong anchors in your life, that help give your family a sense of stability instead of being resentful about restrictions and trying to change them, you will learn to appreciate these relationships and become more content in the process.

Your husband and your in-laws want your attention, so why not just give it to them? You may be surprised by what you get in return.

Dear Auntie, I am a 29 year old MBA student. The point is that I like a girl who studies in the Bachelors programme in the same University I go to and is 20 years of age. We have a decent friendship with each other and sometimes we chat with each other when we come across each other or on social media. I want to pursue things formally without trapping her into any kind of emotional entanglement. I am just confused if I should proceed or not, considering our age differences and secondly at this point in time when she has two to three years left for graduation? I am ready for engagement/nikah sort of thing as well currently. Confused Applicant P.S: I would really appreciate if a copy of Auntie's reply is emailed to me along with publishing it in newspaper since I mostly miss reading Sunday newspapers due to other commitments.

Dear Boy, Let’s clear your head first. Right now, before you decide anything else, think about your own motives. What is the driving factor for you right now? Do you like this girl and want to get married to her? Or do you want to get married and here’s a girl? Think about this carefully, because there is a big difference. If you really like this girl, then you would be willing to wait another two or three years (without fretting about being in your 30s) for her to graduate before marrying her. However if marriage is your motivating factor, then another equally nice girl, closer to your age and more aligned to your life plan might come along and your current story will be laid to rest. So get clear.

If you decide that it is really the girl you like, then before leaping ahead to an engagement or a nikah, you need to convey your feelings to her and see how she responds. Auntie is not suggesting that you get into an emotional entanglement with her, but just get the message across. You cannot discount the possibility that she may be involved elsewhere or that she may not be interested in you, so brace yourself for rejection if it happens. Once you have gauged that you can proceed with your ladylove, only then can you sit down and sort out the issue of your ages and her academic ambitions. P.S. No can do. n

Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to auntieagni@gmail.com